Monday, 19 May 2008

slowing down the pendulum swing

Healing isn't the easiest path despite the experience of many wonderful special mystical and euphoric moments , not all of them being of the phenomenal variety , just ahhh isn't that lovely. Sometimes some nights and some days can be tough, painful , embarrassing and down right frustrating and all I want to do is climb in bed or a hot bath ,set my ipod to a guided meditation and be done with it! I have many old fears that have arisen lately, I know why , as its now that I need to clear them. I'm feeling things I haven't for years and years, so re experiencing them at this time, rather than being unconscious of them, having buried them temporarily deep inside, is whats required to move on and fully clear any related debris . The hardest thing is finding a way of working through them alone, which may be is one of the reasons why I have created this space , so I can share and be with others on some of the tougher times.

Many of us have a preconceived idea that all healing is just harps , angels, love and flowers , and yes it can be and its wonderful when you feel a deep surge of ; wow, life is amazing, but also its about coming to terms with things in our life that shape us and its not always the nicest parts.

The reason for this work is mainly so that I can be clearer and more focused when healing others, in order to do this I need to learn how to no longer be a slave to outside forces ,whether it be health , other peoples emotions or just the layers of things that modern life brings to us ; car breaking down , encountering road rage , laptop freezing , disastrous client orders, mice eating your cereal & ad finitum....... When I say slave , I'm talking of not being able to control the huge swings of emotions related to uncontrollable happenings, hence the pendulum swings. I'm also talking of the things we can control , but don't aways know how ,as habitual behavior patterns have set in.

Ive been reading a blog about a women's blogging journey through weight loss called Back in skinny Jeans and stumbled upon her post regarding the healing curve. Its extremely inspiring stuff and can apply to many even without weight loss issues. Despite being extremely lucky, right now that is, and not needing to loose weight, well in only having to continue to eat healthily, (a challenge in itself) , I can very much relate to what she says in many of her posts and speaks to me in how I have lived my life and currently interact with others. Reading it tonight couldn't be more timely and I may as yet disclose on here some of the more personal challenges I have had. This post is yet even more inspiring in its content right this minute , I feel very compelled to connect with this force of positivity and speak with her in person.

Ive been at all sorts of weights in my later life and went on a brief journey of going from a size 0 (I had to wear kids clothes, I kid you not), up to a 12 , then during my 1st pregnancy ballooning to a size 16 and coming all the way back down again, well not quite, but I digress. The healing curve concept communicated in her post is a great visual tool in aiding your progress from the starting point to were you are now. Its not something we normally apply to our life goals , as we tend to just plod along each day and then get caught in the intensiveness of a current set back rather than view the bigger picture.

Id like to apply it to my current place in my journey , but as yet I'm not sure how I can transfer this to emotions or the shape of my psyche and outlook rather than weight loss. Weight is tangible and measured, emotions are not! and I'm thinking aloud here , what I may have to do is come up with a positivity chart using short phrases that tracks my lifestyle through the last few years? This bit I need to work on I think !

A little too intensely naval gazing like you say , possibly , but if I disclose at some point the tougher, grittier and more personal aspects of my life , I think you'd think ,hey may be this would be a good thing!!! We always need to see the sun shined aspects of things ,even if there are shadows forming.

Oh and I still secretly weigh myself , just encase I start to creep again. Shhhhhhhhhhhh dont tell anyone!

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