Have I seen you lately?!

Its become apparent to me over the last few months the distance many of us have with each other. I also realised that many of our phones ring less & mobiles bleep more. The use of texting ,email, facebook , facebook email, twitter et al are wonderful and exciting mediums in the new wave of communication. I for one love interacting with others this way . I feel every day , especially on twitter, I take up new ways of thinking and have fun making new connections with others in a similar field and many who are not, BUT I feel we mustn't forget the need to connect with people on a real face to face level, voice to voice.

In the ever increasing need to be globally aware and think of our environment , our school has now gone electronic , we are no longer get given anything on paper , but via email. The pros are yes very paramount ; no waste , you cant lose an email as such , so there's no way you can say you haven't read it and you don't have loads of paper everywhere! The cons ; A feeling that there is a divide or separation. A feeling that may be you shouldn't speak to people in person , that they may be too busy or unavailable. I think this is happening on a social level also.

Many of us feel lost , alone and quite separate and I feel its only exaggerated by the very impersonal use of communication devices. Don't get me wrong I use all of the methods of communication mentioned and I think its a wonderful thing we have going, but how do we get back to feeling we can just simply talk, (like being round a campfire), or even just knock on a friends door and say lets have a cuppa? Or shockingly have a whole conversation that doesn't consist of text tennis and 20 of them by the time your finished!

Is it because of these methods that we have less time for real contact , or does it pave the way to have more? Have we actually saturated ourselves with communication and contact with others? How do you transition from having an online relationship to a real time live one?

I think the best remedy is to make sure that every week , real contact is made, instead of a text, facebook or twitter update, phone someone. Where possible, time permitting , location permitting ,(yes I know we cant all pop on planes and see others overseas), meet up , chat round a hot drink, have some face to face time.

Ive probably missed a whole gamut of new fandango communication devices in the video conferencing market or some such,(when businessing at home you really do have to keep more of an eye on the progression of things but Ive liked to keep my life simpler of late!) , although it has been some time since I used my web cam on MSN, may its time to warm it up again, or is that passe now!? For that matter , I haven't even tapped the possibilities of my Skype account either, so who needs to pay phone bills anymore!

What do you do to make sure your connected to people rather than just with words on a screen? Is your web cam always on? Or sometimes do we actually like being able to hide behind these screens, do we like not having to make physical or more human contact? Is the world so fast paced now , that its quite nice to choose when and how we speak? Do you have less phone calls or do you still like to philosophise together into the night?

On that note , wheres my phone!?!

Back on my Island or How I want to still be there!

Well I'm back from one Island (Duck Key) , to another (UK) and it was a wonderful time away, I have some cherished memories , 350 photographs (I'll blame that on the sports setting) , 2hrs of video and a cupboard full of clothes that have a smell : Downy Lavender & Vanilla fabric conditioner!!! , (& yes a bit strange to add a link , but I just have to as it will forever mean so much & evoke every moment of our last few days away) oh and makes little cupcake wale with "I'm so sad I'm not there". I'm trying to express to her how the smell is good as a reminder of a great time and feel good in that , but hey , Ive got another 18 yrs is it before she understands the concept if gratitude!!

I would have posted this sooner, but Ive had quite a delay in getting over this jet lag , as little cupcakes night traumas & uber sensitivity have gone up a notch since our return. We've been awoken every other night or so the last 12-14 days around 1am to sobbing that's lasted for well over an hour or more. I tell you EFT is nothing short of miraculous in calming the hysterics down and I know I go on about it , but its just a lifesaver when all else fails, my baby sitter at the weekend couldn't get over its effects. Shes had a real roller coaster of emotions , I think its a mixture between the time difference, increased awareness and some ermm colourful stories my little other family member has been sharing that shes not to keen on! Sshhhhh lets not mention the Tornado word!

It was quite a challenge initially to be with he the mans 24/7 when away and made for a difficult start , as we really need to do some joint healing work (& that many readers is for disclosure at a MUCH braver stage), but we eventually relaxed and really came together . This trip showed me what a joy I can have with simple family things. Ive never really 100% sat well in my role as mother and housewife and always makes sure I let people know that I have my hand in several pies away from those positions,(yes I know its probably ego speak) , but on this trip I completely melded into it and I had a ball.

The wonder was seeing everything from my girls eyes. Ive been to the US on many lucky

occasions through my life from childhood in the

80's, but this was the first time with my own family and my own memories, going as a child with my parents and sister, are still to this day extremely vibrant. I hope we have started to embed in our girls the same colourful images to think back on.

Unfortunately I didn't get much time to meditate or do much Reiki for that matter , but just allowed myself to be, experience and relax and that's what was needed very much. We ate some lovely food (& some not so lovely big greasy food) and little cupcakes addiction to Buffalo wings went into overdrive, in fact we all got soo addicted to them, I wonder in Ayurvedic terms was our need for savoury pickley spicy flavours?! I'll show some food pics soon on Nosh of Love and you can see what we chomped our way through in 14days!

Since returning we've done all we can to find a way to go back there as soon as we can , but right now were counting down the last few days before our house is ripped to shreds and re modelled in a much more sensible way & that has to be the focus. All that luxury and comfort to icky mess! Life's contrasts hey!

You cant see Miami & not go to Ocean drive hey

Right in the middle of new buildings and highways of Lincoln mall , was this white Colonial confectionery

My girls were mesmerised!

A garden in Duck Key , some garden!

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! The View from our Veranda

Chrismakah tapping central

Image from NurseCrilly

Little cupcake is revisiting her Tornado hell ,(I have my nephew to thank again, hes such a doom merchant, but who can put down an amazing creative mind!), and Ive spent every night this week pulling out all my tricks. Ive done Reiki, the psychiatrists acknowledge/distract technique and the last 2 nights she's had miraculous relief from EFT - "even though tornado's are scary , I am safe , calm and secure"- tap tap tap. I didn't quite know what else to use as the statement, but it seemed to work wonders and she was calm (& laughing), in a few minutes from all out banshee screaming and terror. She whips her visual creative mind into a frenzy over these things poor little one, boy does she take after her mum. Who me?


We'll have a big change of scenery , for the 1st time ever this time of year, as were off off and away from the old blighty in under 48hrs to hot sunny Miami beach! Were all in need of some sun, having had a wash out summer and then 2week of flu and infection in this little house! Thank gawd were all nearly over that ,I bet he the mans wishes my voice was still gone though! This holiday will also mark the anniversary of little cupcakes nasty time last year culminating in surgery. It was round this date that she started to finally recover, shes come a long long way since then, such a miraculous difference for her in her short little life. Its all behind us now and we need to make sure we remind ourselves of the gift of modern medicines and treatments despite my sadness at the amount of drugs and nasty things she had to ingest month after month.



We have a huge "Chrismakah" lunch out tomorrow, near the city , with my family and my sisters boyfriends family too, (all 22 of us) , hmmmm , parents meeting parents, intriguing? Hes also taking her on a secret destination for a romantic trip, more hmmm!! I will probably be asked to do readings for everyone at some point, (my sisters Bf is always asking), may be not such a good idea after egg nog and all that , but I always take my cards with me everywhere. I bought a wonderful new set last week , the Godess guidance Oracle and they've been so accurate and on target I love them.

We've been packing all afternoon and it feels like Im trying to squeeze an elephant into a pair of tights with all the stuff were taking. I mean how many clothes , shoes , toiletries and bits of I- dont -know- what, do we need! Im sooo a Jewish girl when it comes to going away! My sister the ever efficient and compact one is amazed at my capsule shoe wardrobe for the trip, only 7 pairs as apposed to my usual 12!!! Im much to matchy matchy for my own good. Its something I need to learn to calm down from, appearance is far to much for me! As my friend coined many years ago , Im a lipstick tree hugger!!

I have to have new tunes when going away, it seems to help set the road trip tone to it all and helps in my insights and inner work, which flow much more easily when away from my normal routine. I'm busy adding Cd's to itunes and then my iPod, mainly Reiki ones, so amongst all the mayhem that is holidays abroad with kids and all of us on top of each other, I will find some peace.


On Monday a few from our development circle got together and later on in the evening all the lights were turned out and we sat at the table and had a mini seance. It started off as nothing out of the ordinary and then suddenly white balls of light were flashing on her ceiling , we all sat there trying to check ourselves ; was it a car? is there some equipment with a light flash? No, none of those. It was amazing and the whole other half of the room kind of vibrated and zig zagged with energy.


We ended the night by smudging the room with Nag champa incense asking for the energy build up to go back to Gaia and the Universe, as the dweller of the house needed to get to sleep! The room was full of others from the realms unseen coming for a chat and a nose at her dining table!


I will be back in a few weeks with some new posts that I have waiting in the wings and need some more work. I will probably spend much of my holiday reflecting on all that has happened in the last 365 days. I hope I have a notebook handy whilst there, I have quite a few things to prepare for in January; some help for me and help for others far more in need than I . Whilst away I may even find a way to get on too twitter, oh don't be silly of course I will!!


Hope whoever reads my blog has a great holiday time and a good break, Happy New year , Happy Chanukah.


What will you be reflecting on?

Sleepless in London

Call me Nurse Hana! Wherever I look there's a little ill person , oh and big one in our bed right now, as he was struck down last night with the flu which has seen an unexpected increase this year. I don't know who to look after first,but thoughtfully we've got ill in sequence , giving me a chance to get a bit better before having to do all night vigils with the other half of my little family! Talking of my reference to Sleepless in Seattle in my title, remember the character Walter and his bedside , well by my bedside has on it everything but the kitchen sink ! I'm even looking at buying a humidifier this weekend!

Ive not been able to post much again , but having the shivers and sleeplessness for days on end and then it being passed around our four walls has left me needing much rest, haaaa but how to get it in a house of ills! The bed has been my companion alongside my laptop! Ive even had to miss my beloved development circle this week, something I'm loathe to do , but it had to be. I did manage to join the twitter community last week though and have very quickly met with some really interesting and inviting people and many following a similar path. The only thing is its just another addiction I will have to watch out for, as being at home for so long has given me much opportunity for hovering !

I'm thinking all this time at home will mean I come whooshing up next week ,as all we've done is languish around in pj's and eat fruit and drink water, yey for the papaya! Its just the best when you can no longer eat citrus from having a raw throat and its also good for settling the stomach. Id love to have given every one in the house a lot more Reiki than Ive done , but haven't had the strength and Ive needed to rest when I can. Ive been pondering on the possibility that the healing crisis comes on sooner, possibly, if one does self healing amidst the worst of the symptoms?

Right now at my laptop is my little pickle covering me in play doh, soggy tissues and half eaten fruit! The little cupcake however is covering the whole kitchen in play doh! I myself will have to find some small pleasures to get through another day at home, (a nice lunch treat?), apart from the doctors I haven't seen society since last Wednesday, so I'm assuming the world hasn't ended yet! Ive had no time to organise anything for Chanukah at my sisters, and only less than a week to sort clothes and loads more for our Family New years trip to Miami & the Keys next week. Its going to be busy the next coming few days!

Be back soon when we banish the ills!

What do you do with self healing and certain illness, can it increase the symptoms before improvement?

Mandala healing

Dark mustard represents an over active core chakra or blockage.

Last year I was asked to take the circle class and as I had just found out about Mandala's from here and had mentioned earlier one circle evening, it was a case of be careful what you wish for (being the Leo that I am and liking being the teacher and not the student), as there and then I was asked to do a mini workshop on the very subject the week after!!!!

At first the old tapes me started to panic at the prospect of creating a workshop in 7days and then the new me said no problem ,let the universal energy flow and it will too. In 2 days I had compiled a 10 page presentation! See I knew being a buyer would come in handy later in in my real incarnation!!!

Today as I was completing my post about wanting to hear from readers on Reiki cleansing and life development, I mentioned the Solar plexus. So inspired I decided to do a quick PowerPoint mandala - as seen above . Its quite easy just to play around with the computer shapes & lines , changing shades and making them transparent to add visible layers. Once done,drag your cursor over the whole thing , click to copy, paste into Paint and save as , et voila , your very own image of your Mandala as a whole.

Apart from creating the mandala this afternoon, I realised during the process, that it seems , from the very dark mustard yellow and the almost intense jagged layers , that I have a bit of a clogged up solar plexus centre from far to much input! I think some Reiki healing is in order!

If you would like to know more about Mandalas I will be posting sections of the workshop here I designed, including my first experiments with laptop mandalas, as much as I love paint on paper , sometimes I just want to get the ideas and impressions out really quickly , but yet very geometrically :

This is taken from the 1st 2 sections:

This evening you will learn a very special and different way to access your inner soul through art.
You will learn about Mandalas and a little of their history
You will also learn about how they look and how different they can be and how many forms they can take
This evening you will experience creating your 1st one (of several, they are addictive !!) and see were it takes you and how it makes you feel
There are no hard rules , just get some paper , colours, rulers, compass, you & some universal flow !!!

Experience , enjoy and share

Namaste

Mandalas is Sanskrit for circle or completion, or “concentric energy circle” , these images were created inside a box or circle , both or any given shape that the creator wishes to use. Hindu in origin , but used in many Dharmic religions.
Many show shapes and forms that repeat all the way round , flowing into a focal point Known as a Bindu. This is used to help the trance , meditative state .
Often used as a form of communication through oneself to others. Mayans used the sacred geometry of Mandalas for temples and on their calendars or sacred rounds (also known as as a Tzolkin see image below)

Mandalas to me are a visual meditative tool to get into the soul or essence of ones self. Combining meditation , divination and revelation.

Look out for the next section , coming soon.

In the meantime let me know if you've had a play with Mandalas yourself. Feel free to share them here.

Namaste

Life changing spiritual books, have you read one lately?

Image from Gurusoftware

See Ive always been one to go searching and searching for books, books and more books. When I'm in a groove , ill suck them up like a hoover on coke! But I have one proviso now when book hunting ; that they leap out at me and say , "you must must read me" , otherwise I just feel its not meant for me (that leap out looks very much like someones turned the saturation button up on the colours of the front cover). Although recently I picked up Eat Pray Love in an Airport shop and I just had to buy it , despite putting it back several times on the shelf , (as I had taken 3 new books already & by the way I still haven't started) . I'm halfway and so far I'm really enjoying it. Its one of those books I look forward to going to bed for so I can get down into it. Until this book, that resonance hasn't happened for some time. One theory from my teacher is that Ive done enough input work , now I need to output, do the practicals.

I tend to have a few of them ,(well quite a few stacked by my bed on the floor and often when tidying I just sit and thumb through them). The main one in my recent past that has done that bam thing for me was Home with God and it blew my mind.

I remember going on the underground the day I finished it and had the most amazing experience. Yer I know , like how can travelling on the underground in London be amazing when you've been doing it for over 20 years. It was like I suddenly saw and felt what is was all about. I had this overwhelming feeling and its so hard to put it into words here, but I will try;

I suddenly felt that oneness with everything and saw through the illusions. Sitting there on the platform in the subdued light, I felt a connectedness and a wonder and I couldn't stop staring at everyone around me. It felt so surreal , and yet amazing all at the same time. I felt small and yet I felt joined. For that brief few minutes I expanded my consciousness beyond the layers of the tunnels, tarmac, road and tubing. It uplifted me out of myself and I felt joy without any need, energy without outside stimulus and a calm that came unfettered. I cant remember beyond this, but I think I was able to tap it briefly for a few weeks after. It was if I was allowed a brief window into our existence but the window wasn't opened for long for its energy was so powerful to comprehend.

Apart from climbing to the top of Angels Landing in Zion Canyon many years ago and riding a horse alone in Monument valley for an afternoon , Id say that this was very oddly one of the most amazing mystical moments of my life! Thats right , down on the dark , smelly, crazy busy London Underground!

So if you have one spiritual book that you felt really changed your thoughts and feelings on life , or made you fizz with recognition and gave you inspiration, new intentions or new ways to be , what was that?

Enough about me for now (well at least this post!!)

Pontoon Bridge image almost as seen in attunment

Etchu Province, Toyama, Pontoon

Care of Castle fine arts

I need to hear from you , my readers out there. Ive noticed that many readers come here after google searching for Reiki cleansing. So Id like to hear how your cleansing experiences have gone; are you finding even way past the 21 days , months even , that you are becoming more self aware? That every living experience is noticed much more in fine detail? Is your life lighter or has it made you feel you've sunk a bit into sludge, created by years of burying pain? Are you questioning your way of life more ? Do relationships suddenly seem more in the spotlight? Are you self healing every day? Do you do every hand position or just one on the centre of the body? Or even has it had no effects at ll? Id really like to know.

Also did you write a cleansing diary and if so have you looked back at it , whats changed, if anything? Has your life since Reiki taken you down a new path? See now Im thinking ahhhhhhh , I must go and look at mine.

Ive been talking a lot about myself , my self development and the things I do to pull myself from darky avenue. What I want to know is how others keep themselves balanced and light. The Reiki way of life can completely change your aspect on things , so kind of like best practise at work , whats been working for you?

Oh and even if you haven't done Reiki , but some other life development work, and some of the questions above relate , then Id like to hear about that too.

Its always good to share others experiences , and the things that you benefit from. I'm sure we can all learn something new from others and a different approach is always great even if its something simple. I remember talking with circle friends about self healing, sometimes at bed time , I'm really not in the mood for doing every hand movement and this meant that I actually didn't do it on several nights. One of the others girls suggested just working on the solar plexus chakra, so now, (when I remember), I just lay my hand there, do what I need (being the sacred symbols that I try not to disclose if I can help it) and let it do its thing.

Namaste x

Massage my dosha more, baby!

Image courtesy of The Telegraph , Sequoia spa foot ritual

I was extremely lucky to have been sent to a Spa last week , an indulgence only taken on once a year, but he the mans booked it as a surprise, he, even if I don't, will often see when I need to do these things. It was at The Sequoia spa at The Grove that I had a very much needed escape for the day . Although I didn't easily relent to the relaxing decadent time offered completely! Trust me , I need to be whacked over the head with a mallet to shut off and give in! Its one of the reasons why I think I end up so frazzled and out of balance as I don't think I look after myself like this enough. Instead of relaxing I spent the whole day thoroughly intrigued by my therapists career journey and training! I was fascinated and found it really inspiring and couldn't stop asking her question after question!

I'm in no way sponsored by Espa and this is going to sound like a paid sales pitch , but my most favourite products are the Espa ones , being all natural and smelling amazing. This Spa is one of their main flagships, so all of the latest products and spa treatments are on offer. Ive been once before when they first opened for a day spa and never forgot how I was treated and looked after; it really was very special and nurturing experience and I was looking forward to that succumbing again.

The main bases for the Espa therapies is combining holistic, Ayurvedic and eastern philosophies with modern treatments. Within 5 minutes of consultation, (during the "foot ritual" seen in the image above) , my therapist had correctly worked out my Dosha or personal constitution type out of 3 :

Vata = Air & Ether - controlling movement

Pitta= Water & Fire - controlling metabolism

Kapha = Earth & Fire - controlling structure

With mine currently being Vata , she tailored the whole days treatments based on what would balance a Vata type : I was warmed , soothed and comforted with all sorts of oils, body wraps, lotions and potions, all chosen specifically to my sensory and sensual needs and likes . It was hard in parts to hold back the tears of emotions rising up , but I wanted to save those for after and just enjoy!

After a lovely peaceful lunch and a lay down in the womb like relaxation rooms (all aubergine velvet, moving beds, blankets and personal spa music, oh and the most lovely warm tea tonic !) , my face was stroked , my arms were rubbed and my hands wiggled until I just had to give in. So when the words "Mrs Mi your treatment is now over" at 4pm were quietly and calmly stated , I sighed a sigh inside wishing it could go on and on, as it had taken all day to get to this stage!!!

The effect by the end of the day was one blissed out Hana Mi , its a me that I need to remember when in the throes of any negative risings as it seemed to seep into every atom of my being. Ive bought some of the products from the day , not all , otherwise Id have needed to remortgaged, but I will be using them to help remind me of the feeling of relaxation as the smells will do much of the evoking work for me. I may have done much much more when my girls were spirits in the sky, but now its even more essential!

I remember several years ago The Body Shop did a whole series on Ayurvedic Doshas and specific products designed in line with Wild Earth . They were the first to offer these types of products commercially. I remember buying them in the sales when they were going to discontinue the range (and being very upset they were going as the body spray tonics were lovely) , the smells and textures designed for Vata were spot on for my tastes and they were really special products. They seemed so correct that back then I had very good evidence in the belief of Ayurvedic treatments. One I think I will be pursuing to add to my toolbox so to speak and use in my private practise on clients/patients in the future. Its quite exciting to re visit something again that I hadn't looked at for a long time and really take it on board, understand it properly and hopefully do some therapy courses for it to use it effectively.

Ive been unclear as to which way to take my practise of holistic therapies , having trained only in Reiki for now and going through the intense healing patch I'm experiencing ,I'm realising I need to take things very slowly. Its something I have to work hard to do as I like to take something and run with it immediately, bombarding myself , my life and my brain and never feeling quite proficient (sort of jack of all trades and master of none!).

My hospice position for a Reiki practitioner has now come through which is very important for me in my life changing course and I will start that in mid January 09 for a few hours every week. For the next few months I will let this be the simple road I travel, it will be a great learning experiencing for me and allow me to build confidence in what I'm doing. Eventually when ready to make additions to my treatments, I will start to learn other holistic therapies more intensely.

Simplicity is key and I need to take that on board if I'm to stay balanced for now. I will have to stop myself taking on more and more information , as it can be very exciting, but something in my life is telling me that this is not the best way to go right now. I need sameness , consistency and grounding right now.

Oh and meanwhile take a look at these online Dosha quiz's; One from Deepak Chopra's web site and another from "Whats your Dosha, baby" author Lissa Coffey’s . See I cant help myself! but then I see it as a benefit right now to know a little about who and what I am myself and what I can do for well being as these web sites have some great tips on self treatments.

I have too much Vata in the body and too much Pita in the mind!

and on that note , I also need to come away from the laptop and shut down my head for a while before bed time. Since the Spa day all Ive wanted to do is lay down and snuggle in a blanket!

Ive got to start listening to this body more hey!

ni ni all

Namaste

x

Cleansing wheels

Today for the 1st time in weeks I awoke feeling more uplifted , like my energy had shifted and some of the debris & detritus had been removed over the last few days. I don't know if its acceptance from others around me of the real me or the fact that the real me and the social facade me have come together and I can start being a more authentic person rather than the fractured splintered version.

I spent this weekend taking time to be just at home being quiet and tidying and not really doing much. I spend most days , full on , rushing here and there and I think Im finally having to say to things and people and expectations ENOUGH!

I also have just let out any of the emotional pains and negative thoughts that have been held tight inside the little protective boxes we all like to shelve deep within us. It wasn't all pretty and I ended up blubbing a lot the last 3 days like a 5yr old!! Whilst having a blub feels messy and painful , it felt good to have let it leave my space and the tight containment Ive put on it all. He the mans has actually surprised me and been extremely supportive ; listening , helping at home and with my cupcake and pickle. Hes even booked me for a full spa day of calming and soothing rituals. Its a real treat as the last one I did was over 5 years ago!! I need to make full use of whats on offer and hopefully relax and really give into it and allow it.

I still have to battle the demons that I touched upon in my previous post and yesterday marked the the new path of that work in my healing with my therapy assessment. I think many more little boxes (and not so little , but well wrapped and hidden boxes) , will need opening and clearing through. A bit like when you do the cupboards out , (you know the ones were you horde everything and anything and it all falls out when you open the door). It all gets into a bit of a mess before it can be re organised , but then after all that hard work of sifting through and a "do I need this anymore?" , It starts to then look all wonderfully tidy and neat again, this time with much less clutter around!

Mondays class was all about feeling Universal energy as powerfully as possibly , this meant working on deep hatha style breathing and imagining the light coming into our bodies very slowly (making it stop at each chakra, breathing deeply several times and drawing it in to that point to really feel its presence) , from our feet up to our crowns. We then went on further to clear our body minds and spirits with cleansing wheels. It may sound all tree huggy and hippy , but experiencing the effects of the wheel through you can be really powerful :

Visualise a huge cart wheel , see it glowing like a huge white vibrating light around you. See all its spokes going right through your whole body , see it starting at your base chakra. Imagine it spinning around you as fast as you can and as it spins , see it removing the pains and difficult emotions of the day. See them flying out beyond the spokes and disappearing into vapour. Gradually see it go up through each chakra and repeat the process. Notice how it feels at certain parts , does it move freely , does it stop and feel stuck ? Do you feel any physical feelings during this exercise? I did , I felt sick sick sick, but its all good , it means its doing its work and the effects don't last too long after. It may continue to do its work for a few days after and it may bring up some emotions , but allow them to rise , release and flow away. You can go up or down again to the same chakra if you feel it needs concentration. Its something you can do ever week , whilst watching TV , sitting in the car at the red lights or in a ritualised start to a deep meditation.

The purpose of all this?

Its so I can be of better service to myself , my family and those I endeavour to support via Reiki and mediumship. Our teacher that night likened our bodies to a water pipe , and when blocked our energy cannot flow free, our work will be harder as will the flow of water. So the more we cleanse , clear out and remove whats not needed the better channels we can be as messengers, aiding others through their own healing from whatever that may be.

Namaste

x

Precipice

I think when I 1st set this blog out, I was full of summer sun hope. Now the days are dark and short , I seem to be wallowing in a pity party or just possibly have the condition SAD going on?What comes with this pity party is a feeling that somehow I'm a fake - How can I be spiritual and talk of inner peace and calm and yet inside I'm feeling inner turmoil? How can I look after others and care for them if I don't get my own house in order? The thing Is I do want to get it in order ,dig up the foundations and re do them, but I cant see who too turn too to help me with it.

The other thought is ,how much do I disclose here before this space goes from "being in the light" to gradually standing in the dark looking into a big black gaping hole? It then self perpetuates , what you focus on is what grows doesn't it?

So how to share the whats going down here, but not the how I got here?

Whats going down? That's been a question of mine for many years , its the reason I took the road less travelled, finding a way to ride the storms I find with emotions and mind tricks. The problem is I'm having guilt in being human and not always feeling so spiritual. Guilt associated with having feelings that are less than peaceful and doing things that are basically not good for my soul, mind or my body.

I wrote the above about 7 days ago and its been a very strange time of roller coaster feelings and behaviour some days I'm surrounded by others but feel I'm in some glass box , were no one can see me or they do, but cant penetrate the surface to me inside.

In that time I have sought some help and hopefully will find some relief in that, although it may take some weeks to come about. I finally owned up to the things Ive been doing to sabotage myself to my parents and they have been checking on me every day since, I cant say more than that right now and I know I'm talking in code and being vague , but I'm holding several of my cards to chest here until I see fit to disclose more when I'm in a place to .

Ive been more open with some of the people around me, well within boundaries that is . Ive learnt some hard lessons the last few weeks ; firstly I'm learning for once In my life I don't have to tell all and sundry what I'm about and why, although unfortunately it can just come off as a vibe and secondly be careful who you share with for not everyone has the capacity for more than a surface kind of interaction and not everyone will safeguard your heart and being , not everyone wants to , and why should they.

May be this is a lesson in self forgiving , in being able to have low ebbs and know I'm still a great human being , still have something to give and still caring about others. I know some in this world will see me as flaky or a bit subdued right now, (I tell you the playground school run is trench warfare), but I know I will come through this again as I have done in the past, Ive been down further than this and come back again. I know what I'm about and if others don't see my heart and soul for what it is , then I cant do anything about that.

Despite this , some people around me have stepped up and stepped closer (whilst many have stepped away) and may be they are the main ones to concentrate on for now ,for aqquantances are fun , but when the chips are down ...................................yada yada. My work at my now closed development circle goes from strength to strength , although the good work I do , I feel, is more to do with the universal presence's/beings/spirits that help me rather than my doing.

Could all of this be a part of my re boot !??

I just want to say a thank you to the universal sources that are still with me and continue to want to work with me. I'm privileged to be able to do this work. Its what holds me in so many ways, it is as the cliche says , a lightness in the the dark . (I feel I'm making an acceptance speech, shine those oscars, theres one with my name on it!!).

Isnt it amazing how cathartic writing is.

Namaste

x