Thursday, 3 July 2008

My down shift should be going up soon!

I'm a bit blah right now and I have so much good stuff to write about still in relation to my Reiki 2. I'm just storing it away for a little more time until I can put the right kind of energy into it.

Ive been listening to the likes of this :

I was going to put it onto one of those immediate broadcast widget things,but I cant find a free one and to be honest you would hear it non stop always on here! Even though its fab , I wont make you suffer as well (or for that matter me)!

It resonates so deeply that I played it 3-4 times yesterday and this morning , don't you just love a bit of Alanis for some inner work and a good deep bawl! Its whats at its heart that needs to come out and be dealt with. It says all that I need to be working on right now, but the fact that it is an unseen affliction means that your invisible struggles can be deemed unimportant, especially if you seem to appear OK on the outside. I mentioned in my 2 words meme that I feared loosing children the most , but the main thing that drives my down side is the constant barrage in my head. It doesn't matter whether someone is wonderful with me or revolting I wont believe or like either, no one can win! The 1st one I will discard as (and do the giver a great disservice, looking gift horse in mouth springs to mind!), untrue and false nicety and the latter I will have little films in my head with the person involved were I make them see they are wrong about me and explain myself silly!

I was talking this morning about the down times in our lives and my friend felt that they actually are an important aspect of our lives. I want to know the whys and the wherefores though! My father was the same , and he was told he wanted to know too much. I mentioned Biorhythms and how they can affect all aspects of our lives as they ebb and flow up and down.

Ive now tried 3 online charts for the calculation of them and they are all the same right now , emotions , physical and intellect are all at the low point and there's no getting away from it! This is one of them for today from Bio Chart :

Sometimes we just have to accept that we're are in a down turn and wait to ride the storm out without to much control. Easier said than done and how does one operate with all around you when all you want to do is hide and cry and "wallow" as my friend M said? Especially when your a social creature? As you've noticed I'm not great with being gentle and caring with myself! Its something I need to get better at ; making allowances for not operating at 100% all the time.

Its actually quite hard for me to almost own up to these periods in my life. In spiritual circles , one has to find a way to be uplifted and master of all , and yes doing the work I do just focuses the mind on the good stuff, but sometimes being human and feeling, it cant always be so. You feel that if you are to help others then how can you need help or support yourself?

I feel that may be in the long term it will help immensely with the compassionate side of my journey and keep a check on the frivolous and laisseez faire tendencies we can all have for others.

Its just a bit yuck whilst it happens.

So in the meantime I need lots of these , my girls will be all cuddled out :

Weirdly found on a blog called ALAS ! Alas- Alanis - get it?!!!!


Monique said...

"I will have little films in my head with the person involved were I make them see they are wrong about me and explain myself silly!"

Yep !

Then after reading this and thinking how purely you put it out there and how true it allll is, I noticed the date. This was posted on the worst day that I have had in many years.

I won't wallow here in your space, but it was, and then to know that across the miles we were somehow wallowing together made me in this moment, smile. Thanks.

Hana Mi said...

oohh your post just made me cry! Dont know why, may be recognition, knowing as you said, that there was someoene else accross the ocean feeling the same. It really was a bluerghhhh day huh, hope your feeling on the up now? Im getting a cold for the 1st time in months and months!