Back on my Island or How I want to still be there!

Well I'm back from one Island (Duck Key) , to another (UK) and it was a wonderful time away, I have some cherished memories , 350 photographs (I'll blame that on the sports setting) , 2hrs of video and a cupboard full of clothes that have a smell : Downy Lavender & Vanilla fabric conditioner!!! , (& yes a bit strange to add a link , but I just have to as it will forever mean so much & evoke every moment of our last few days away) oh and makes little cupcake wale with "I'm so sad I'm not there". I'm trying to express to her how the smell is good as a reminder of a great time and feel good in that , but hey , Ive got another 18 yrs is it before she understands the concept if gratitude!!

I would have posted this sooner, but Ive had quite a delay in getting over this jet lag , as little cupcakes night traumas & uber sensitivity have gone up a notch since our return. We've been awoken every other night or so the last 12-14 days around 1am to sobbing that's lasted for well over an hour or more. I tell you EFT is nothing short of miraculous in calming the hysterics down and I know I go on about it , but its just a lifesaver when all else fails, my baby sitter at the weekend couldn't get over its effects. Shes had a real roller coaster of emotions , I think its a mixture between the time difference, increased awareness and some ermm colourful stories my little other family member has been sharing that shes not to keen on! Sshhhhh lets not mention the Tornado word!

It was quite a challenge initially to be with he the mans 24/7 when away and made for a difficult start , as we really need to do some joint healing work (& that many readers is for disclosure at a MUCH braver stage), but we eventually relaxed and really came together . This trip showed me what a joy I can have with simple family things. Ive never really 100% sat well in my role as mother and housewife and always makes sure I let people know that I have my hand in several pies away from those positions,(yes I know its probably ego speak) , but on this trip I completely melded into it and I had a ball.

The wonder was seeing everything from my girls eyes. Ive been to the US on many lucky

occasions through my life from childhood in the

80's, but this was the first time with my own family and my own memories, going as a child with my parents and sister, are still to this day extremely vibrant. I hope we have started to embed in our girls the same colourful images to think back on.

Unfortunately I didn't get much time to meditate or do much Reiki for that matter , but just allowed myself to be, experience and relax and that's what was needed very much. We ate some lovely food (& some not so lovely big greasy food) and little cupcakes addiction to Buffalo wings went into overdrive, in fact we all got soo addicted to them, I wonder in Ayurvedic terms was our need for savoury pickley spicy flavours?! I'll show some food pics soon on Nosh of Love and you can see what we chomped our way through in 14days!

Since returning we've done all we can to find a way to go back there as soon as we can , but right now were counting down the last few days before our house is ripped to shreds and re modelled in a much more sensible way & that has to be the focus. All that luxury and comfort to icky mess! Life's contrasts hey!

You cant see Miami & not go to Ocean drive hey

Right in the middle of new buildings and highways of Lincoln mall , was this white Colonial confectionery

My girls were mesmerised!

A garden in Duck Key , some garden!

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! The View from our Veranda

Enough about me for now (well at least this post!!)

Pontoon Bridge image almost as seen in attunment

Etchu Province, Toyama, Pontoon

Care of Castle fine arts

I need to hear from you , my readers out there. Ive noticed that many readers come here after google searching for Reiki cleansing. So Id like to hear how your cleansing experiences have gone; are you finding even way past the 21 days , months even , that you are becoming more self aware? That every living experience is noticed much more in fine detail? Is your life lighter or has it made you feel you've sunk a bit into sludge, created by years of burying pain? Are you questioning your way of life more ? Do relationships suddenly seem more in the spotlight? Are you self healing every day? Do you do every hand position or just one on the centre of the body? Or even has it had no effects at ll? Id really like to know.

Also did you write a cleansing diary and if so have you looked back at it , whats changed, if anything? Has your life since Reiki taken you down a new path? See now Im thinking ahhhhhhh , I must go and look at mine.

Ive been talking a lot about myself , my self development and the things I do to pull myself from darky avenue. What I want to know is how others keep themselves balanced and light. The Reiki way of life can completely change your aspect on things , so kind of like best practise at work , whats been working for you?

Oh and even if you haven't done Reiki , but some other life development work, and some of the questions above relate , then Id like to hear about that too.

Its always good to share others experiences , and the things that you benefit from. I'm sure we can all learn something new from others and a different approach is always great even if its something simple. I remember talking with circle friends about self healing, sometimes at bed time , I'm really not in the mood for doing every hand movement and this meant that I actually didn't do it on several nights. One of the others girls suggested just working on the solar plexus chakra, so now, (when I remember), I just lay my hand there, do what I need (being the sacred symbols that I try not to disclose if I can help it) and let it do its thing.

Namaste x

Precipice

I think when I 1st set this blog out, I was full of summer sun hope. Now the days are dark and short , I seem to be wallowing in a pity party or just possibly have the condition SAD going on?What comes with this pity party is a feeling that somehow I'm a fake - How can I be spiritual and talk of inner peace and calm and yet inside I'm feeling inner turmoil? How can I look after others and care for them if I don't get my own house in order? The thing Is I do want to get it in order ,dig up the foundations and re do them, but I cant see who too turn too to help me with it.

The other thought is ,how much do I disclose here before this space goes from "being in the light" to gradually standing in the dark looking into a big black gaping hole? It then self perpetuates , what you focus on is what grows doesn't it?

So how to share the whats going down here, but not the how I got here?

Whats going down? That's been a question of mine for many years , its the reason I took the road less travelled, finding a way to ride the storms I find with emotions and mind tricks. The problem is I'm having guilt in being human and not always feeling so spiritual. Guilt associated with having feelings that are less than peaceful and doing things that are basically not good for my soul, mind or my body.

I wrote the above about 7 days ago and its been a very strange time of roller coaster feelings and behaviour some days I'm surrounded by others but feel I'm in some glass box , were no one can see me or they do, but cant penetrate the surface to me inside.

In that time I have sought some help and hopefully will find some relief in that, although it may take some weeks to come about. I finally owned up to the things Ive been doing to sabotage myself to my parents and they have been checking on me every day since, I cant say more than that right now and I know I'm talking in code and being vague , but I'm holding several of my cards to chest here until I see fit to disclose more when I'm in a place to .

Ive been more open with some of the people around me, well within boundaries that is . Ive learnt some hard lessons the last few weeks ; firstly I'm learning for once In my life I don't have to tell all and sundry what I'm about and why, although unfortunately it can just come off as a vibe and secondly be careful who you share with for not everyone has the capacity for more than a surface kind of interaction and not everyone will safeguard your heart and being , not everyone wants to , and why should they.

May be this is a lesson in self forgiving , in being able to have low ebbs and know I'm still a great human being , still have something to give and still caring about others. I know some in this world will see me as flaky or a bit subdued right now, (I tell you the playground school run is trench warfare), but I know I will come through this again as I have done in the past, Ive been down further than this and come back again. I know what I'm about and if others don't see my heart and soul for what it is , then I cant do anything about that.

Despite this , some people around me have stepped up and stepped closer (whilst many have stepped away) and may be they are the main ones to concentrate on for now ,for aqquantances are fun , but when the chips are down ...................................yada yada. My work at my now closed development circle goes from strength to strength , although the good work I do , I feel, is more to do with the universal presence's/beings/spirits that help me rather than my doing.

Could all of this be a part of my re boot !??

I just want to say a thank you to the universal sources that are still with me and continue to want to work with me. I'm privileged to be able to do this work. Its what holds me in so many ways, it is as the cliche says , a lightness in the the dark . (I feel I'm making an acceptance speech, shine those oscars, theres one with my name on it!!).

Isnt it amazing how cathartic writing is.

Namaste

x

Stuck

Will find inspiration and come back to this space!

Above is the sentence I put on here about 2 weeks ago, saved it to my edit posts menu with a blank page and have only come back to it today!!!


Before that I had a whole two paragraphs written in this space and found that I just couldn't post them and wiped them off as the content was all about some personal things happening socially. I don't know what that says about my integrity , but hey I'm being honest right now in the fact that Ive been drawing a blank since mid October in what to write here.


Despite this "writers block", or rather "what do I share with readers block", Ive had lots of varied life experience things going on : Much of those "personal things" had to do with friendships, trust and uneasy human interactions, some with my closed development circle and all the amazing phenomena we've been experiencing there, (which I'll share at another time when my words flow more freely) and some to do with my little girls and their growth. I know it all seems a bit vague but I'm needing some more time to digest the last few weeks and find a way of moving forward and learning from things whilst staying positive and not hurting myself in the process. I work every day balancing how I'm treated and how to treat others and its not always easy.


A good friend across the pond suggested I shut this down and start a fresh somewhere else , which might be a good idea considering all things. The only thing is I invested a lot of time and thought into this space and its design and I don't feel ready to move on from it. Its just something to consider as I don't think I can be as open as I would like here.

I also think this blog needs to have more of a USP to keep it fresh and vibrant. It would be good to get some ideas on how to progress this space and make it feel purposeful or just even a bit more spontaneous and freer. I need to do a bit of work chewing on some new material and revisiting the many notebooks and lists I keep, for this feels like the equivalent of tires going round and round in mud and I don't like it!!!!

I'm hoping that things will just sort of happen to get this moving again and normally it just does. I almost need to do the Internet version of a sage cleansing, ( now that might make for some good material?)!! Its possible that spirit have stepped back again as I'm known to try and juggle every plate going and then add some more, but lately its been much harder to keep it all going.

If anyone's got any ideas, that would be a great!!!

If you stay here whilst I sort of re boot a bit, that would be fab. I'm hoping its just another of my glitches in the programming !!!

Namaste to all those who visit here

Hana Mi

Behind the rip curl

Image care of MagicSeaweed (check out the photographs - awesome!)

I have a theory, (it might be crackpot but here goes), when propelling yourself forward in a new direction , healing the old and becoming a new , a momentum has to build to carry you forward. I spoke to my father about changes and introspection today and he mentioned the catastrophe theory(used more in sports performance), but I couldn't find anything on that that I could quite understand . It also didn't quite correlate as the metaphor for my journey of late.


To me whats happening is more of a "behind the rip curl " stage : As the sea rises into a large wave from the edge of the shore it creates a curve that builds power and momentum. Taking in the flow and the power of the sea behind and before the point of forward propulsion , it is in reverse and rises higher looking back on itself before the final leap over its original direction , to join the shore again. A surfer stands within the curl using its energy to ride through. I think that's were Id like to be , that is what I aspire to , symbolically speaking , letting it all happen around me , able to stand within and be less affected. At the moment I'm sitting behind that curve waiting to leap up on the top and catapult into my new way of being, traversing a new path.

As with all healing, learning & changing you will go through a period of discomfort ,a temporary detachment, may be extra pain, feeling low, unsure and may be some extra heartache. It may feel like all the old tapes are playing and all old behaviours have come back to sit on your shoulder , you may feel awkward and have a great unease. Sounds great doesnt it!!

There's a reason for this , unpleasant as it may be . It is so that you can see what it is that needs to be dealt with , what needs a re think , what new ways need to be learnt and what is needed no more - ahhhhh to get rid of things , not only do I horde in my house , I horde old ways in my head!! Great and positive changes can occur after this stage, but unfortunately it cannot be avoided, whats needed is some support along the way - writing about it is one way , talking to others on the same path is another , oh and also some silly distraction, like working on surfing metaphors, to help along the way!

Image care of Made in England by Gentlemen

Where do think you are on the rip curl ? I think I might just be the ickle bitty fish above !!?

Im an ENFP???????

Ive been trying to catch up on blogs I read regularly , but fail miserably to get round and as I'm home this morning with a little poorly pickle, I had a spare 10 mins whilst she languishes my little thing in the front room.

I came upon this at 23BeecHill's lovely craft blog and you know me , I cant resist a little test. Blogthings tests are quite fun too.

I just wish I knew what an ENFP was though , any ideas what these abbreviations mean?

Id say its pretty spot on , which is a bit scary actually.

You Are An ENFP

The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends. You are also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority and rules. Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives. You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller! In love, you are quite the charmer. And you are definitely willing to risk your heart. You often don't follow through with your flirting or professed feelings. And you do break a lot of hearts. At work, you are driven but not a workaholic. You just always seem to enjoy what you do. You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist. How you see yourself: compassionate, unselfish, and understanding When other people don't get you, they see you as: gushy, emotional, and unfocused

What's Your Personality Type?

goooo onnn , you know you want to!!!

slowing down the pendulum swing

Healing isn't the easiest path despite the experience of many wonderful special mystical and euphoric moments , not all of them being of the phenomenal variety , just ahhh isn't that lovely. Sometimes some nights and some days can be tough, painful , embarrassing and down right frustrating and all I want to do is climb in bed or a hot bath ,set my ipod to a guided meditation and be done with it! I have many old fears that have arisen lately, I know why , as its now that I need to clear them. I'm feeling things I haven't for years and years, so re experiencing them at this time, rather than being unconscious of them, having buried them temporarily deep inside, is whats required to move on and fully clear any related debris . The hardest thing is finding a way of working through them alone, which may be is one of the reasons why I have created this space , so I can share and be with others on some of the tougher times.

Many of us have a preconceived idea that all healing is just harps , angels, love and flowers , and yes it can be and its wonderful when you feel a deep surge of ; wow, life is amazing, but also its about coming to terms with things in our life that shape us and its not always the nicest parts.

The reason for this work is mainly so that I can be clearer and more focused when healing others, in order to do this I need to learn how to no longer be a slave to outside forces ,whether it be health , other peoples emotions or just the layers of things that modern life brings to us ; car breaking down , encountering road rage , laptop freezing , disastrous client orders, mice eating your cereal & ad finitum....... When I say slave , I'm talking of not being able to control the huge swings of emotions related to uncontrollable happenings, hence the pendulum swings. I'm also talking of the things we can control , but don't aways know how ,as habitual behavior patterns have set in.

Ive been reading a blog about a women's blogging journey through weight loss called Back in skinny Jeans and stumbled upon her post regarding the healing curve. Its extremely inspiring stuff and can apply to many even without weight loss issues. Despite being extremely lucky, right now that is, and not needing to loose weight, well in only having to continue to eat healthily, (a challenge in itself) , I can very much relate to what she says in many of her posts and speaks to me in how I have lived my life and currently interact with others. Reading it tonight couldn't be more timely and I may as yet disclose on here some of the more personal challenges I have had. This post is yet even more inspiring in its content right this minute , I feel very compelled to connect with this force of positivity and speak with her in person.

Ive been at all sorts of weights in my later life and went on a brief journey of going from a size 0 (I had to wear kids clothes, I kid you not), up to a 12 , then during my 1st pregnancy ballooning to a size 16 and coming all the way back down again, well not quite, but I digress. The healing curve concept communicated in her post is a great visual tool in aiding your progress from the starting point to were you are now. Its not something we normally apply to our life goals , as we tend to just plod along each day and then get caught in the intensiveness of a current set back rather than view the bigger picture.

Id like to apply it to my current place in my journey , but as yet I'm not sure how I can transfer this to emotions or the shape of my psyche and outlook rather than weight loss. Weight is tangible and measured, emotions are not! and I'm thinking aloud here , what I may have to do is come up with a positivity chart using short phrases that tracks my lifestyle through the last few years? This bit I need to work on I think !

A little too intensely naval gazing like you say , possibly , but if I disclose at some point the tougher, grittier and more personal aspects of my life , I think you'd think ,hey may be this would be a good thing!!! We always need to see the sun shined aspects of things ,even if there are shadows forming.

Oh and I still secretly weigh myself , just encase I start to creep again. Shhhhhhhhhhhh dont tell anyone!