Wednesday, 10 June 2009

The hands have it

For some reading the following , this may seem extremely left field and almost incomprehensible, for others you may be able to identify with the experience, nevertheless , my words are true & my description is as close to what happened as possible

On the Monday of June 2nd 09, I had my 1st real trance experience at circle, one that I did not expect as we sat down in our pairs (chosen via raffle tickets)! I thought I was just going to have my usual Monday experience ; fairly intense but nothing out of the ordinary. Yet 20 minutes into my turn to trance heal and I felt the most unbelievable and strangely connected syncing with the person I was healing I had ever felt,I don't think I will ever forget the experience. I still cant quite believe it and I keep on going over the experience in my mind reliving it, as it was so powerful . It wasn't unpleasant , but it wasn't pleasant either ; my whole body felt as if it was being held in this strange , well the only word I can find is - Trance!!

The only clue in hindsight that things would be different was that at the hospice that morning when treating patients was that my whole body shook and my hands vibrated so much , I had to concentrate on not making it a discomforting experience for them. But both of them came round in a stooper as if they had been in an intense dream sleep. I hadnt yet experienced this whilst healing.

Im found 10 days later at my following Monday circle I could, (well for now, as you never know when your abilities will ebb and flow), go into trance or meditation at the drop of a hat.

All I keep seeing is how my hands on that Monday were stuck to my recipients back as if glued on or magnetised to them, almost as if they were sinking in to that person. I know when spirit are near as I normally feel my body leaning to the side or as if Im in a force field I cant move from, but this time my whole body was moved and slumped forward and it was damn hard to control. I totally took on the shape and form of the grandmother of the recipient and started to feel an intense amount of emotion for them both. The feeling of compassion was so strong it took over my whole body , like nothing I have ever experienced. As my circle leaders voice came into frequency and I heard his words "please step back from the medium" , I came whooshing out with such force that it brought on hyperventilation and a rush of emotion that left me sobbing. It was an extreme shock to my system , as I was being pulled from one level of consciousness to another. Hyperventilation is something Ive had to deal with in the recent past so thankfully , due to my, (lets call it training in how to deal with acute panic attacks), I think I was just about able to stave it off. Our teacher has discussed on several occasions that coming out too quickly can cause this effect , but until your actually in that deep , you don't quite realise how hard it is too harness the information you've been told to prevent it. I know for sure I will know for next time!

I am surprised Im able to write about it , as I feel part of my consciousness was almost of another plane for that half hour of my life, but Ive been teaching myself how to recall dreams, as it was something very much recommended for my work. I' have been wondering if this is why I was told to do so, so that I can easily connect with what I see and feel when on another level.

During the experience I felt many things ; Spirit had stepped in to my aura so closely that I felt my whole body being hugged and held , my head kept on being pulled back and my body was moved side to to side. It was hard to keep still. I still cant quite believe what I felt , as in all honesty , even at my circle watching others do this , Ive thought that may be Im being hoaxed , but yet I know that what Im writing is true. It felt extremely real and in no way forced, it was in fact a very special experience. One I don't think I will forget.

I hope to be able to connect in this way again, as it greatly benefits my work and my connection with the spirit who is trying to convey its message to me for my sitters. Just next time I must remember to ground a bit more on the exit!!

Wednesday, 20 May 2009

New York Synchronicity

Ok so I haven't written in here again for some time and its simply that I haven't felt spiritual of late and I really didn't want to turn this into some Ive-heard-it-all before kind of boring blog that just makes people click straight out, are you the next one,I hope not!! Ive been avoiding writing , as Im a normal kind of gal , not a guru of anything , but a deep interest in many areas of life. Some of them very philosophical & important; Reiki , meditation and new science, to name but a few. Some of them just fun life ; gourmet food, movies , restaurants and of course fashion.

If your not clicking out right now, Im most humbled that you are reading about my life and experiences and my unsusual jumble. With spirituality , I feel it has to be spontaneous and not forced , so Im loathed to push things just to write about them otherwise for me it wont be from a real heartfelt place. With regards to my often spiritual hiatuses Im not sure if its all the layers of my current life ; As all of us mums, I juggle the hats I spoke of in the previous post : parenting duties, wifely duties, Reiki hospice work , Mediumship development work, mind work and also the continuing investigations into my eldest kidneys; they seem to like making themselves bigger and she likes her frequent visits to hospital for infections! Great Ormond St Hospital is my second home some weeks! With all this combined I think Ive just totally taken my eye off the spiritual orb!

So Ive gone to New York this weekend for our hedonists foody fashion 10yr wedding anniversary trip sans kidlets and Im minding my tomato juice and pretzel offerings at 30'000 ft along with my very intriguing new book called Kingdom of the Golden Dragon. It was around the 1st few pages that I started to notice a sudden series of synchronistic happenings. For the 1st time in months I had time to just be and in that space I suppose the messages of connection to all things came through. It seemed something or someone , (my higher self ?),wanted me to have a giggle and some joy come my way. I may have mentioned before that my belief system on synchronicity is that a) Ive been here before and Ive left some tree marks along the path (as in Home with God by Neale Donald Walsch ) or b) I'm in the right place at the right time and its very auspicious.

So there I am with my tom juice and some me time for some hours and Im on the 1st few pages of a magazine, now for some this may seem a bit frivolous and silly , but it was a sign, a shallow fashion sign , but a sign!: I went to great lengths before leaving for this trip to find the perfect shoe to match a dress Id taken for one of our evenings , a version of a louboutin shoe no less and as I turn the 1st page I open an image of the very shoe that mine had been modelled on. All the days previously I had searched high and lo online for this over and over!!

Black Gardenia Satin Platform

Now many of you may be thinking nahhhhh cobblers -excuse the pun- how can that be anything of meaning or substance , but wait , this was the start of a cascade of little synchronicities that went on for the 4days I was there . I remember rushing after the 4th one to get some paper out of my bag , as I just had to start recording them. I knew with my sieve brain that I would not remember them! So here in order, if you wish to peruse, is the rest of them;

2) So Im watching something light and silly, sort of, with it being "Hes not that into you" , (how slow & painful is that film!!) and one of the main female characters, played by Jennifer Conolly, is having her house remodelled and there's a scene shot in the kitchen discussing the; will he, wont he call. Behind them was a wall of ovens and cupboards all covered in clear cellophane, a scene very familiar in my very own house a few weeks back!

Kitchen scene from "Hes not that into you". Image from OutNow-CH

3)One of the Characters names is Janine and the last person I spoke with before boarding was my friend of the same name!

4) As we're finally able to take our seat belts of , I notice a familiar face come towards the amenities , she looks exactly like the last patient I treated at the hospice. This patient had some very bad news and I havent seen her for some weeks now.

5) As we're landing in JFK and I mean coming down on the tarmac , I turn to chapter 3 of my book, the opening lines of which are ; "On the other side of the world, Alexander cold was arriving in New York"!

6) The morning after we land , we take a taxi across town for breakfast, as we stop and start through Soho we're talking about a Ted Baker dress Ive brought with and lo and behold on my right as we stop is that very shop! Now even he the mans noticed this one , and normally hes so not into these things at all!

7) So we've gone to Big Daddy's , as recommended by our hotel , for breakfast for our first full American breakfast fill up of the trip, (yes I eat a load of ole crapola sometimes)! As we're walking towards it on the corner we notice that we're right at the door of City Crab. This holds dear to he the mans and I, as it was the place of a very memorable night , (the night before he proposed!). We had a lovely evening together there more than 10yrs ago in New York! There is a picture in our conservatory of us there and we talked of it just before leaving. We had NO idea Big Daddy's was on the same road in the same area two doors down!

City Crab 2 doors from Big Daddy's

8) As were finishing our meal , I look over to a family of 3 who have been seated , I cant take my eyes of their little girl as she looks just like my littlest, but a few years older , its uncanny. So as we leave Im compelled to go over and say so , showing my mobile image of my two girls to them and they too are shocked at the resemblance. They ask where we're from , and we realise in conversation that last night we happen to have been on the same flight coming in from London!!

9) We were talking about going back to Miami at some point with our children and at the time we were taking a taxi accross town. Lo and behold we look up to see at that very moment a HUGE billboard of an advert for the Fontainebleau Miami! Ive subsequently found out that friends of my sisters are there this very minute!

10) On our last morning , we take a taxi to South Street Seaport and on the floor is some Taxi documents stating that this is cab no 8, my very very auspicious and lucky no!

11) As we eat breakfast there , I look over to find directly across from me is a Jewellery stand called HANAMI, the name I use on here!!

12) Now this one is a little bit tenuous , but never the less it was a near almost ish connection . So Im continuing my book and I come upon another chapter. This time the characters are landing in NYC at 5:45 , and as it so happens weve just landed in LONDON (ok heres where we loose some of the connection) and JUST stopped at the gate at 4:45!

and there we are , you may think many of this happen chance, Ive made them up or that anyone can read and link anything together that they wish to connect to their lives , but it was their juxtaposition in such a short space of time that blew me away.

Whats your take on these events? How do you feel about these co joined happenings in your own life? When do you most notice them?

Friday, 10 April 2009

My blogs 1st birthday and my hats!

I cant believe March has come and gone in a blur of craziness, builders and mess and I was remiss to come on and say Happy 1st Birthday to my blog!

My blog started in a slue of words, creativity and energy and well life has got hectic of late and burning the midnight oil to get posts done has been errmm somewhat taken over by my tweetfests! I'm sure many can own up to that!

I am going to start sounding like I'm giving a rather sugary awards acceptance speech right now, so you have been warned!

I want to show gratefulness to those last year who helped get me started and supported me in the early few weeks when I was a blog virgin , so thank you Monique from Escape hatch & Barbara from Candy Hearts and paper flowers . We may not speak often , but you were very helpful and it was great to make connections across the pond!

Chloe , my lovely friend from Yorkshire who owns the lovely and funny craft & jewellery blog Mee , we often are on the same page with many things in our lives. Shes the one who always is interested in what I do and is always supportive and when she can, with her very busy household , always comes on and reads & comments here. I'm sure if we lived near each other we would see each other often.

I don't know were my Gifted Hand blog is going lately and I'm on a path of new discovery right now which means I'm having to take much more contemplation time. Its like I'm learning how to be a new version of me. Sometimes I think wow great I really have something to contribute to this turning world , other times I just want to hide and lick my own self imposed wounds!

I'm really enjoying using my Reiki connection at the hospice and despite treating patients and some carers who are dealing with all sorts of cancers, I find it very rewarding.Many friends and family have been wary of it, asking; wouldn't it make me sad or upset? I don't feel that at all. I'm facilitating others to relax, reduce their pain and more importantly give them some time that isn't about doctors and hospital appointments, I feel very privileged to be able to be a channel for that. It seems to help me as much as them so its not all an altruistic act!

My mediumship abilities still astound me and I cant yet see a picture of where this skill is going to take me , sometimes I don't even know why I'm doing it!! I think Ive been going for over 2yrs and was definately guided to go there. Sometimes I feel like Im doing for doing it , and other times I come home blown away by energy and information. Despite that my classes are challenging and fun all the same. I get a real buzz when we do our podium style practise evenings and Im the one doing readings and getting lots of validation of who and what Im seeing. To help others connect with ones they've lost is also a moving experience.

The mind work is proving also to be a double edged sword. On the one hand Im tapping into all sorts of layers that I didn't connect together and its such a relief to get it out of me and deal with. Earlier in my blog I spoke about sabotagin myself and doing things to stop my own light shining. Like the words from Tyra banks in Americas next top model cycle 11 (yes she can be profound even if it is only a fashion thing) ; "You are standing in your own way".Opening up and sharing what Ive held in, which is preventing my own progression, is helping me to tear down some of my own self imposed blocks. Sometimes I'm finished for a week and I'm like aaaaahhh big sigh of relief to offload, other times I think it would be easier to just get off the social wheel and go hide from it all!

Lastly there's my family , my girls give me so much too as I see them develop. They are both very loving and affectionate creatures and I hope that's a reflection of my own parenting. Don't get me wrong , they're angels with devilish ways also, little pickle is getting extremely picklish lately, expressing her self as a person in her own right! Right now eldest has just shouted from the conservatory that pickles is doing something naughty; he the mans and I have walked in to find chocolate ice cream smeared all over the floor tiles and down her face and clothes and a look of "who me" on her face! My eldest also does things that just blow me away. I fell over the other day at home , and little cupcake came and put her hand on me and said she was doing what I do by giving Reiki, I was so touched.

Wearing several hats can be rewarding and exciting and it makes you feel like life is moving and not stagnating , but it also means I'm spread thin and don't have much time in there for me to just be. Small things like being OK with pyjama and TV time , or just sitting in the bath for an hour once my girls are in bed or even having some spa or holistic treatments. Something is always niggling and I seem to feel I should be busy tidying or organising or writing or being something (a new modern times phenomena?). Like what I do for my patients ; give them back some me time, I need to allow it for myself . I'm working on that and making sure I don't put my needs aside to often, because if I don't recharge then I cant put on all my hats and that will not do.

How do you put your many hats down? Whats the thing that helps you tune out? Is it a huge bar of chocolate and a hot bath or are you a constant on the go person?

Thursday, 26 February 2009

Coping through the crazies!

Right now I'm literally sitting amongst the debris that was my home! No there's not been an act of god , but an act of builders! Instead of having a client I am the client! For the last few months I have been in long discussion with a Kitchen designer , lighting suppliers and a building team. Ive had fun creating a crisp, fun & striking environment that works much better for the family and updates our home. As lovely and homely as it was , it didn't really work well and storage has always been an issue. We are so looking forward to living in a much more ergonomically laid out setting. We've lived for nearly 7 years with fridges under stairs , doors crashing into each other, pots and pans spilling out all over, creaking plumbing and blocked pipes. This week most of that has GONE and hopefully so has the clogged up energy that was in it too!

Living amongst the carnage is an experience I'm not sure I'll repeat and every surface is covered in thick dust : I have floorboards, raw brick walls and up until yesterday, no ceiling! but despite all this I keep reminding myself how grateful I am to be able to do something like this. Its also been very exciting getting my interior design abilities out the cupboard for a dust off and it will be a thrill to see our design evolve in the next few weeks. Ive even helped a supplier springboard some new ideas in product development and image change with a commission for this build. They're also quite looking forward to see the finished article in place.

Another huge challenge has been the sudden medical state of my little big cupcake, literally the DAY AFTER the build started, 3 weeks ago, little big cupcake decided it would be good , alongside our house being cut to bits, to be rushed into hospital for several days, culminating in 3 hospital admissions in less than 4 weeks for the recurrence of the same symptoms ! Fraught , you will be! It started as a mystery infection, (appendix was thrown into the picture), in the lower abdomen area and eventually got diagnosed as a kidney infection- possibly! Ive really had to step up in protecting this little person I created and make sure she gets the care she needs to get to the bottom of things. Its been a mystery to everyone that it reoccurred so many times and further investigation will still be ongoing.

Whatever is going on , I'm feeling there is a much big picture at play, but right now , no ones given me the instruction book! I read recently that if I cant work that out , then I'm to leave it to the universe to make it pan out as it should and develop coping mechanisms in the meantime. Listening to Jenni Barnett's LBC slot on 25th Feb there was a discussion on how to manage the difficulties in life and stay optimistic. It was said we need to cultivate a thought pattern that appreciates the small things ; a nice cup of tea, a hot bath, a vibrant snack , a huge bowl of freshly made chicken soup (lovingly prepared by my dad & what a small blessing that was), a tight hug from another offspring, my hand held by my own mum and whatever else makes you sigh with relief of fill you with joy. Ive spent many years writing joy lists and making sure every day I find just a small kernel of comfort, but sometimes you get dragged into an intensity of concern that makes you forget to do that, especially when its to do with your child's health.

I definitely think these small things do make a difference in a day that if seen from a negative angle would have you reeling , but seen through the split second flashes and teeny moments of relief, change the whole perception and frankly allow you the stamina to get through days of constant hospital stay ins ! Although I will say honestly that in these last few days, I have been tested to my utmost in all and every which way! We don't have the easiest of patients in our blessed (her Hebrew name is Bruchah) , little cupcake and this ole mama has had to use every mental and physical muscle to calm and soother her 24/7! Its quite surreal living in one curtained cubicle on and off for weeks next to your child.

My whole little section of the universe has gone Topsy turvy, coming home to the chaos of the house in between each admission as you can see has been a real test of my metal. Initially the wreck of the house seemed to pale into the distance but I'm now home in the thick of it, or rather thrown out of the thick of it , as the builders have made it a no pass zone this week! Ive turned into a refugee of my locale! Ive spent the whole week bouncing from friends and family, house to house, passing the day trying to relax away from my own comforts yet again and bring myself back together and recharge, whilst little cupcake is bounding around at school like a jack jumped out of the box! If only I had the bounce back that a child has!

When my girls get ill like that , the world seems to stop turning on the outside , whilst we are living in a typhoon on the inside! As much as I could, I have I passed Reiki through to her and EFT tapped our way out of her heightened alarm at repeated needles, IVs and antibiotic flushes. My feet have literally not touched the ground and I think neither has my spirit! All I could hear was the quiet voice of a spirit guide whispering , hang on little bird, hang on. (That seemed to be my only connection with my guides over this time). Despite using several different grounding techniques Ive spent every day through this as if Id spin right out of my body!

Most have said you cant control these things that they will always be thrown at you in life, but for me I feel they happen for a reason and as I said before I cant always get to that reason straight away. Despite the emotions and thoughts (& worries)they create, Its really made me think about manifestation and law of attraction and Ive been trying to overlay that concept with whats been coming about in our little life here. And to coin a phrase from a favourite blogger at Back in Skinny Jeans , I am using a "health prosperity partner" right now to sort out what kinks there are in my armour and finally help me draw out what I don't need anymore that might be attributing to some of this picture, as my responses to the stress the last few years since becoming a mother have been less than balanced! (May be that's just being a human in the face of extreme situations and places kids take you too!).

What coping techniques have you used to get through several challenges that have come at once? Do you think there's a bigger situation than can be seen being played out when this happens? Do you feel that a state of mind and awareness will change events or will it just change our perception of them?

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Have I seen you lately?!

Its become apparent to me over the last few months the distance many of us have with each other. I also realised that many of our phones ring less & mobiles bleep more. The use of texting ,email, facebook , facebook email, twitter et al are wonderful and exciting mediums in the new wave of communication. I for one love interacting with others this way . I feel every day , especially on twitter, I take up new ways of thinking and have fun making new connections with others in a similar field and many who are not, BUT I feel we mustn't forget the need to connect with people on a real face to face level, voice to voice.

In the ever increasing need to be globally aware and think of our environment , our school has now gone electronic , we are no longer get given anything on paper , but via email. The pros are yes very paramount ; no waste , you cant lose an email as such , so there's no way you can say you haven't read it and you don't have loads of paper everywhere! The cons ; A feeling that there is a divide or separation. A feeling that may be you shouldn't speak to people in person , that they may be too busy or unavailable. I think this is happening on a social level also.

Many of us feel lost , alone and quite separate and I feel its only exaggerated by the very impersonal use of communication devices. Don't get me wrong I use all of the methods of communication mentioned and I think its a wonderful thing we have going, but how do we get back to feeling we can just simply talk, (like being round a campfire), or even just knock on a friends door and say lets have a cuppa? Or shockingly have a whole conversation that doesn't consist of text tennis and 20 of them by the time your finished!

Is it because of these methods that we have less time for real contact , or does it pave the way to have more? Have we actually saturated ourselves with communication and contact with others? How do you transition from having an online relationship to a real time live one?

I think the best remedy is to make sure that every week , real contact is made, instead of a text, facebook or twitter update, phone someone. Where possible, time permitting , location permitting ,(yes I know we cant all pop on planes and see others overseas), meet up , chat round a hot drink, have some face to face time.

Ive probably missed a whole gamut of new fandango communication devices in the video conferencing market or some such,(when businessing at home you really do have to keep more of an eye on the progression of things but Ive liked to keep my life simpler of late!) , although it has been some time since I used my web cam on MSN, may its time to warm it up again, or is that passe now!? For that matter , I haven't even tapped the possibilities of my Skype account either, so who needs to pay phone bills anymore!

What do you do to make sure your connected to people rather than just with words on a screen? Is your web cam always on? Or sometimes do we actually like being able to hide behind these screens, do we like not having to make physical or more human contact? Is the world so fast paced now , that its quite nice to choose when and how we speak? Do you have less phone calls or do you still like to philosophise together into the night?

On that note , wheres my phone!?!

Wednesday, 14 January 2009

Back on my Island or How I want to still be there!

Well I'm back from one Island (Duck Key) , to another (UK) and it was a wonderful time away, I have some cherished memories , 350 photographs (I'll blame that on the sports setting) , 2hrs of video and a cupboard full of clothes that have a smell : Downy Lavender & Vanilla fabric conditioner!!! , (& yes a bit strange to add a link , but I just have to as it will forever mean so much & evoke every moment of our last few days away) oh and makes little cupcake wale with "I'm so sad I'm not there". I'm trying to express to her how the smell is good as a reminder of a great time and feel good in that , but hey , Ive got another 18 yrs is it before she understands the concept if gratitude!!

I would have posted this sooner, but Ive had quite a delay in getting over this jet lag , as little cupcakes night traumas & uber sensitivity have gone up a notch since our return. We've been awoken every other night or so the last 12-14 days around 1am to sobbing that's lasted for well over an hour or more. I tell you EFT is nothing short of miraculous in calming the hysterics down and I know I go on about it , but its just a lifesaver when all else fails, my baby sitter at the weekend couldn't get over its effects. Shes had a real roller coaster of emotions , I think its a mixture between the time difference, increased awareness and some ermm colourful stories my little other family member has been sharing that shes not to keen on! Sshhhhh lets not mention the Tornado word!

It was quite a challenge initially to be with he the mans 24/7 when away and made for a difficult start , as we really need to do some joint healing work (& that many readers is for disclosure at a MUCH braver stage), but we eventually relaxed and really came together . This trip showed me what a joy I can have with simple family things. Ive never really 100% sat well in my role as mother and housewife and always makes sure I let people know that I have my hand in several pies away from those positions,(yes I know its probably ego speak) , but on this trip I completely melded into it and I had a ball.

The wonder was seeing everything from my girls eyes. Ive been to the US on many lucky
occasions through my life from childhood in the
80's, but this was the first time with my own family and my own memories, going as a child with my parents and sister, are still to this day extremely vibrant. I hope we have started to embed in our girls the same colourful images to think back on.

Unfortunately I didn't get much time to meditate or do much Reiki for that matter , but just allowed myself to be, experience and relax and that's what was needed very much. We ate some lovely food (& some not so lovely big greasy food) and little cupcakes addiction to Buffalo wings went into overdrive, in fact we all got soo addicted to them, I wonder in Ayurvedic terms was our need for savoury pickley spicy flavours?! I'll show some food pics soon on Nosh of Love and you can see what we chomped our way through in 14days!

Since returning we've done all we can to find a way to go back there as soon as we can , but right now were counting down the last few days before our house is ripped to shreds and re modelled in a much more sensible way & that has to be the focus. All that luxury and comfort to icky mess! Life's contrasts hey!

You cant see Miami & not go to Ocean drive hey

Right in the middle of new buildings and highways of Lincoln mall , was this white Colonial confectionery

My girls were mesmerised!

A garden in Duck Key , some garden!

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! The View from our Veranda