Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Chrismakah tapping central

Image from NurseCrilly

Little cupcake is revisiting her Tornado hell ,(I have my nephew to thank again, hes such a doom merchant, but who can put down an amazing creative mind!), and Ive spent every night this week pulling out all my tricks. Ive done Reiki, the psychiatrists acknowledge/distract technique and the last 2 nights she's had miraculous relief from EFT - "even though tornado's are scary , I am safe , calm and secure"- tap tap tap. I didn't quite know what else to use as the statement, but it seemed to work wonders and she was calm (& laughing), in a few minutes from all out banshee screaming and terror. She whips her visual creative mind into a frenzy over these things poor little one, boy does she take after her mum. Who me?

We'll have a big change of scenery , for the 1st time ever this time of year, as were off off and away from the old blighty in under 48hrs to hot sunny Miami beach! Were all in need of some sun, having had a wash out summer and then 2week of flu and infection in this little house! Thank gawd were all nearly over that ,I bet he the mans wishes my voice was still gone though! This holiday will also mark the anniversary of little cupcakes nasty time last year culminating in surgery. It was round this date that she started to finally recover, shes come a long long way since then, such a miraculous difference for her in her short little life. Its all behind us now and we need to make sure we remind ourselves of the gift of modern medicines and treatments despite my sadness at the amount of drugs and nasty things she had to ingest month after month.

We have a huge "Chrismakah" lunch out tomorrow, near the city , with my family and my sisters boyfriends family too, (all 22 of us) , hmmmm , parents meeting parents, intriguing? Hes also taking her on a secret destination for a romantic trip, more hmmm!! I will probably be asked to do readings for everyone at some point, (my sisters Bf is always asking), may be not such a good idea after egg nog and all that , but I always take my cards with me everywhere. I bought a wonderful new set last week , the Godess guidance Oracle and they've been so accurate and on target I love them.

We've been packing all afternoon and it feels like Im trying to squeeze an elephant into a pair of tights with all the stuff were taking. I mean how many clothes , shoes , toiletries and bits of I- dont -know- what, do we need! Im sooo a Jewish girl when it comes to going away! My sister the ever efficient and compact one is amazed at my capsule shoe wardrobe for the trip, only 7 pairs as apposed to my usual 12!!! Im much to matchy matchy for my own good. Its something I need to learn to calm down from, appearance is far to much for me! As my friend coined many years ago , Im a lipstick tree hugger!!

I have to have new tunes when going away, it seems to help set the road trip tone to it all and helps in my insights and inner work, which flow much more easily when away from my normal routine. I'm busy adding Cd's to itunes and then my iPod, mainly Reiki ones, so amongst all the mayhem that is holidays abroad with kids and all of us on top of each other, I will find some peace.

On Monday a few from our development circle got together and later on in the evening all the lights were turned out and we sat at the table and had a mini seance. It started off as nothing out of the ordinary and then suddenly white balls of light were flashing on her ceiling , we all sat there trying to check ourselves ; was it a car? is there some equipment with a light flash? No, none of those. It was amazing and the whole other half of the room kind of vibrated and zig zagged with energy.

We ended the night by smudging the room with Nag champa incense asking for the energy build up to go back to Gaia and the Universe, as the dweller of the house needed to get to sleep! The room was full of others from the realms unseen coming for a chat and a nose at her dining table!

I will be back in a few weeks with some new posts that I have waiting in the wings and need some more work. I will probably spend much of my holiday reflecting on all that has happened in the last 365 days. I hope I have a notebook handy whilst there, I have quite a few things to prepare for in January; some help for me and help for others far more in need than I . Whilst away I may even find a way to get on too twitter, oh don't be silly of course I will!!

Hope whoever reads my blog has a great holiday time and a good break, Happy New year , Happy Chanukah.

What will you be reflecting on?

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

Sleepless in London

Call me Nurse Hana! Wherever I look there's a little ill person , oh and big one in our bed right now, as he was struck down last night with the flu which has seen an unexpected increase this year. I don't know who to look after first,but thoughtfully we've got ill in sequence , giving me a chance to get a bit better before having to do all night vigils with the other half of my little family! Talking of my reference to Sleepless in Seattle in my title, remember the character Walter and his bedside , well by my bedside has on it everything but the kitchen sink ! I'm even looking at buying a humidifier this weekend!

Ive not been able to post much again , but having the shivers and sleeplessness for days on end and then it being passed around our four walls has left me needing much rest, haaaa but how to get it in a house of ills! The bed has been my companion alongside my laptop! Ive even had to miss my beloved development circle this week, something I'm loathe to do , but it had to be. I did manage to join the twitter community last week though and have very quickly met with some really interesting and inviting people and many following a similar path. The only thing is its just another addiction I will have to watch out for, as being at home for so long has given me much opportunity for hovering !

I'm thinking all this time at home will mean I come whooshing up next week ,as all we've done is languish around in pj's and eat fruit and drink water, yey for the papaya! Its just the best when you can no longer eat citrus from having a raw throat and its also good for settling the stomach. Id love to have given every one in the house a lot more Reiki than Ive done , but haven't had the strength and Ive needed to rest when I can. Ive been pondering on the possibility that the healing crisis comes on sooner, possibly, if one does self healing amidst the worst of the symptoms?

Right now at my laptop is my little pickle covering me in play doh, soggy tissues and half eaten fruit! The little cupcake however is covering the whole kitchen in play doh! I myself will have to find some small pleasures to get through another day at home, (a nice lunch treat?), apart from the doctors I haven't seen society since last Wednesday, so I'm assuming the world hasn't ended yet! Ive had no time to organise anything for Chanukah at my sisters, and only less than a week to sort clothes and loads more for our Family New years trip to Miami & the Keys next week. Its going to be busy the next coming few days!

Be back soon when we banish the ills!

What do you do with self healing and certain illness, can it increase the symptoms before improvement?

Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Mandala healing

Dark mustard represents an over active core chakra or blockage.

Last year I was asked to take the circle class and as I had just found out about Mandala's from here and had mentioned earlier one circle evening, it was a case of be careful what you wish for (being the Leo that I am and liking being the teacher and not the student), as there and then I was asked to do a mini workshop on the very subject the week after!!!!
At first the old tapes me started to panic at the prospect of creating a workshop in 7days and then the new me said no problem ,let the universal energy flow and it will too. In 2 days I had compiled a 10 page presentation! See I knew being a buyer would come in handy later in in my real incarnation!!!

Today as I was completing my post about wanting to hear from readers on Reiki cleansing and life development, I mentioned the Solar plexus. So inspired I decided to do a quick PowerPoint mandala - as seen above . Its quite easy just to play around with the computer shapes & lines , changing shades and making them transparent to add visible layers. Once done,drag your cursor over the whole thing , click to copy, paste into Paint and save as , et voila , your very own image of your Mandala as a whole.

Apart from creating the mandala this afternoon, I realised during the process, that it seems , from the very dark mustard yellow and the almost intense jagged layers , that I have a bit of a clogged up solar plexus centre from far to much input! I think some Reiki healing is in order!

If you would like to know more about Mandalas I will be posting sections of the workshop here I designed, including my first experiments with laptop mandalas, as much as I love paint on paper , sometimes I just want to get the ideas and impressions out really quickly , but yet very geometrically :

This is taken from the 1st 2 sections:

This evening you will learn a very special and different way to access your inner soul through art.
You will learn about Mandalas and a little of their history
You will also learn about how they look and how different they can be and how many forms they can take
This evening you will experience creating your 1st one (of several, they are addictive !!) and see were it takes you and how it makes you feel
There are no hard rules , just get some paper , colours, rulers, compass, you & some universal flow !!!

Experience , enjoy and share


Mandalas is Sanskrit for circle or completion, or “concentric energy circle” , these images were created inside a box or circle , both or any given shape that the creator wishes to use. Hindu in origin , but used in many Dharmic religions.
Many show shapes and forms that repeat all the way round , flowing into a focal point Known as a Bindu. This is used to help the trance , meditative state .
Often used as a form of communication through oneself to others. Mayans used the sacred geometry of Mandalas for temples and on their calendars or sacred rounds (also known as as a Tzolkin see image below)

Mandalas to me are a visual meditative tool to get into the soul or essence of ones self. Combining meditation , divination and revelation.

Look out for the next section , coming soon.

In the meantime let me know if you've had a play with Mandalas yourself. Feel free to share them here.


Life changing spiritual books, have you read one lately?

Image from Gurusoftware

See Ive always been one to go searching and searching for books, books and more books. When I'm in a groove , ill suck them up like a hoover on coke! But I have one proviso now when book hunting ; that they leap out at me and say , "you must must read me" , otherwise I just feel its not meant for me (that leap out looks very much like someones turned the saturation button up on the colours of the front cover). Although recently I picked up Eat Pray Love in an Airport shop and I just had to buy it , despite putting it back several times on the shelf , (as I had taken 3 new books already & by the way I still haven't started) . I'm halfway and so far I'm really enjoying it. Its one of those books I look forward to going to bed for so I can get down into it. Until this book, that resonance hasn't happened for some time. One theory from my teacher is that Ive done enough input work , now I need to output, do the practicals.

I tend to have a few of them ,(well quite a few stacked by my bed on the floor and often when tidying I just sit and thumb through them). The main one in my recent past that has done that bam thing for me was Home with God and it blew my mind.

I remember going on the underground the day I finished it and had the most amazing experience. Yer I know , like how can travelling on the underground in London be amazing when you've been doing it for over 20 years. It was like I suddenly saw and felt what is was all about. I had this overwhelming feeling and its so hard to put it into words here, but I will try;

I suddenly felt that oneness with everything and saw through the illusions. Sitting there on the platform in the subdued light, I felt a connectedness and a wonder and I couldn't stop staring at everyone around me. It felt so surreal , and yet amazing all at the same time. I felt small and yet I felt joined. For that brief few minutes I expanded my consciousness beyond the layers of the tunnels, tarmac, road and tubing. It uplifted me out of myself and I felt joy without any need, energy without outside stimulus and a calm that came unfettered. I cant remember beyond this, but I think I was able to tap it briefly for a few weeks after. It was if I was allowed a brief window into our existence but the window wasn't opened for long for its energy was so powerful to comprehend.

Apart from climbing to the top of Angels Landing in Zion Canyon many years ago and riding a horse alone in Monument valley for an afternoon , Id say that this was very oddly one of the most amazing mystical moments of my life! Thats right , down on the dark , smelly, crazy busy London Underground!

So if you have one spiritual book that you felt really changed your thoughts and feelings on life , or made you fizz with recognition and gave you inspiration, new intentions or new ways to be , what was that?

Monday, 24 November 2008

Enough about me for now (well at least this post!!)

Pontoon Bridge image almost as seen in attunment
Etchu Province, Toyama, Pontoon

I need to hear from you , my readers out there. Ive noticed that many readers come here after google searching for Reiki cleansing. So Id like to hear how your cleansing experiences have gone; are you finding even way past the 21 days , months even , that you are becoming more self aware? That every living experience is noticed much more in fine detail? Is your life lighter or has it made you feel you've sunk a bit into sludge, created by years of burying pain? Are you questioning your way of life more ? Do relationships suddenly seem more in the spotlight? Are you self healing every day? Do you do every hand position or just one on the centre of the body? Or even has it had no effects at ll? Id really like to know.
Also did you write a cleansing diary and if so have you looked back at it , whats changed, if anything? Has your life since Reiki taken you down a new path? See now Im thinking ahhhhhhh , I must go and look at mine.

Ive been talking a lot about myself , my self development and the things I do to pull myself from darky avenue. What I want to know is how others keep themselves balanced and light. The Reiki way of life can completely change your aspect on things , so kind of like best practise at work , whats been working for you?

Oh and even if you haven't done Reiki , but some other life development work, and some of the questions above relate , then Id like to hear about that too.

Its always good to share others experiences , and the things that you benefit from. I'm sure we can all learn something new from others and a different approach is always great even if its something simple. I remember talking with circle friends about self healing, sometimes at bed time , I'm really not in the mood for doing every hand movement and this meant that I actually didn't do it on several nights. One of the others girls suggested just working on the solar plexus chakra, so now, (when I remember), I just lay my hand there, do what I need (being the sacred symbols that I try not to disclose if I can help it) and let it do its thing.

Namaste x

Sunday, 23 November 2008

Massage my dosha more, baby!

Image courtesy of The Telegraph , Sequoia spa foot ritual

I was extremely lucky to have been sent to a Spa last week , an indulgence only taken on once a year, but he the mans booked it as a surprise, he, even if I don't, will often see when I need to do these things. It was at The Sequoia spa at The Grove that I had a very much needed escape for the day . Although I didn't easily relent to the relaxing decadent time offered completely! Trust me , I need to be whacked over the head with a mallet to shut off and give in! Its one of the reasons why I think I end up so frazzled and out of balance as I don't think I look after myself like this enough. Instead of relaxing I spent the whole day thoroughly intrigued by my therapists career journey and training! I was fascinated and found it really inspiring and couldn't stop asking her question after question!

I'm in no way sponsored by Espa and this is going to sound like a paid sales pitch , but my most favourite products are the Espa ones , being all natural and smelling amazing. This Spa is one of their main flagships, so all of the latest products and spa treatments are on offer. Ive been once before when they first opened for a day spa and never forgot how I was treated and looked after; it really was very special and nurturing experience and I was looking forward to that succumbing again.

The main bases for the Espa therapies is combining holistic, Ayurvedic and eastern philosophies with modern treatments. Within 5 minutes of consultation, (during the "foot ritual" seen in the image above) , my therapist had correctly worked out my Dosha or personal constitution type out of 3 :

Vata = Air & Ether - controlling movement

Pitta= Water & Fire - controlling metabolism

Kapha = Earth & Fire - controlling structure

With mine currently being Vata , she tailored the whole days treatments based on what would balance a Vata type : I was warmed , soothed and comforted with all sorts of oils, body wraps, lotions and potions, all chosen specifically to my sensory and sensual needs and likes . It was hard in parts to hold back the tears of emotions rising up , but I wanted to save those for after and just enjoy!

After a lovely peaceful lunch and a lay down in the womb like relaxation rooms (all aubergine velvet, moving beds, blankets and personal spa music, oh and the most lovely warm tea tonic !) , my face was stroked , my arms were rubbed and my hands wiggled until I just had to give in. So when the words "Mrs Mi your treatment is now over" at 4pm were quietly and calmly stated , I sighed a sigh inside wishing it could go on and on, as it had taken all day to get to this stage!!!

The effect by the end of the day was one blissed out Hana Mi , its a me that I need to remember when in the throes of any negative risings as it seemed to seep into every atom of my being. Ive bought some of the products from the day , not all , otherwise Id have needed to remortgaged, but I will be using them to help remind me of the feeling of relaxation as the smells will do much of the evoking work for me. I may have done much much more when my girls were spirits in the sky, but now its even more essential!

I remember several years ago The Body Shop did a whole series on Ayurvedic Doshas and specific products designed in line with Wild Earth . They were the first to offer these types of products commercially. I remember buying them in the sales when they were going to discontinue the range (and being very upset they were going as the body spray tonics were lovely) , the smells and textures designed for Vata were spot on for my tastes and they were really special products. They seemed so correct that back then I had very good evidence in the belief of Ayurvedic treatments. One I think I will be pursuing to add to my toolbox so to speak and use in my private practise on clients/patients in the future. Its quite exciting to re visit something again that I hadn't looked at for a long time and really take it on board, understand it properly and hopefully do some therapy courses for it to use it effectively.

Ive been unclear as to which way to take my practise of holistic therapies , having trained only in Reiki for now and going through the intense healing patch I'm experiencing ,I'm realising I need to take things very slowly. Its something I have to work hard to do as I like to take something and run with it immediately, bombarding myself , my life and my brain and never feeling quite proficient (sort of jack of all trades and master of none!).

My hospice position for a Reiki practitioner has now come through which is very important for me in my life changing course and I will start that in mid January 09 for a few hours every week. For the next few months I will let this be the simple road I travel, it will be a great learning experiencing for me and allow me to build confidence in what I'm doing. Eventually when ready to make additions to my treatments, I will start to learn other holistic therapies more intensely.

Simplicity is key and I need to take that on board if I'm to stay balanced for now. I will have to stop myself taking on more and more information , as it can be very exciting, but something in my life is telling me that this is not the best way to go right now. I need sameness , consistency and grounding right now.

Oh and meanwhile take a look at these online Dosha quiz's; One from Deepak Chopra's web site and another from "Whats your Dosha, baby" author Lissa Coffey’s . See I cant help myself! but then I see it as a benefit right now to know a little about who and what I am myself and what I can do for well being as these web sites have some great tips on self treatments.

I have too much Vata in the body and too much Pita in the mind!

and on that note , I also need to come away from the laptop and shut down my head for a while before bed time. Since the Spa day all Ive wanted to do is lay down and snuggle in a blanket!

Ive got to start listening to this body more hey!

ni ni all



Monday, 17 November 2008

Cleansing wheels

Today for the 1st time in weeks I awoke feeling more uplifted , like my energy had shifted and some of the debris & detritus had been removed over the last few days. I don't know if its acceptance from others around me of the real me or the fact that the real me and the social facade me have come together and I can start being a more authentic person rather than the fractured splintered version.

I spent this weekend taking time to be just at home being quiet and tidying and not really doing much. I spend most days , full on , rushing here and there and I think Im finally having to say to things and people and expectations ENOUGH!

I also have just let out any of the emotional pains and negative thoughts that have been held tight inside the little protective boxes we all like to shelve deep within us. It wasn't all pretty and I ended up blubbing a lot the last 3 days like a 5yr old!! Whilst having a blub feels messy and painful , it felt good to have let it leave my space and the tight containment Ive put on it all. He the mans has actually surprised me and been extremely supportive ; listening , helping at home and with my cupcake and pickle. Hes even booked me for a full spa day of calming and soothing rituals. Its a real treat as the last one I did was over 5 years ago!! I need to make full use of whats on offer and hopefully relax and really give into it and allow it.

I still have to battle the demons that I touched upon in my previous post and yesterday marked the the new path of that work in my healing with my therapy assessment. I think many more little boxes (and not so little , but well wrapped and hidden boxes) , will need opening and clearing through. A bit like when you do the cupboards out , (you know the ones were you horde everything and anything and it all falls out when you open the door). It all gets into a bit of a mess before it can be re organised , but then after all that hard work of sifting through and a "do I need this anymore?" , It starts to then look all wonderfully tidy and neat again, this time with much less clutter around!

Mondays class was all about feeling Universal energy as powerfully as possibly , this meant working on deep hatha style breathing and imagining the light coming into our bodies very slowly (making it stop at each chakra, breathing deeply several times and drawing it in to that point to really feel its presence) , from our feet up to our crowns. We then went on further to clear our body minds and spirits with cleansing wheels. It may sound all tree huggy and hippy , but experiencing the effects of the wheel through you can be really powerful :

Visualise a huge cart wheel , see it glowing like a huge white vibrating light around you. See all its spokes going right through your whole body , see it starting at your base chakra. Imagine it spinning around you as fast as you can and as it spins , see it removing the pains and difficult emotions of the day. See them flying out beyond the spokes and disappearing into vapour. Gradually see it go up through each chakra and repeat the process. Notice how it feels at certain parts , does it move freely , does it stop and feel stuck ? Do you feel any physical feelings during this exercise? I did , I felt sick sick sick, but its all good , it means its doing its work and the effects don't last too long after. It may continue to do its work for a few days after and it may bring up some emotions , but allow them to rise , release and flow away. You can go up or down again to the same chakra if you feel it needs concentration. Its something you can do ever week , whilst watching TV , sitting in the car at the red lights or in a ritualised start to a deep meditation.

The purpose of all this?

Its so I can be of better service to myself , my family and those I endeavour to support via Reiki and mediumship. Our teacher that night likened our bodies to a water pipe , and when blocked our energy cannot flow free, our work will be harder as will the flow of water. So the more we cleanse , clear out and remove whats not needed the better channels we can be as messengers, aiding others through their own healing from whatever that may be.



Tuesday, 4 November 2008


I think when I 1st set this blog out, I was full of summer sun hope. Now the days are dark and short , I seem to be wallowing in a pity party or just possibly have the condition SAD going on?What comes with this pity party is a feeling that somehow I'm a fake - How can I be spiritual and talk of inner peace and calm and yet inside I'm feeling inner turmoil? How can I look after others and care for them if I don't get my own house in order? The thing Is I do want to get it in order ,dig up the foundations and re do them, but I cant see who too turn too to help me with it.

The other thought is ,how much do I disclose here before this space goes from "being in the light" to gradually standing in the dark looking into a big black gaping hole? It then self perpetuates , what you focus on is what grows doesn't it?

So how to share the whats going down here, but not the how I got here?

Whats going down? That's been a question of mine for many years , its the reason I took the road less travelled, finding a way to ride the storms I find with emotions and mind tricks. The problem is I'm having guilt in being human and not always feeling so spiritual. Guilt associated with having feelings that are less than peaceful and doing things that are basically not good for my soul, mind or my body.

I wrote the above about 7 days ago and its been a very strange time of roller coaster feelings and behaviour some days I'm surrounded by others but feel I'm in some glass box , were no one can see me or they do, but cant penetrate the surface to me inside.

In that time I have sought some help and hopefully will find some relief in that, although it may take some weeks to come about. I finally owned up to the things Ive been doing to sabotage myself to my parents and they have been checking on me every day since, I cant say more than that right now and I know I'm talking in code and being vague , but I'm holding several of my cards to chest here until I see fit to disclose more when I'm in a place to .

Ive been more open with some of the people around me, well within boundaries that is . Ive learnt some hard lessons the last few weeks ; firstly I'm learning for once In my life I don't have to tell all and sundry what I'm about and why, although unfortunately it can just come off as a vibe and secondly be careful who you share with for not everyone has the capacity for more than a surface kind of interaction and not everyone will safeguard your heart and being , not everyone wants to , and why should they.

May be this is a lesson in self forgiving , in being able to have low ebbs and know I'm still a great human being , still have something to give and still caring about others. I know some in this world will see me as flaky or a bit subdued right now, (I tell you the playground school run is trench warfare), but I know I will come through this again as I have done in the past, Ive been down further than this and come back again. I know what I'm about and if others don't see my heart and soul for what it is , then I cant do anything about that.

Despite this , some people around me have stepped up and stepped closer (whilst many have stepped away) and may be they are the main ones to concentrate on for now ,for aqquantances are fun , but when the chips are down ...................................yada yada. My work at my now closed development circle goes from strength to strength , although the good work I do , I feel, is more to do with the universal presence's/beings/spirits that help me rather than my doing.

Could all of this be a part of my re boot !??

I just want to say a thank you to the universal sources that are still with me and continue to want to work with me. I'm privileged to be able to do this work. Its what holds me in so many ways, it is as the cliche says , a lightness in the the dark . (I feel I'm making an acceptance speech, shine those oscars, theres one with my name on it!!).

Isnt it amazing how cathartic writing is.



Friday, 17 October 2008


Will find inspiration and come back to this space!

Above is the sentence I put on here about 2 weeks ago, saved it to my edit posts menu with a blank page and have only come back to it today!!!

Before that I had a whole two paragraphs written in this space and found that I just couldn't post them and wiped them off as the content was all about some personal things happening socially. I don't know what that says about my integrity , but hey I'm being honest right now in the fact that Ive been drawing a blank since mid October in what to write here.

Despite this "writers block", or rather "what do I share with readers block", Ive had lots of varied life experience things going on : Much of those "personal things" had to do with friendships, trust and uneasy human interactions, some with my closed development circle and all the amazing phenomena we've been experiencing there, (which I'll share at another time when my words flow more freely) and some to do with my little girls and their growth. I know it all seems a bit vague but I'm needing some more time to digest the last few weeks and find a way of moving forward and learning from things whilst staying positive and not hurting myself in the process. I work every day balancing how I'm treated and how to treat others and its not always easy.

A good friend across the pond suggested I shut this down and start a fresh somewhere else , which might be a good idea considering all things. The only thing is I invested a lot of time and thought into this space and its design and I don't feel ready to move on from it. Its just something to consider as I don't think I can be as open as I would like here.

I also think this blog needs to have more of a USP to keep it fresh and vibrant. It would be good to get some ideas on how to progress this space and make it feel purposeful or just even a bit more spontaneous and freer. I need to do a bit of work chewing on some new material and revisiting the many notebooks and lists I keep, for this feels like the equivalent of tires going round and round in mud and I don't like it!!!!

I'm hoping that things will just sort of happen to get this moving again and normally it just does. I almost need to do the Internet version of a sage cleansing, ( now that might make for some good material?)!! Its possible that spirit have stepped back again as I'm known to try and juggle every plate going and then add some more, but lately its been much harder to keep it all going.

If anyone's got any ideas, that would be a great!!!

If you stay here whilst I sort of re boot a bit, that would be fab. I'm hoping its just another of my glitches in the programming !!!

Namaste to all those who visit here

Hana Mi

Monday, 6 October 2008

Wow 1000+ visitors to my blog !!!

Its official, Ive had over 1000 visitors yeeeahhhhhhhh, I know thats nothing compared to many in this ere blog world , but for me in my world , its kind of cool ! I'm also waaaay past my blogs half birthday!

I think firstly I'd like to say hi to those who come here , I hope you stay and visit often and secondly Thank you , if you've stayed around to read this space, well done to you, you deserve a gold star for reading !!! It would be great to hear from you (even if you stumbled upon here by accident ) and I hope that some of you who drop by will leave some messages, as its great to hear from those who read my minds wanderings!

Soooo how do I mark this occasion ? Anyone have any ideas???? Id love to know how Im doing here , if theres a subject someone would like me to discuss or indeed if anyone has questions, I'll do my best to answer.

Right now my life is at a crossroads , my application has been handed in for Reiki volunteering to be seen by the Hospice board of trustees , my professional Indemnity insurance to be sorted this week and I'm in limbo , waiting at the bus depot , wanting to be on my way!!! I shall be soon I feel, but in the meantime I need to do things that are a help, give my life a bit more texture and get me by . I also need to find ways to really boost my energy , (well apart from having earlier or undisturbed nights and 6 am starts!) , as it fluctuates like a yo yo.

Here are a few things that have been happening ;

I have had some little synchronicities in a cluster and several with regards to a teeny little book I keep by my bedside and have had for many years . I use it as a sort of book of answers before bedtime, by asking "what is it I need to know? " and then opening it !! Its called Women Power and each page is an idea or action on how to deal with different aspects of life . Each time Ive opened it randomly lately the theme of the pages has directly related to the thoughts and ideas at that very time! It may seem generalised but the timing in relation to the goings on has been spot on. I like to think spirit is helping to say : "yes Hana Me , you are going in the right directions, keep on , keep on". Sort of like an employers appraisal!!!!

My little cupcake has been a little troubled of late as you may know from previous posts. An idea I had recently to help her think of things she enjoys , was to create her a Happy list, but as she doesn't write or read properly we thought it should be pictorial and also have short descriptions so she can try word recognition . When I happened to open the book that night , lo and behold it opened at the pages suggesting that a good way to stay positive is to write an appreciation list!

He the mans and I these days seem to be ships passing in the night : both busy with our daily lives ,both out on different evenings, not spending much quality time together , hardly having any time to catch up , so as normal one night last week after a particularly bickery grumpy evening together . Id mentioned that we seem distant of late. I opened the book and the page I came to immediately was called "get him to talk it over" and was all about getting your man to open up about things. This with he the mans isn't the easiest endeavour as hes very straight and a keep it to yourself kinda guy , but reading that just reminded me that we need to have some heart to heart time, Ill break him in gently and see!

Another time very recently was my mini crisis of motherhood last week , especially in concern with little cupcake , it came to loggerheads and I wasn't sure what to do or how to change things for the better for her, or us as a family . I again retired to bed and thought for a few minutes, opened the book and it was a section on respecting motherhood and remembering statements about doing our best and no mother is perfect. Funnily enough the same time I was given a tip by a mummy friend on how to handle night time worries for a child , a way to give recognition of fears and distract all at the same time . I tried it this weekend and it seems to have worked wonders, we had a marked improvement.

I will close out for now , as both of my girls are quiet in bed and my body is asking for some relaxation time away from the screen.

I leave you with this from the Gaia Community :
In shamanistic cultures, synchronicities are considered to be teachings as well
as sign indicating where one should focus one’s attention, such correspondences
demonstrate the usually hidden links between the individual psyche and the
larger world. Synchronicities express themselves through chance meetings and
natural events as well as in dreams and supernatural episodes – for instance,
among the Secoya
shamans, a dream of seeing yourself in the mirror suggests that you will soon
encounter a jaguar in the rain forest. Shamans see such temporal conjunctions as
essential aspects of reality, revealing its ultimately dreamlike and magical
Daniel Pinchbeck
Source: 2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl, Page: 45

Sunday, 28 September 2008

Guided by spirit?

I really feel sometimes I have to get my life on track and give it direction and purpose. That's on some days , on others I like it just flowing were it needs to go and roll the waves. Not having to be anywhere except school and nursery runs and just being mum sometimes suits my stress level limits and yes I also get enjoyment just from that, just being mum ! I say just being mum , thats a whole layered life that not all people think happen, a great book I found that validated my very little life was this : What mothers do , Especially When It Looks Like Nothing!

Every now again significant markers show up on my path and say to me , hang on, there's something you need to do, something inside that's moving me somewhere else.

A few months back I contacted a Hospice local to school. Id been in touch with the manager several times about being a Reiki Volunteer and she seemed very keen , saying that they didnt have someone currently and that not many people come forward. She made me aware that she was leaving and new person was to take over. My details were to be passed on. Weeks passed and I contacted them again. This time new manager answered , he know nothing of me , not a good sign. Suddenly he has a therapy room manager and no room for anyone else to do Reiki. I don't know if this is ego (mine and hers) or just a feeling or a signal that this wasn't the right direction , but the therapy manager irked me somewhat. Her main state of play was that SHE did the reiki and didn't need anyone else, but I could just come in and help out with various other activities . This , as altruistic as it may be , just didn't connect, Ive trained for Reiki , I want to give Reiki , I have a route to pass on healing, I just have to do it. I felt a huge block and a feeling of discomfort around my interaction with this person. An application came in from her in my inbox, I started to fill it out and then just had to stop. I couldn't do it. So it was shelved so to speak.

Were was I to go, my time is limited , I have only mornings to do anything and cant go to far from nursery , otherwise I eat into my useful time travelling. Everything went on pause.

I continued to go to circle and do my development.

I was aware of a hospice down the road from my house , but for some reason I had vaguely dismissed it, (10 minutes drive back from nursery) but it was always in the back of my mind.

Suddenly a new person turned up at circle and lo and behold she works as a volunteer at the very Hospice down the road from me and also they had just lost a volunteer therapist.

See Im new on this path of inner belief , so its taken me some weeks to gather myself up into a more confident ball and throw it at the newness of this all. I took myself down there a couple of weeks back and introduced myself after this lovely new person at circle had put a word in for me.

My ideal was to do this work on Monday as a good start to the week, and also I could only work up till 11:30. So what sessions did they have available for patients? Yes , the very day and time I had been thinking was ideal! There and then she handed me the paperwork and hoped to see me again.

Im still in the space of : can I do this and will I be able to make a difference???? Its a whole new world for me. I will be dealing with patients who are terminal , my intensely emotional self , doesn't yet know how this will feel. Or what will be brought up. Its quite a big turn for me , having been treated for serious Post traumatic stress disorder related to medical experiences only 2-3 years ago. Why in my life do I always turn to look at the face of my demons? My original career went against the shy quiet type I may have been labelled as, and this , wellllll who would have known that the once me that would have a panic attack sitting in a hospital is now planning to sit at the head of a patient and look after them?

So Im now up to the stage of getting this horse out of the stable and giving something of myself back to others. I have yet to fill in forms , (thats a whole other new challenge, merging the old business me and the new me in an up to date CV) and get all sorts of insurance and police checks , but I hope by the end of the year things will have moved forward somewhat. I have yet to find my old CV on some external hardrive, its very London office (or Recruitmet agency)styleeee and not been updated for some time. I have to get this all done tout suite and feel Im harnessing the opportunity as soon as I can. Its a must, but my old ego head is slowing it down.

Is it a plan or an intention and if I dont seize it now, what will I miss? Will an intention work better than a goal or a dream. I hope so, it feels as if its all waiting for me , these things happening , as if jigswa peices have been slotted in , are not just happen chance. Will I be given a hand to organise it all and make it fit into place all the more easily, are they listening up there?!!!!!!

Think I have to get my cosmic order book out again ?!

Image care of Nicholas Arwin of Enhanced perceptions, amazing "visonary Art" site.

Friday, 12 September 2008

Its been a while

I just wanted to post a little something to say I'm still breathing , still healing and still here, just!!!! I don't know were the time goes, I didn't realise I hadn't posted for 2 weeks. Before I knew it another week had flown by and then another one.

The end of August was marked by an early celebration of our wedding anniversary,(read all about it on Nosh of Love when my post is done). Wow 9 years has also flown by! Every weekend has been busy so far non stop and every day is filled to the brim with activities with my girls, mainly cupcakes friends. By the evening I'm goggle eyed and ready for - not much!

Us 3 girls are all ready in this house as of this coming Monday, for life to change yet again into a new routine ,bring it on! Little cupcake starts reception and pickle will have her 1st full week of nursery down the road. I will have a child free two and a half hours a morning, 3 days a week to heal the world, (well my local area world that is) !!!!!!
I'm thinking I'm kidding myself that I wont be choked up next week at sitting in my house- alone -suddenly realising my little babies are no longer babies! Ive felt a little rising here and there and I push it away!
The culmination of all that pushing away emotions and staying busy brought on a migraine attack of revolting proportions, the likes I haven't had for many many years. It stopped me in my tracks early this week and put a stop to any TV, PC or mobile phone viewing of any kind. I think my body was trying to tell me AGAIN that I just have to stop and slow it down sometimes and shut the world out a lot more than I do. After several hours of sickness my body just shut down on me I had no choice but to go to bed at 7pm and apart from my normal, I-want-my-dummy 2am call, awoke Wednesday 7am , a 1st in YEARS.

Today marks the last day of the summer holidays, tis been a long one,( for some reason I don't count the weekend!). Labels have to be collected to be ironed on around 30 garments and items and a psyching up for the next school stage to be done, both me and cupcake!

Ive had to bring out my Reiki hands on several occasions recently for our little cupcake. She seems to be going through a stage of nightmares and night terrors. Some of the visions shes been having are a bit unusual for a nearly 5yr old I have to say ; WARNING MINOR GRIM VISIONS FOLLOWING : blood soaked faces ,baby's being taken from cut stomachs and people being sucked by tubes (the tornado repeat performance from last week) . In some spiritual circles these may be explained as a sign of past life occurrences. I'm trying to work out whether shes seen this imagery on TV , although I don't give her access to news , medical documentaries, horror films or drama programmes.

The thing is you never know what they see in the millions of things that pass our eyes every day. I'm really not sure at all whats going on, for me , its possibly just an overwhelmed creative and sensitive imagination like her mums (she so needs some school to channel this)!!

I'm very careful to not implant any further ideas or deep explanations for her at this young age , especially nothing esoteric or deeply spiritual . I just always try and show her ways to use mind over matter with visualisations and positive imagery. So out come our "flava fairies" , who sit with her at a magical table and create ice cream for her in any flavour , or her imaginary friend "Isis" , who is her magical strong purple & green monster, who protects her and guards her.

Its taken all week of doing this for her to settle more calmly this evening. Well in relative terms that is, as I still had to go in 3 times to kiss a sore finger , find her water or do 5 minutes Reiki! Instead of an hour later of things, we had a mere half an hour!

Such is a mothers life!

Friday, 29 August 2008

10 tracks part3 Tornados

My 10 new tracks this week as done by Monique at Escape Hatch

"10 songs that sum up your weekend...or were on your weekend play list...and one picture that relates back. (oh, and if you feel like it, tell us why you picked the songs you did)"

Here's what we heard on the way to the restaurant for my birthday on Saturday, more details of which will follow in Nosh of Love , when I get round to writing it that is!

Id like to say it was a wonderful night ,but my sensitive little cupcake was in state about something her cousin had said during the day and wasn't letting us go easily, but wouldn't at all explain what was wrong, she was just hysterical .She was so terrified and worried that we didn't get it out of her till Sunday night, (the relief in her little face bless) , so our evening was spent concerned that she was upset and unusually playing up. I felt like the worse mum in the world!
Basically my 6 yr old nephew talked about large tubes coming down and sucking people up, never to be seen again . We gathered from him on Monday that he was actually describing Tornado's!!! What a great and descriptive imagination he has. We've now been spending every evening since then explaining that Tornado's don't happen very often and never in London!
Back to the music! Much of this is from he the mans Ipod as we seemed to spend a lot of time in his car last weekend. He has his on shuffle and I think its a really good way of listening , you don't have to think and also you get tracks played you'd even forgotten you have!!

The only track that I couldn't find was The main theme from the film Grand Canyon by composer James Newton Howard, so Ive subbed it for London (track 7) from the film Blood diamond instead , as London seemed to be a big theme for the weekend , spending most our time in the in the centre of it!

  1. Shine On You Crazy Diamond by Pink Floyd,

  2. All Through The Night by Cyndi Lauper,

  3. The Eternal Vow from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon by Yo yo ma & Tan Dun

  4. The Bourne Identity Theme --->Dj Ally Mac <--- (ReMiX) by Skyfxl Records Presents - Dj Ally Mac,

  5. False Alarm by KT Tunstall,

  6. Just Like Heaven by Katie Melua,

  7. London by James Newton Howard,

  8. Kylie Minogue - White Diamond [Bonus Track] by Kylie Minogue,

  9. If You Think You're Lonely Now by Bobby Womack,

  10. Speed of Sound by Coldplay

Look for the player at the bottom of the blog to hear it

Thursday, 21 August 2008

Its my birthday and ill cry if I want to !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't really have a birthday day today as such , although I had a quick meet up lunch with my mum on her work lunch break with my two girls and a visit to the park with li'l cupcakes schoolfriend. We have planned at the weekend , a lovely meal in a special restaurant on Saturday . You will hear more of which on Nosh of Love next week Im sure and a shopping trip into central London on Sunday to sort my Birthday pressie out from he the mans.

Ive felt a bit flat as I'm now much nearer to 40 than 30 today!

I know its only a number , and I know spiritually I shouldnt worry about age and time lines , but it just feels very weird. Its like were did all that time go, Im shocked I think !!!

Ive felt very much stuck the last few weeks and Ive been fixating on the wrong things : , Internet use, staying up late, not eating well , worrying about social life, other people and their reactions and things outside of me. I was told last night two things : 1) that all this distraction needs to stop 2) the opportunities I search for may not be the ones that come to be the right ones.

To clear all the debris away I need to have a good ole cry - healing tears of course - and get it out and get moving forward, I have work to do you see now. I really really have to start in earnest with my Reiki path . So I know I need to focus on the positives and last nights circle was a wonderful recap of the energy I can work with and the power I have in myself.

It was a lovely healing evening and one that was very very much needed. It really helped me get back in touch with my healing abilities and was nice to slow down and relax a bit. We spent the first half of the evening doing energy exercises : feeling our own energy by holding our hands out in front as if holding a football and feeling were you sense resistance. Shutting down and then re opening to universal energy and feeling the difference is mind blowing , even our resident sceptic to healing was blown away! As someone nicely put it last night, "Its the difference between holding a tennis ball and then holding a beach ball" !! We also did the same in pairs before and after breathing in Universal light and had to give the sitter one message about themselves . Its a wonderful way of really feeling the difference from every day being to the expanded energy we work with in medium ship and healing. We then grouped into Reiki levels and non Reiki levels and partnered up to practise and connect for a psychic or clairvoyant message for the recipient.

I felt it was actually easier to connect once we'd done the energy work and I need to remember the practise of it when working. It was also great to receive feedback on my healing as I generally only practise on my girls. I have done my father for 10minutes post Reiki II and he found it immensely soothing and my mother in law before my Reiki II, (which really is- at level I- as our teacher says an "inspired Spiritual healing") , but to get outside validation is great for this work. The sitter said she never normally relaxes , but that with my short session she very much felt deeply calmed. To know that I'm channelling something and this is having a strong effect is a great feeling. To know its helping someone feel good is the best feeling I could ever get. The healing I received from her in return was wonderful and the end to the evening at my lovely friends home - were she fed me after (spiritually and physically), gosh you get soooo hungry after circle- I think has helped me re evaluate some of the odd stuck place I got my head at recently.

Ive noticed the time and seen that its just after 11:30 pm. Normally I would keep going until way past midnight , but so I can get some much needed down time, I will keep this post briefer than normal and head off to get into sleep mode. If I set a small intention now , it may help discipline me through the days.

I thank the universe and the friends for the gift of their time and the experience of the evening.

Night all x

Sunday, 17 August 2008

10 new tracks, 2nd birthday and a wordy break

Image care of Microsoft clip art

As you may have realised Ive not been here much and I hope my readers will not disappear on me. My cupcake is on school holidays and shes been at summer camp a few days a week , but its now finished , but her school holidays continue for another 4 WEEKS!!!

I don't think its just the kiddies that get tired after a long school term , but us mums too. Especially when you mix in all the things I do , I feel like I have 4 different lives!! Ive been non stop busy day and night and not sleeping well either. Too much adrenalin kicking in (and old worry tapes) , to keep my body going, for late night internet usage is wrecking my eventual night-time shut down and I don't have time to do my Self healing Reiki session ! I think Ive become partially insomniac and its not good! So Ive had to take a bloggy break for a little bit here and there. I hope to continue to post but I may cut it back a bit to may be 1 post a week Im not sure yet , I just need to try managing my time everywhere a bit less hectically!!

I have continued to attend my circle and found I'm struggling there , despite being told my work is good , my teacher can see that my energy isn't up and I'm fluctuating a bit to much to have good clarity and flow . I definitely need to slow down a bit somehow! Someone picked up on me wanting to make a change to things and start a new endeavour - Reiki practise and Voluntary work- but I cant quite push through a block I have in starting it all and I need to do some work on that. I know what it is , but haven't sorted myself out as yet and need to do some thing about self discipline in all sorts of ways!

Anyway on to my 10 new tracks as done by Monique at Escape Hatch

"10 songs that sum up your weekend...or were on your weekend play list...and one picture that relates back. (oh, and if you feel like it, tell us why you picked the songs you did)"

I didnt find this an easy task this weekend (also play dont always list the music I listen to here at chill radio). Ive not been in the car as much and when I have the Ipods been off as my in car chargers not working and I keep forgetting to charge it! I did drive he the mans car yesterday though and hes got his Ipod on random and some of whats on my play list is what came up.

It was my little cupcakes 2nd B'day yesterday and we had family over. I cant believe shes 2 , its like, were did that go? I cleared out her draw of grow bags and blankets this morning and got all choked at thinking her never being a baby again. I cant quite throw them out yet. Track 9 is dedicated to her as she has it on a cd I play her for bedtime, although its a different version to the one we have.

Image care of Microsoft clip art

He the mans and I also attended a friends Birthday party last night and both drank rather a lot. So we had to have a lovely norty fry up, us and the girls this morning scoffing outside on our deck together , alongside chill radio playing . I haven't done that for a very long time, eating together on the deck and it was a lovely brief fleeting moment of family time. As for the baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad fry up, everything in moderation I say!!!!

  1. Chasing Pavements by Adele
  2. Band Of Brothers Suite Two by Michael Kamen
  3. Moondance by Van Morrison
  4. Caravansary by Kitaro
  5. Dream Catch me by Newton Faulkner
  6. Know How by The Kings of Convenience
  7. Cafe Del Mar `98 by Energy 52
  8. Journey by The gentle People
  9. An Irish Lullaby (Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ra) by The Brobdingnagian Bards
  10. Belle by Jack Johnson

Sunday, 3 August 2008

Behind the rip curl

Image care of MagicSeaweed (check out the photographs - awesome!)

I have a theory, (it might be crackpot but here goes), when propelling yourself forward in a new direction , healing the old and becoming a new , a momentum has to build to carry you forward. I spoke to my father about changes and introspection today and he mentioned the catastrophe theory(used more in sports performance), but I couldn't find anything on that that I could quite understand . It also didn't quite correlate as the metaphor for my journey of late.

To me whats happening is more of a "behind the rip curl " stage : As the sea rises into a large wave from the edge of the shore it creates a curve that builds power and momentum. Taking in the flow and the power of the sea behind and before the point of forward propulsion , it is in reverse and rises higher looking back on itself before the final leap over its original direction , to join the shore again. A surfer stands within the curl using its energy to ride through. I think that's were Id like to be , that is what I aspire to , symbolically speaking , letting it all happen around me , able to stand within and be less affected. At the moment I'm sitting behind that curve waiting to leap up on the top and catapult into my new way of being, traversing a new path.

As with all healing, learning & changing you will go through a period of discomfort ,a temporary detachment, may be extra pain, feeling low, unsure and may be some extra heartache. It may feel like all the old tapes are playing and all old behaviours have come back to sit on your shoulder , you may feel awkward and have a great unease. Sounds great doesnt it!!

There's a reason for this , unpleasant as it may be . It is so that you can see what it is that needs to be dealt with , what needs a re think , what new ways need to be learnt and what is needed no more - ahhhhh to get rid of things , not only do I horde in my house , I horde old ways in my head!! Great and positive changes can occur after this stage, but unfortunately it cannot be avoided, whats needed is some support along the way - writing about it is one way , talking to others on the same path is another , oh and also some silly distraction, like working on surfing metaphors, to help along the way!

Where do think you are on the rip curl ? I think I might just be the ickle bitty fish above !!?

Tuesday, 29 July 2008

10 songs

The first iPod??
Image care of Stoker at safety joke

"10 songs that sum up your weekend...or were on your weekend playlist...and
one picture that relates back. (oh, and if you feel like it, tell us why you
picked the songs you did)"

Here's my current playlist. Its sorta jumbled and eclectic. I often play them in the car when doing my little tiddles taxi service and I get asked to play several of them over and over!

Some are from waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back , some are different versions of my own as I cant find them , some are fun , ones about being persistent , some are about introspection or not being introspective, some are about love and relationships whether its the difficult bits or the joy of it . Alot just speak to me on different levels . Its all a bit of mix like me really !

  1. Closer by Ne-Yo (I'm feeling the bit about "I just cant stop")
  2. Try Again by Aaliyah
  3. American Beauty by Thomas Newman
  4. Don't Look Back by Telepopmusik (little cupcake has just said this reminds her of summer)
  5. Para un Angelito by Monica Ramos
  6. With every heartbeat by Robyn (cupcake shouts the words out to this in the back of the car!)
  7. 1 Thing by Amerie
  8. Whenever Wherever by Shakira
  9. Versions of Violence by Alanis Morissette
  10. Think about me by Artful Dodger

If you want to listen Ive added the play list widget at the bottom of my blog.

Monday, 28 July 2008

Spirit intervenes

It seems they want me to STOP !!!

Sometimes you just have to stop as you have no choice; Stop the dialogue, stop the brain activity, stop talking, stop writing, stop running around and just BE. It’s not been easy and in some cases we just had to - well sort of, having been to 5 different social events including 2 parties in 5 days!!- hence the reason for so little posting - I apologise for anyone who actually reads this stuff and enjoys the lid being removed from my head every now and again, for having nothing fresh to write about for nearly a week except my nostalgic and sentimental video- more about the reasons for that soon!

Over the weekend and in less than 48hrs all our lights blew and the house was in total darkness, the front door bust and it could not be locked or unlocked, and we had to stay at home all day Saturday for the locksmith and electrician to rescue us! Then over the last few days my laptop keeps freezing and yesterday I found that the pads of my toes and just below are all swollen and sore, except I don’t recall having any accident or hurting myself, strange huh? It’s not the first time this sort of thing has happened either.

I realise I don't sit down and I'm not in my house for most of the day. When home I'm running up and down the garden rescuing little pickles and cupcakes, washing up, cooking, bathing kids and getting us all ready to go out. When out I’m, shopping, collecting or dropping off cupcake , involved in training classes for Reiki and mediumship on Sundays every few weeks, rushing to get to circle in the evening middle of the week or some other evening school social event or just standing here at the laptop writing for my 2 blogs.

All of it involves activity (non stop), whether it be of the mind and body or with the expressive spaces I need to have; constant writing daily. I’ve mentioned before being grammatically challenged and when life gets hectic it’s sometimes even more of a push.

He the mans despairs of me in the evenings, as I can’t stop and just sit with him. I'm constantly in a state of flux, forever needing mental stimulation or distraction, thinking up new subjects to discuss or food ideas to make for Nosh of Love , (well for he the mans to make!). The result of which, I don't get to sleep till near 1am and average 6hrs a night of sleep. This I’ve found is really not enough for me. The end result lately is a lovely mix of, as you can see from my last post: irritability, tearfulness and behaviour no better than a 5 yr old and a feeling that I can’t do it all for everyone, oh and a messy house!!!!

I'm not aiming for sympathy here , a lot is my own doing , as I know I stretch myself in too many different directions and am now endeavouring to put myself through a course of CBT to top it all off , but I wonder : How many of us are like this and use it to avoid sitting alone with our thoughts? Also, how do we fit it all in with children and get to bed early? (Yes I know the main answer is you don’t!!).

So I sense that many would say, cut some of it out. This may mean less blogging or just less social events for my girls and me on my own time in the evenings or weekends. The deeper issue being: why am I avoiding the alone time, what is it I need to get hold of in me and cut out? My main dichotomy is I like to be alone, quiet, free spirited and not tied to anyone or anything, but also on the flip side, I’m keen on moving my life in a new direction and I love being with others and going out!!

I'm aware that I need to meditate more, as this is key to making lots of areas flow better in life, but this constant adrenalin kick means I find it hard to switch off and flick to down time.

My main thought is to just turn the laptop off, (or not even turn it on, GASPPPPP) , not allow the TV to go on at all and just go straight up to my room , (the most peaceful space in this house) , after my girls bed time and just sit with my iPod and here’s a little tip for those who find it hard to go alone on this and need some help , listen to the collection of guided meditations I’ve downloaded through iTunes from PodcastAlley.

I then also factor in not being with he the mans till late and then I'm back to my dilemma of how to make time for meditation and everything else I seem to need to do.

See it just goes to show, one can’t always practise what they preach, (or in my case and here’s my reverse self righteousness), use the tools I know very well how to use!

Sometimes you just can’t do it all and sometimes spirits do things so you can’t do it all, whilst writing this my server decided to slow down to a snails pace and then came to a complete STOP. I had to quickly save this to word to continue it and prevent its loss.

It seemed they didn’t want me on the laptop last night either to finish this post, as my browser then wouldn’t even load. I think the message finally got through ; I need to relax more and find a more balanced approach!!!!

So yes spirit, my laptop went off for the rest of the evening and as you know I sat in the garden for dinner!!

I am now trying to get this is out in the blogger world this morning.

Namaste all


Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Use Sunscreen

Tears , tired, these words :

Monday, 21 July 2008

Monique asks :

Image care of Feuillu on Flickr - Light lines (cc)

Another great question was posed in my comments to me by Monique last week and I thought it was such a good one that it inspired another post and a way to introduce a little more about what I do.

When you say you are a healer, how does that comes into play w/ your gift? I
hear healer and try to combine it w/ your gift and think uber concentrated

Now brace yourselves for the tree hugging bit , its coming , so press pause on your belief systems for a minute!

A spiritual or Reiki healer, (these being different methods or modality's), is merely a channel for universal energy, divine essence, universal light, G%d light, life force or divine light . Call it what you will, it basically boils down to sending through unconditional love from the other realms beyond the physical to another by the laying on or laying over of hands. When I heal ,(in whatever modality) its not actually me doing the healing. I'm purely a vessel/channel source to send it through to the recipient. Do you need me to connect with this ? Probably not ,but not everyone allows themselves the time or the space to enjoy these moments. So going to a healer initialy may be a very good way to start.

There are many who don't see it as a gift and many see it as unproven and according to law I'm not actually even allowed to say that I'm channeling or healing anything. If I'm able to see-clairvoyance-, hear clairaudient- or feel - clairsentience -, a passed relatives of yours it is now deemed to be entertainment only. So wording what I do has become a very tricky thing indeed.

My "gift" comes into play when doing mediumship work, as I suppose I don't feel that my gift is healing ,yes it is a gift to be doing the work and be "of service" to others, but I feel more that mediumship is were I seem to have some kind of ability.

I can be doing healing and yes very much pick up on things physical , but according to healing codes of conduct I'm not allowed to prescribe or diagnose from this sensing as I'm not a doctor. I can guide someone to may be see a GP or even just be careful in one area or another and again that's hard as there are so many layers of organs, muscle and tissue. I cant pretend to know the anatomy either. Well that is unless your laying there with a 6pack! I will not be claiming to cure , neither to eradicate any illness or diseases. I can tell you you will be relaxed , may sleep better or just feel calmer, if because of this you feel better or your disease coincidentally improves , I will not be able to say that it was due to my work. So yes I can say what I do is beneficial and enhancing for your life.

I may very well pick up on things to do with your personal life , but again ,as Ive been asked to do healing , then healing is what I will offer. Once I cross over into merging the two , then clients would just come on the pretext of healing and end up receiving a reading to , (and I'd have to charge a two for one offer!!!!). Yes I will be using the same energy to heal and do a reading , (when I say reading , I mean psychic - personal and about YOU- or clairvoyant and about linked passed relatives or friends), but I will try my hardest to keep them very separate. I hope to always work with integrity , so with regards to personal information ,(like you may be kissing someone who's not your boyfriend, or your mums a secret agent, or you haven't bathed for 4days !!!), I would keep it in the strictest confidence.

With regards to any psychiatry (ooh shiver!!) , I wouldn't want to go into those realms and don't even dare to, I'm probably more of a mess than they are!!!!!!!

Basically I just want to give you a bit of lurrving and not the touching kind!!!! Well may be your heart!

Thursday, 17 July 2008


Shabda - Mike Oldfield

Going back a bit further

A few days back I thought it would be good to connect via blogs with other like minds, so during my search I found this informative spiritual blog. Late nights seem to be my blog catch up time, so tonight after my circle groups dinner get together (we like to do something even if the class is off every now and again for continuity) , I had a little look at it. Whilst writing up my becoming post this afternoon , I thought to myself I’m sure I’ll forget some of the things I used to do in my teens with all things spirit and lo and behold the latest post on Lucid is her experiences when younger with meditation and Ouija boards in the garden of her home. It sparked off a memory of a very interesting time.

I’ve recently got connected again with a very old friend from school and it was with her at around 15-16 or so that I encountered my 1st séances and guided meditations with our young friend J from the States. We would go and sit in his lovely rambling house not far from were I lived, with all the lights off and candles lit en masse. I think we did it mainly as parlour games, but I knew inside that I loved every minute.

The evening would start in his lounge, all silly and joky and as the night progressed things would get eerier and eerier. We would then move to the dining room were we all sat in the dark holding hands (screaming no doubt at all the noises) and then end on his bed (all of us) all laying like sleeping lions with him saying in slow tones “ you are now standing on an escalator and as you go down , you feel your whole body becoming heavier………….” . I’m not sure if at this point I sensed anything except the hairs on the back of my neck standing up , but I just couldn’t get enough of those evenings.

So at every opportunity when I got the chance I would steer things in that direction: Whether it be at college with the Ouija board sneakily during class times hiding in the toilets with our cigarettes, (were my late grandmothers name was clearly spelled out and I was only an onlooker), or in various homogenous dorm rooms, with booze and again screaming. I do remember though one evening where things got very creepy and nasty. The answers coming out on the board being of a very unpleasant nature that I thought to myself, I’m not sure if this was how I wanted to experience things in that way anymore. I remember walking away from the board and not wanting to go near it for a very long time. Possibly this may have set me on the quest for the proper way to do things, this is when all the right books started coming my way.

Ask and thee shall find

Tuesday, 15 July 2008


Image care of

Monique at escape hatch asked me a very good question last night and that was :

How did I become aware of my abilities.

I think its in many people , we just don't switch the button so to speak , well psychic abilities that is. Not every psychic can be a medium Ive been told, but every medium is psychic. Intuition being the 1st rung on that ladder and then simple little things like knowing exactly who's on the phone , even when its someone unexpected or hasn't phoned for a long time. I used to freak my sister out with this one!

I had always read books on this side of life starting in my teens , the 1st very influential book was an old copy of a Shirley McClain's called Out on a Limb . I just couldn't put it down, totally hooked I was on its contents. After that I went to great lengths to find all of her books in the series and the out of print books too, (remember Amazon, or for that matter the Internet, wasn't around then in the late 80's), so it was all the old book shops on Charing cross road , were I went to college at the time. After that I just started syphoning books of this type like crazy. You could say Ms Mclain was my main initial inspiration.

I found James Redfield Celestine Prophecy to be the next eye opener for me and strangely enough at the time , whenever on the underground or at work, virtually the whole carriage or canteen was reading it too. I think this may have been around 1994. My father had always been very sensitive to these things also , so I may have been influenced in that way too , to see other things besides our every day human existence. I have so many books on this subject I could start my own library , which all sounds great , but really is a symbol of my over indulgence in this area, but that's me all over , when I get a new thing, its obsessive to start with. Lately though I haven't found the same need for it all and the thought of reading so intensely now feels totally off key and a case of too much input. I'm living, seeing and feeling it more now rather than needing to know what its all about if you get my drift.

It sounds cliche , but as a child I started getting visions and dreams and odd things happening to me. I feel also I may have been guided somewhat by the other side so to speak , as in early 2000 I had a reading done in Sedona Arizona by a famous medium called Ray of Sedona , who suggested I would become a teacher/healer of sorts, but not in the normal sense. He said many things that came about and he said it would be in the next 5-6 years and yes those 5-6 years are right at this point in time. That trip was extremely synchronistic , as I had just started my own furniture design firm and my 1st big contract was sent to me the day before we left to go to Arizona. It was to design a dining and lounge range based on the early American Prairie and Arts and Crafts movement and weirdly the area we were staying in was the homestead of the Architect and designer Frank Lloyd wright and his Famed house Taliesin West. Without any prior information from me Ray of Sedona in my reading had mentioned clients, portfolios and art, working with wood and design!!!

One of the biggest catalysts was the challenging experience I had giving birth in 2003 and the aftermath. 3 months after cupcake was born I was diagnosed with post natal depression/PND , but it wasn't until I was pregnant with pickle more than 2yrs later that they realised I didn't have typical classic post natal depressive behaviour and later re diagnosed me with post traumatic stress disorder/PTSD, (due to incidences in the labour then birth, leading to hemorrhaging and then transfusion 24hrs later as my haemoglobin was dangerously low and I was critical). This is were I started getting the right help, although emotionally painful it was very transformative.

I don't really talk about it that much any more but it led me to find another way to think about how to live in this world and find some sense of coming together in my mind, body and spirit. At the 1st diagnoses of PND I put myself through about 8 months of hypnotherapy. In many ways I feel it opened up a portal , so to speak , to another world beyond this. The PND unfortunately brought on severe panic attacks and increased Agoraphobia and I just would not accept it becoming a permanent affliction . I feel in me the PTSD took low level every day anxieties and amplified them a thousand fold, although luckily I don't get the attacks any more , thanks to the hypnotherapy but you don't ever forget what they were like. An experience like that is so profound that there is no way you can be the same ever again , there was much talk about litigation at the neglectful treatment I was given in hospital , but to me it was more important to heal and gain strength , rather than put myself and the family through more distress. In a weird way looking back now I'm almost thankful for it. In strange way it has taught me a great deal about compassion , acceptance , judgment and inner power.

Luckily I sailed through my next birth in 2006, (sort of!), but this was aided by the use of Hypnobirthing , a form of self hypnosis and sequential breathing styles for each stage , as some of the trauma from the 1st birth had left its mark obviously and I had to find a way to deal with the impending ,(& terrifying to me), birth that I had no way of getting out of!! Despite having to clean up some of the debris of fears and anxieties about birthing , hospitals and anything medical , doing the hypnobirthing was a further level up the ladder in terms of being able to meditate and find quiet inner time , which was were the sense other things besides the here and the now became stronger . Three weeks before birth you listen to a specially designed hypnosis cd for preparation and its very much akin to guided meditation, so you could say I took a crash course! Through this work and the pre natal learning sessions I was able to see everything in such a different way , as a part of me had been unlocked and that part was were I found glimpses of my inner power and confidence within. For me the whole pre and post natal time was a very liberating and uplifting experience and it made me want to work with healing and helping others even more.

I have been asked to write about this part of my journey into motherhood before in order to help others , but have never been able to communicate it on paper. Ive only roughly skimmed the surface here of what happened , but this is the 1st time Ive been able to get it written in any way shape or form and be able to remain detached from it . I dont want to dredge too much of it up , but also I think my hesitation here is partly I feel there is more work to do on this area and also theres some fear to deal with regarding others responses to it.

In early 2007 I noticed the rate of coincidences coupled with strange electrical things happening at home increasing phenomenally and of course that piqued my interest even more. He the mans and I would be conversing on a random subject and keep seeing tv programmes or adverts totaly related show up right there and then. Every electrical gadget was either breaking or would just stop and start or even turn on unaided randomly. At one point every watch I wore just stopped and still every phone I get the battery dies within a few short months. Someone was trying to get a message to me any which way they could, as its when I joined my circle and my late Papa was coming through every week to different mediums. Its suggested that spirit do these things to get you to notice them and help steer you onto the right path. This is when I started getting all those hearts I have shown here on occasions . Well it certainly got my notice ,as he the mans even commented on all the weirdness and it made me think that may be I ought to start using my abilities more and shape my life in such a way that I can help and heal others.

Anyway essay over for now ! I didnt plan to answer a question via a post of epic proportions , but it must have needed to come out! Writing it here and now couldn't be more timely , as only a few days ago I ended my Reiki 2 21 day cleanse and this has given me a chance to take a look back at my experiences so far and see how far Ive come and how much Ive learnt and grown.

Remember a while back I needed some courage to explain myself , well this was what I needed it for . I thank you Monique for paving a little way on my journey so far.