The hands have it

For some reading the following , this may seem extremely left field and almost incomprehensible, for others you may be able to identify with the experience, nevertheless , my words are true & my description is as close to what happened as possible

On the Monday of June 2nd 09, I had my 1st real trance experience at circle, one that I did not expect as we sat down in our pairs (chosen via raffle tickets)! I thought I was just going to have my usual Monday experience ; fairly intense but nothing out of the ordinary. Yet 20 minutes into my turn to trance heal and I felt the most unbelievable and strangely connected syncing with the person I was healing I had ever felt,I don't think I will ever forget the experience. I still cant quite believe it and I keep on going over the experience in my mind reliving it, as it was so powerful . It wasn't unpleasant , but it wasn't pleasant either ; my whole body felt as if it was being held in this strange , well the only word I can find is - Trance!!

The only clue in hindsight that things would be different was that at the hospice that morning when treating patients was that my whole body shook and my hands vibrated so much , I had to concentrate on not making it a discomforting experience for them. But both of them came round in a stooper as if they had been in an intense dream sleep. I hadnt yet experienced this whilst healing.

Im found 10 days later at my following Monday circle I could, (well for now, as you never know when your abilities will ebb and flow), go into trance or meditation at the drop of a hat.

All I keep seeing is how my hands on that Monday were stuck to my recipients back as if glued on or magnetised to them, almost as if they were sinking in to that person. I know when spirit are near as I normally feel my body leaning to the side or as if Im in a force field I cant move from, but this time my whole body was moved and slumped forward and it was damn hard to control. I totally took on the shape and form of the grandmother of the recipient and started to feel an intense amount of emotion for them both. The feeling of compassion was so strong it took over my whole body , like nothing I have ever experienced. As my circle leaders voice came into frequency and I heard his words "please step back from the medium" , I came whooshing out with such force that it brought on hyperventilation and a rush of emotion that left me sobbing. It was an extreme shock to my system , as I was being pulled from one level of consciousness to another. Hyperventilation is something Ive had to deal with in the recent past so thankfully , due to my, (lets call it training in how to deal with acute panic attacks), I think I was just about able to stave it off. Our teacher has discussed on several occasions that coming out too quickly can cause this effect , but until your actually in that deep , you don't quite realise how hard it is too harness the information you've been told to prevent it. I know for sure I will know for next time!

I am surprised Im able to write about it , as I feel part of my consciousness was almost of another plane for that half hour of my life, but Ive been teaching myself how to recall dreams, as it was something very much recommended for my work. I' have been wondering if this is why I was told to do so, so that I can easily connect with what I see and feel when on another level.

During the experience I felt many things ; Spirit had stepped in to my aura so closely that I felt my whole body being hugged and held , my head kept on being pulled back and my body was moved side to to side. It was hard to keep still. I still cant quite believe what I felt , as in all honesty , even at my circle watching others do this , Ive thought that may be Im being hoaxed , but yet I know that what Im writing is true. It felt extremely real and in no way forced, it was in fact a very special experience. One I don't think I will forget.

I hope to be able to connect in this way again, as it greatly benefits my work and my connection with the spirit who is trying to convey its message to me for my sitters. Just next time I must remember to ground a bit more on the exit!!

Back on my Island or How I want to still be there!

Well I'm back from one Island (Duck Key) , to another (UK) and it was a wonderful time away, I have some cherished memories , 350 photographs (I'll blame that on the sports setting) , 2hrs of video and a cupboard full of clothes that have a smell : Downy Lavender & Vanilla fabric conditioner!!! , (& yes a bit strange to add a link , but I just have to as it will forever mean so much & evoke every moment of our last few days away) oh and makes little cupcake wale with "I'm so sad I'm not there". I'm trying to express to her how the smell is good as a reminder of a great time and feel good in that , but hey , Ive got another 18 yrs is it before she understands the concept if gratitude!!

I would have posted this sooner, but Ive had quite a delay in getting over this jet lag , as little cupcakes night traumas & uber sensitivity have gone up a notch since our return. We've been awoken every other night or so the last 12-14 days around 1am to sobbing that's lasted for well over an hour or more. I tell you EFT is nothing short of miraculous in calming the hysterics down and I know I go on about it , but its just a lifesaver when all else fails, my baby sitter at the weekend couldn't get over its effects. Shes had a real roller coaster of emotions , I think its a mixture between the time difference, increased awareness and some ermm colourful stories my little other family member has been sharing that shes not to keen on! Sshhhhh lets not mention the Tornado word!

It was quite a challenge initially to be with he the mans 24/7 when away and made for a difficult start , as we really need to do some joint healing work (& that many readers is for disclosure at a MUCH braver stage), but we eventually relaxed and really came together . This trip showed me what a joy I can have with simple family things. Ive never really 100% sat well in my role as mother and housewife and always makes sure I let people know that I have my hand in several pies away from those positions,(yes I know its probably ego speak) , but on this trip I completely melded into it and I had a ball.

The wonder was seeing everything from my girls eyes. Ive been to the US on many lucky

occasions through my life from childhood in the

80's, but this was the first time with my own family and my own memories, going as a child with my parents and sister, are still to this day extremely vibrant. I hope we have started to embed in our girls the same colourful images to think back on.

Unfortunately I didn't get much time to meditate or do much Reiki for that matter , but just allowed myself to be, experience and relax and that's what was needed very much. We ate some lovely food (& some not so lovely big greasy food) and little cupcakes addiction to Buffalo wings went into overdrive, in fact we all got soo addicted to them, I wonder in Ayurvedic terms was our need for savoury pickley spicy flavours?! I'll show some food pics soon on Nosh of Love and you can see what we chomped our way through in 14days!

Since returning we've done all we can to find a way to go back there as soon as we can , but right now were counting down the last few days before our house is ripped to shreds and re modelled in a much more sensible way & that has to be the focus. All that luxury and comfort to icky mess! Life's contrasts hey!

You cant see Miami & not go to Ocean drive hey

Right in the middle of new buildings and highways of Lincoln mall , was this white Colonial confectionery

My girls were mesmerised!

A garden in Duck Key , some garden!

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! The View from our Veranda

Sleepless in London

Call me Nurse Hana! Wherever I look there's a little ill person , oh and big one in our bed right now, as he was struck down last night with the flu which has seen an unexpected increase this year. I don't know who to look after first,but thoughtfully we've got ill in sequence , giving me a chance to get a bit better before having to do all night vigils with the other half of my little family! Talking of my reference to Sleepless in Seattle in my title, remember the character Walter and his bedside , well by my bedside has on it everything but the kitchen sink ! I'm even looking at buying a humidifier this weekend!

Ive not been able to post much again , but having the shivers and sleeplessness for days on end and then it being passed around our four walls has left me needing much rest, haaaa but how to get it in a house of ills! The bed has been my companion alongside my laptop! Ive even had to miss my beloved development circle this week, something I'm loathe to do , but it had to be. I did manage to join the twitter community last week though and have very quickly met with some really interesting and inviting people and many following a similar path. The only thing is its just another addiction I will have to watch out for, as being at home for so long has given me much opportunity for hovering !

I'm thinking all this time at home will mean I come whooshing up next week ,as all we've done is languish around in pj's and eat fruit and drink water, yey for the papaya! Its just the best when you can no longer eat citrus from having a raw throat and its also good for settling the stomach. Id love to have given every one in the house a lot more Reiki than Ive done , but haven't had the strength and Ive needed to rest when I can. Ive been pondering on the possibility that the healing crisis comes on sooner, possibly, if one does self healing amidst the worst of the symptoms?

Right now at my laptop is my little pickle covering me in play doh, soggy tissues and half eaten fruit! The little cupcake however is covering the whole kitchen in play doh! I myself will have to find some small pleasures to get through another day at home, (a nice lunch treat?), apart from the doctors I haven't seen society since last Wednesday, so I'm assuming the world hasn't ended yet! Ive had no time to organise anything for Chanukah at my sisters, and only less than a week to sort clothes and loads more for our Family New years trip to Miami & the Keys next week. Its going to be busy the next coming few days!

Be back soon when we banish the ills!

What do you do with self healing and certain illness, can it increase the symptoms before improvement?

Massage my dosha more, baby!

Image courtesy of The Telegraph , Sequoia spa foot ritual

I was extremely lucky to have been sent to a Spa last week , an indulgence only taken on once a year, but he the mans booked it as a surprise, he, even if I don't, will often see when I need to do these things. It was at The Sequoia spa at The Grove that I had a very much needed escape for the day . Although I didn't easily relent to the relaxing decadent time offered completely! Trust me , I need to be whacked over the head with a mallet to shut off and give in! Its one of the reasons why I think I end up so frazzled and out of balance as I don't think I look after myself like this enough. Instead of relaxing I spent the whole day thoroughly intrigued by my therapists career journey and training! I was fascinated and found it really inspiring and couldn't stop asking her question after question!

I'm in no way sponsored by Espa and this is going to sound like a paid sales pitch , but my most favourite products are the Espa ones , being all natural and smelling amazing. This Spa is one of their main flagships, so all of the latest products and spa treatments are on offer. Ive been once before when they first opened for a day spa and never forgot how I was treated and looked after; it really was very special and nurturing experience and I was looking forward to that succumbing again.

The main bases for the Espa therapies is combining holistic, Ayurvedic and eastern philosophies with modern treatments. Within 5 minutes of consultation, (during the "foot ritual" seen in the image above) , my therapist had correctly worked out my Dosha or personal constitution type out of 3 :

Vata = Air & Ether - controlling movement

Pitta= Water & Fire - controlling metabolism

Kapha = Earth & Fire - controlling structure

With mine currently being Vata , she tailored the whole days treatments based on what would balance a Vata type : I was warmed , soothed and comforted with all sorts of oils, body wraps, lotions and potions, all chosen specifically to my sensory and sensual needs and likes . It was hard in parts to hold back the tears of emotions rising up , but I wanted to save those for after and just enjoy!

After a lovely peaceful lunch and a lay down in the womb like relaxation rooms (all aubergine velvet, moving beds, blankets and personal spa music, oh and the most lovely warm tea tonic !) , my face was stroked , my arms were rubbed and my hands wiggled until I just had to give in. So when the words "Mrs Mi your treatment is now over" at 4pm were quietly and calmly stated , I sighed a sigh inside wishing it could go on and on, as it had taken all day to get to this stage!!!

The effect by the end of the day was one blissed out Hana Mi , its a me that I need to remember when in the throes of any negative risings as it seemed to seep into every atom of my being. Ive bought some of the products from the day , not all , otherwise Id have needed to remortgaged, but I will be using them to help remind me of the feeling of relaxation as the smells will do much of the evoking work for me. I may have done much much more when my girls were spirits in the sky, but now its even more essential!

I remember several years ago The Body Shop did a whole series on Ayurvedic Doshas and specific products designed in line with Wild Earth . They were the first to offer these types of products commercially. I remember buying them in the sales when they were going to discontinue the range (and being very upset they were going as the body spray tonics were lovely) , the smells and textures designed for Vata were spot on for my tastes and they were really special products. They seemed so correct that back then I had very good evidence in the belief of Ayurvedic treatments. One I think I will be pursuing to add to my toolbox so to speak and use in my private practise on clients/patients in the future. Its quite exciting to re visit something again that I hadn't looked at for a long time and really take it on board, understand it properly and hopefully do some therapy courses for it to use it effectively.

Ive been unclear as to which way to take my practise of holistic therapies , having trained only in Reiki for now and going through the intense healing patch I'm experiencing ,I'm realising I need to take things very slowly. Its something I have to work hard to do as I like to take something and run with it immediately, bombarding myself , my life and my brain and never feeling quite proficient (sort of jack of all trades and master of none!).

My hospice position for a Reiki practitioner has now come through which is very important for me in my life changing course and I will start that in mid January 09 for a few hours every week. For the next few months I will let this be the simple road I travel, it will be a great learning experiencing for me and allow me to build confidence in what I'm doing. Eventually when ready to make additions to my treatments, I will start to learn other holistic therapies more intensely.

Simplicity is key and I need to take that on board if I'm to stay balanced for now. I will have to stop myself taking on more and more information , as it can be very exciting, but something in my life is telling me that this is not the best way to go right now. I need sameness , consistency and grounding right now.

Oh and meanwhile take a look at these online Dosha quiz's; One from Deepak Chopra's web site and another from "Whats your Dosha, baby" author Lissa Coffey’s . See I cant help myself! but then I see it as a benefit right now to know a little about who and what I am myself and what I can do for well being as these web sites have some great tips on self treatments.

I have too much Vata in the body and too much Pita in the mind!

and on that note , I also need to come away from the laptop and shut down my head for a while before bed time. Since the Spa day all Ive wanted to do is lay down and snuggle in a blanket!

Ive got to start listening to this body more hey!

ni ni all

Namaste

x

Its my birthday and ill cry if I want to !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't really have a birthday day today as such , although I had a quick meet up lunch with my mum on her work lunch break with my two girls and a visit to the park with li'l cupcakes schoolfriend. We have planned at the weekend , a lovely meal in a special restaurant on Saturday . You will hear more of which on Nosh of Love next week Im sure and a shopping trip into central London on Sunday to sort my Birthday pressie out from he the mans.

Ive felt a bit flat as I'm now much nearer to 40 than 30 today!

I know its only a number , and I know spiritually I shouldnt worry about age and time lines , but it just feels very weird. Its like were did all that time go, Im shocked I think !!!

Ive felt very much stuck the last few weeks and Ive been fixating on the wrong things : , Internet use, staying up late, not eating well , worrying about social life, other people and their reactions and things outside of me. I was told last night two things : 1) that all this distraction needs to stop 2) the opportunities I search for may not be the ones that come to be the right ones.

To clear all the debris away I need to have a good ole cry - healing tears of course - and get it out and get moving forward, I have work to do you see now. I really really have to start in earnest with my Reiki path . So I know I need to focus on the positives and last nights circle was a wonderful recap of the energy I can work with and the power I have in myself.

Image care of Erika on My Space , found on Dr.Romel Axibal at My Space

It was a lovely healing evening and one that was very very much needed. It really helped me get back in touch with my healing abilities and was nice to slow down and relax a bit. We spent the first half of the evening doing energy exercises : feeling our own energy by holding our hands out in front as if holding a football and feeling were you sense resistance. Shutting down and then re opening to universal energy and feeling the difference is mind blowing , even our resident sceptic to healing was blown away! As someone nicely put it last night, "Its the difference between holding a tennis ball and then holding a beach ball" !! We also did the same in pairs before and after breathing in Universal light and had to give the sitter one message about themselves . Its a wonderful way of really feeling the difference from every day being to the expanded energy we work with in medium ship and healing. We then grouped into Reiki levels and non Reiki levels and partnered up to practise and connect for a psychic or clairvoyant message for the recipient.

I felt it was actually easier to connect once we'd done the energy work and I need to remember the practise of it when working. It was also great to receive feedback on my healing as I generally only practise on my girls. I have done my father for 10minutes post Reiki II and he found it immensely soothing and my mother in law before my Reiki II, (which really is- at level I- as our teacher says an "inspired Spiritual healing") , but to get outside validation is great for this work. The sitter said she never normally relaxes , but that with my short session she very much felt deeply calmed. To know that I'm channelling something and this is having a strong effect is a great feeling. To know its helping someone feel good is the best feeling I could ever get. The healing I received from her in return was wonderful and the end to the evening at my lovely friends home - were she fed me after (spiritually and physically), gosh you get soooo hungry after circle- I think has helped me re evaluate some of the odd stuck place I got my head at recently.

Ive noticed the time and seen that its just after 11:30 pm. Normally I would keep going until way past midnight , but so I can get some much needed down time, I will keep this post briefer than normal and head off to get into sleep mode. If I set a small intention now , it may help discipline me through the days.

I thank the universe and the friends for the gift of their time and the experience of the evening.

Night all x

Spirit intervenes

It seems they want me to STOP !!!

Sometimes you just have to stop as you have no choice; Stop the dialogue, stop the brain activity, stop talking, stop writing, stop running around and just BE. It’s not been easy and in some cases we just had to - well sort of, having been to 5 different social events including 2 parties in 5 days!!- hence the reason for so little posting - I apologise for anyone who actually reads this stuff and enjoys the lid being removed from my head every now and again, for having nothing fresh to write about for nearly a week except my nostalgic and sentimental video- more about the reasons for that soon!

Over the weekend and in less than 48hrs all our lights blew and the house was in total darkness, the front door bust and it could not be locked or unlocked, and we had to stay at home all day Saturday for the locksmith and electrician to rescue us! Then over the last few days my laptop keeps freezing and yesterday I found that the pads of my toes and just below are all swollen and sore, except I don’t recall having any accident or hurting myself, strange huh? It’s not the first time this sort of thing has happened either.

I realise I don't sit down and I'm not in my house for most of the day. When home I'm running up and down the garden rescuing little pickles and cupcakes, washing up, cooking, bathing kids and getting us all ready to go out. When out I’m, shopping, collecting or dropping off cupcake , involved in training classes for Reiki and mediumship on Sundays every few weeks, rushing to get to circle in the evening middle of the week or some other evening school social event or just standing here at the laptop writing for my 2 blogs.

All of it involves activity (non stop), whether it be of the mind and body or with the expressive spaces I need to have; constant writing daily. I’ve mentioned before being grammatically challenged and when life gets hectic it’s sometimes even more of a push.

He the mans despairs of me in the evenings, as I can’t stop and just sit with him. I'm constantly in a state of flux, forever needing mental stimulation or distraction, thinking up new subjects to discuss or food ideas to make for Nosh of Love , (well for he the mans to make!). The result of which, I don't get to sleep till near 1am and average 6hrs a night of sleep. This I’ve found is really not enough for me. The end result lately is a lovely mix of, as you can see from my last post: irritability, tearfulness and behaviour no better than a 5 yr old and a feeling that I can’t do it all for everyone, oh and a messy house!!!!

I'm not aiming for sympathy here , a lot is my own doing , as I know I stretch myself in too many different directions and am now endeavouring to put myself through a course of CBT to top it all off , but I wonder : How many of us are like this and use it to avoid sitting alone with our thoughts? Also, how do we fit it all in with children and get to bed early? (Yes I know the main answer is you don’t!!).

So I sense that many would say, cut some of it out. This may mean less blogging or just less social events for my girls and me on my own time in the evenings or weekends. The deeper issue being: why am I avoiding the alone time, what is it I need to get hold of in me and cut out? My main dichotomy is I like to be alone, quiet, free spirited and not tied to anyone or anything, but also on the flip side, I’m keen on moving my life in a new direction and I love being with others and going out!!

I'm aware that I need to meditate more, as this is key to making lots of areas flow better in life, but this constant adrenalin kick means I find it hard to switch off and flick to down time.

My main thought is to just turn the laptop off, (or not even turn it on, GASPPPPP) , not allow the TV to go on at all and just go straight up to my room , (the most peaceful space in this house) , after my girls bed time and just sit with my iPod and here’s a little tip for those who find it hard to go alone on this and need some help , listen to the collection of guided meditations I’ve downloaded through iTunes from PodcastAlley.

I then also factor in not being with he the mans till late and then I'm back to my dilemma of how to make time for meditation and everything else I seem to need to do.

See it just goes to show, one can’t always practise what they preach, (or in my case and here’s my reverse self righteousness), use the tools I know very well how to use!

Sometimes you just can’t do it all and sometimes spirits do things so you can’t do it all, whilst writing this my server decided to slow down to a snails pace and then came to a complete STOP. I had to quickly save this to word to continue it and prevent its loss.

It seemed they didn’t want me on the laptop last night either to finish this post, as my browser then wouldn’t even load. I think the message finally got through ; I need to relax more and find a more balanced approach!!!!

So yes spirit, my laptop went off for the rest of the evening and as you know I sat in the garden for dinner!!

I am now trying to get this is out in the blogger world this morning.

Namaste all

X

Use Sunscreen

Tears , tired, these words :

Monique asks :

Image care of Feuillu on Flickr - Light lines (cc)

Another great question was posed in my comments to me by Monique last week and I thought it was such a good one that it inspired another post and a way to introduce a little more about what I do.

When you say you are a healer, how does that comes into play w/ your gift? I
hear healer and try to combine it w/ your gift and think uber concentrated
psychiatry.

Now brace yourselves for the tree hugging bit , its coming , so press pause on your belief systems for a minute!

A spiritual or Reiki healer, (these being different methods or modality's), is merely a channel for universal energy, divine essence, universal light, G%d light, life force or divine light . Call it what you will, it basically boils down to sending through unconditional love from the other realms beyond the physical to another by the laying on or laying over of hands. When I heal ,(in whatever modality) its not actually me doing the healing. I'm purely a vessel/channel source to send it through to the recipient. Do you need me to connect with this ? Probably not ,but not everyone allows themselves the time or the space to enjoy these moments. So going to a healer initialy may be a very good way to start.

There are many who don't see it as a gift and many see it as unproven and according to law I'm not actually even allowed to say that I'm channeling or healing anything. If I'm able to see-clairvoyance-, hear clairaudient- or feel - clairsentience -, a passed relatives of yours it is now deemed to be entertainment only. So wording what I do has become a very tricky thing indeed.

My "gift" comes into play when doing mediumship work, as I suppose I don't feel that my gift is healing ,yes it is a gift to be doing the work and be "of service" to others, but I feel more that mediumship is were I seem to have some kind of ability.

I can be doing healing and yes very much pick up on things physical , but according to healing codes of conduct I'm not allowed to prescribe or diagnose from this sensing as I'm not a doctor. I can guide someone to may be see a GP or even just be careful in one area or another and again that's hard as there are so many layers of organs, muscle and tissue. I cant pretend to know the anatomy either. Well that is unless your laying there with a 6pack! I will not be claiming to cure , neither to eradicate any illness or diseases. I can tell you you will be relaxed , may sleep better or just feel calmer, if because of this you feel better or your disease coincidentally improves , I will not be able to say that it was due to my work. So yes I can say what I do is beneficial and enhancing for your life.

I may very well pick up on things to do with your personal life , but again ,as Ive been asked to do healing , then healing is what I will offer. Once I cross over into merging the two , then clients would just come on the pretext of healing and end up receiving a reading to , (and I'd have to charge a two for one offer!!!!). Yes I will be using the same energy to heal and do a reading , (when I say reading , I mean psychic - personal and about YOU- or clairvoyant and about linked passed relatives or friends), but I will try my hardest to keep them very separate. I hope to always work with integrity , so with regards to personal information ,(like you may be kissing someone who's not your boyfriend, or your mums a secret agent, or you haven't bathed for 4days !!!), I would keep it in the strictest confidence.

With regards to any psychiatry (ooh shiver!!) , I wouldn't want to go into those realms and don't even dare to, I'm probably more of a mess than they are!!!!!!!

Basically I just want to give you a bit of lurrving and not the touching kind!!!! Well may be your heart!

Becoming

Image care of Amazon.co.uk

Monique at escape hatch asked me a very good question last night and that was :

How did I become aware of my abilities.


I think its in many people , we just don't switch the button so to speak , well psychic abilities that is. Not every psychic can be a medium Ive been told, but every medium is psychic. Intuition being the 1st rung on that ladder and then simple little things like knowing exactly who's on the phone , even when its someone unexpected or hasn't phoned for a long time. I used to freak my sister out with this one!


I had always read books on this side of life starting in my teens , the 1st very influential book was an old copy of a Shirley McClain's called Out on a Limb . I just couldn't put it down, totally hooked I was on its contents. After that I went to great lengths to find all of her books in the series and the out of print books too, (remember Amazon, or for that matter the Internet, wasn't around then in the late 80's), so it was all the old book shops on Charing cross road , were I went to college at the time. After that I just started syphoning books of this type like crazy. You could say Ms Mclain was my main initial inspiration.





I found James Redfield Celestine Prophecy to be the next eye opener for me and strangely enough at the time , whenever on the underground or at work, virtually the whole carriage or canteen was reading it too. I think this may have been around 1994. My father had always been very sensitive to these things also , so I may have been influenced in that way too , to see other things besides our every day human existence. I have so many books on this subject I could start my own library , which all sounds great , but really is a symbol of my over indulgence in this area, but that's me all over , when I get a new thing, its obsessive to start with. Lately though I haven't found the same need for it all and the thought of reading so intensely now feels totally off key and a case of too much input. I'm living, seeing and feeling it more now rather than needing to know what its all about if you get my drift.




It sounds cliche , but as a child I started getting visions and dreams and odd things happening to me. I feel also I may have been guided somewhat by the other side so to speak , as in early 2000 I had a reading done in Sedona Arizona by a famous medium called Ray of Sedona , who suggested I would become a teacher/healer of sorts, but not in the normal sense. He said many things that came about and he said it would be in the next 5-6 years and yes those 5-6 years are right at this point in time. That trip was extremely synchronistic , as I had just started my own furniture design firm and my 1st big contract was sent to me the day before we left to go to Arizona. It was to design a dining and lounge range based on the early American Prairie and Arts and Crafts movement and weirdly the area we were staying in was the homestead of the Architect and designer Frank Lloyd wright and his Famed house Taliesin West. Without any prior information from me Ray of Sedona in my reading had mentioned clients, portfolios and art, working with wood and design!!!



One of the biggest catalysts was the challenging experience I had giving birth in 2003 and the aftermath. 3 months after cupcake was born I was diagnosed with post natal depression/PND , but it wasn't until I was pregnant with pickle more than 2yrs later that they realised I didn't have typical classic post natal depressive behaviour and later re diagnosed me with post traumatic stress disorder/PTSD, (due to incidences in the labour then birth, leading to hemorrhaging and then transfusion 24hrs later as my haemoglobin was dangerously low and I was critical). This is were I started getting the right help, although emotionally painful it was very transformative.



I don't really talk about it that much any more but it led me to find another way to think about how to live in this world and find some sense of coming together in my mind, body and spirit. At the 1st diagnoses of PND I put myself through about 8 months of hypnotherapy. In many ways I feel it opened up a portal , so to speak , to another world beyond this. The PND unfortunately brought on severe panic attacks and increased Agoraphobia and I just would not accept it becoming a permanent affliction . I feel in me the PTSD took low level every day anxieties and amplified them a thousand fold, although luckily I don't get the attacks any more , thanks to the hypnotherapy but you don't ever forget what they were like. An experience like that is so profound that there is no way you can be the same ever again , there was much talk about litigation at the neglectful treatment I was given in hospital , but to me it was more important to heal and gain strength , rather than put myself and the family through more distress. In a weird way looking back now I'm almost thankful for it. In strange way it has taught me a great deal about compassion , acceptance , judgment and inner power.

Luckily I sailed through my next birth in 2006, (sort of!), but this was aided by the use of Hypnobirthing , a form of self hypnosis and sequential breathing styles for each stage , as some of the trauma from the 1st birth had left its mark obviously and I had to find a way to deal with the impending ,(& terrifying to me), birth that I had no way of getting out of!! Despite having to clean up some of the debris of fears and anxieties about birthing , hospitals and anything medical , doing the hypnobirthing was a further level up the ladder in terms of being able to meditate and find quiet inner time , which was were the sense other things besides the here and the now became stronger . Three weeks before birth you listen to a specially designed hypnosis cd for preparation and its very much akin to guided meditation, so you could say I took a crash course! Through this work and the pre natal learning sessions I was able to see everything in such a different way , as a part of me had been unlocked and that part was were I found glimpses of my inner power and confidence within. For me the whole pre and post natal time was a very liberating and uplifting experience and it made me want to work with healing and helping others even more.

I have been asked to write about this part of my journey into motherhood before in order to help others , but have never been able to communicate it on paper. Ive only roughly skimmed the surface here of what happened , but this is the 1st time Ive been able to get it written in any way shape or form and be able to remain detached from it . I dont want to dredge too much of it up , but also I think my hesitation here is partly I feel there is more work to do on this area and also theres some fear to deal with regarding others responses to it.

In early 2007 I noticed the rate of coincidences coupled with strange electrical things happening at home increasing phenomenally and of course that piqued my interest even more. He the mans and I would be conversing on a random subject and keep seeing tv programmes or adverts totaly related show up right there and then. Every electrical gadget was either breaking or would just stop and start or even turn on unaided randomly. At one point every watch I wore just stopped and still every phone I get the battery dies within a few short months. Someone was trying to get a message to me any which way they could, as its when I joined my circle and my late Papa was coming through every week to different mediums. Its suggested that spirit do these things to get you to notice them and help steer you onto the right path. This is when I started getting all those hearts I have shown here on occasions . Well it certainly got my notice ,as he the mans even commented on all the weirdness and it made me think that may be I ought to start using my abilities more and shape my life in such a way that I can help and heal others.

Anyway essay over for now ! I didnt plan to answer a question via a post of epic proportions , but it must have needed to come out! Writing it here and now couldn't be more timely , as only a few days ago I ended my Reiki 2 21 day cleanse and this has given me a chance to take a look back at my experiences so far and see how far Ive come and how much Ive learnt and grown.

Remember a while back I needed some courage to explain myself , well this was what I needed it for . I thank you Monique for paving a little way on my journey so far.

Reiki cleanse day 8/21 and Im blue

Image care of Kathy McConnell at Reiki the healing path

Well its purple day actually (3rd eye) according to the Chakras and were I am in the number of days working through the body and I'm feeling quite out of sorts. Its quite normal post Reiki attunement to feel a great high and then with all the clearing of years of debris , to feel similar and familiar lulls and low ebbs in much the same way before any work has been done to cleanse. Its as if you have gone right back to the beginning again. In much the same way a counsellor of the Psychological kind has to go through several years of therapy before becoming a good therapist, doing healing and Reiki training so to speak encompasses almost a similar process but of the spiritual kind. Its just not always the most pleasant experience, as you start to relive old habits , old situations , but with new people and new circumstances. This web site explains it very well , and synchronistically is playing a very meaningful piece of music to me and says a lot to me about my path and were I am on it now!

I realise that unlike last time I’m not writing prolifically in my journal or for that matter here in the blog. I wanted to record every moment so as to see the changes, but I just haven’t felt like it. For one thing I need control my laptop time and secondly I've wanted to avoid the intense inner gazing I do inside my head non stop and this has prevented me from wanting to write on my blog and on here. Although Ive been able to write away non stop on my food blog , so I'm wondering what it is that I wish to avoid by writing here?

As the days pass and I come back to my journal with entries missed I can’t help but feel that I may be missing things that are crucial to my Reiki development and spiritual awareness. Although on the other hand if there is nothing of note, there is no point in recording it either, otherwise it will end up full of forced words and searched meanings, rather than a true account.

Ive had a low level headache for 2 days and yet I’ve rested more and gone to bed earlier than normal, uncharacteristically turning the laptop off at 10:30 last night. An old Sunday feeling of dread anticipating the week arose last night giving me an old familiar feeling like a gap, hole or empty pit in my centre feeling arose , call it what you will, I haven’t felt for some months and I’m not sure what it’s telling me.

Writing about my Reiki 2 day does lift me up a bit and I have at this point written a whole section on the days experience in my journal. I again don’t know why I’ve procrastinated about it, as it was a lovely and calming experience and very rewarding to feel such a change in my healing connection. I need to capture it as a reminder of what I need to do as there were many messages in my mediation. I don’t know if I will recall it all in the way it happened , as for the 1st time I'm finding it harder to extract information after a meditation , but as long as I get the essence of what was coming to me , I hope that will be enough as a reminder.

When its not so late and I can make sure its readable , I will post a summary of how the day went. Its not an easy feat , as much of what is told and shown in an attunement is meant to be kept sacred and private. So the art will be to get across the feel of it but not all the content!

This is where I bid all who come here a goodnight for now. I’m learning that I need to shut this laptop down before 12, otherwise Cinders rags show up!! Or rather Hana Mi's mind and body ends up like rags with lack of sleep!

after a special day I retire to slumber

I go to bed now ready to fully embark on my Reiki practitioner journey. Tomorrow is the start of my 2nd 21day cleansing ritual post Reiki attunement to level 2 today.

I opened my word journal again this evening, after a 40day ish break, to continue again the recording of the next steps for me in the direction of healer/counsellor.

This is were I need to sort out in my head this week were I record things. Do I divulge all my experiences here , or write it all out in my journal and then paste in the bits I can feel comfortable sharing? May be by writing I can help answer it in my stream of thought.

At the end of the main session we took it in turns to practise our new raised level of healing, having received visually all the sacred symbols to be used in our practise. After receiving Reiki healing myself today I felt much slowed down , wanting to be serene, quiet and take rest. I started the day wound up a bit like a cog, after some unusual events late last night, witnessing an attempted burglary at my parents home!

I have so much to say on my day’s experiences, but I feel I need to contain it a little longer and allow my head to rest and digest it all. I will then divulge all the days’ wonderful visions, happenings and emotions. The synchronicity was amazing and has to be recorded lest I forget!

Reiki 2 day today

I return once again to my mystical healing journey as today I will be training for my level 2 Reiki. I'm quite excited as this means that by UK law I can get my liability insurance and start practising as a healer legitimately.

What do I make of the last few months of my journey , well certainly for me , Reiki 1 has given me more clarity in readings, I more accurately come through with the correct information for my sitters , although with anyone , we always get some things wrong., that's being human and learning humbleness.

What mystical experiences can one have surrounded by synthetic rocks and waterfalls ? well sometimes they can surprise you , as one morning away , I took myself on a guided meditation to the temple of Akashic records.




I wish to expand on that experience later today , for now enjoy the link.

I need to get to my course this morning!!

Namaste to all

xx

Final Reiki clear out?

A little bit on my progress with Reiki cleansing

Ive come on today and realised that I haven't been on all week and since Monday have felt a bit distant. Ive hardly been able to come on here due to an ongoing situation with a client of mine and the case of a 2yr old order (nuff said!) , school education evening and of course my precious circle evening on Wednesday. Its been a struggle to write on my journal as will and since my last post ,Ive felt quite blah. I think as this is the penultimate day of cleansing (day 20 of 21) , Im thinking may be there's a final debris removal in the mind body spirit. Either that or I just can blame it on a stinking cold. All us girls have it in this house , pass the tissues!

It seems all my old issues have raised up , and made me think quite intensely about what it is I would like to do to feel better about things. Its amazing how much more aware I am of every living moment. I feel Im living immediate karma , although Im doubtful to that existing and think its more a state of mind. As soon as I think about what it is I need to work on in my life , something manifests that challenges it an gives me opportunities to re think my approach. The only thing is that in some cases Im holding onto the old way. Its not the easiest way to live & sometimes I just want to get drunk and be stupid and feel more carefree It certainly means I live more consciously and hope that it helps me when healing others, if I know how I operate my life. I am told a good healer is one that can empathise on a deep level of understanding and the only way is to experience many of the challenges that life offers to do this. I feel I have a great responsibility and dont want to be to indulgent in the self, but also I dont want to be a martyr to my cause , but likewise I need to live lighter I think.

May be a run naked in a field will do it?

What do you think?