New York Synchronicity

Ok so I haven't written in here again for some time and its simply that I haven't felt spiritual of late and I really didn't want to turn this into some Ive-heard-it-all before kind of boring blog that just makes people click straight out, are you the next one,I hope not!! Ive been avoiding writing , as Im a normal kind of gal , not a guru of anything , but a deep interest in many areas of life. Some of them very philosophical & important; Reiki , meditation and new science, to name but a few. Some of them just fun life ; gourmet food, movies , restaurants and of course fashion.

If your not clicking out right now, Im most humbled that you are reading about my life and experiences and my unsusual jumble. With spirituality , I feel it has to be spontaneous and not forced , so Im loathed to push things just to write about them otherwise for me it wont be from a real heartfelt place. With regards to my often spiritual hiatuses Im not sure if its all the layers of my current life ; As all of us mums, I juggle the hats I spoke of in the previous post : parenting duties, wifely duties, Reiki hospice work , Mediumship development work, mind work and also the continuing investigations into my eldest kidneys; they seem to like making themselves bigger and she likes her frequent visits to hospital for infections! Great Ormond St Hospital is my second home some weeks! With all this combined I think Ive just totally taken my eye off the spiritual orb!

So Ive gone to New York this weekend for our hedonists foody fashion 10yr wedding anniversary trip sans kidlets and Im minding my tomato juice and pretzel offerings at 30'000 ft along with my very intriguing new book called Kingdom of the Golden Dragon. It was around the 1st few pages that I started to notice a sudden series of synchronistic happenings. For the 1st time in months I had time to just be and in that space I suppose the messages of connection to all things came through. It seemed something or someone , (my higher self ?),wanted me to have a giggle and some joy come my way. I may have mentioned before that my belief system on synchronicity is that a) Ive been here before and Ive left some tree marks along the path (as in Home with God by Neale Donald Walsch ) or b) I'm in the right place at the right time and its very auspicious.

So there I am with my tom juice and some me time for some hours and Im on the 1st few pages of a magazine, now for some this may seem a bit frivolous and silly , but it was a sign, a shallow fashion sign , but a sign!: I went to great lengths before leaving for this trip to find the perfect shoe to match a dress Id taken for one of our evenings , a version of a louboutin shoe no less and as I turn the 1st page I open an image of the very shoe that mine had been modelled on. All the days previously I had searched high and lo online for this over and over!!

Black Gardenia Satin Platform

Barrats Online

Now many of you may be thinking nahhhhh cobblers -excuse the pun- how can that be anything of meaning or substance , but wait , this was the start of a cascade of little synchronicities that went on for the 4days I was there . I remember rushing after the 4th one to get some paper out of my bag , as I just had to start recording them. I knew with my sieve brain that I would not remember them! So here in order, if you wish to peruse, is the rest of them;

2) So Im watching something light and silly, sort of, with it being "Hes not that into you" , (how slow & painful is that film!!) and one of the main female characters, played by Jennifer Conolly, is having her house remodelled and there's a scene shot in the kitchen discussing the; will he, wont he call. Behind them was a wall of ovens and cupboards all covered in clear cellophane, a scene very familiar in my very own house a few weeks back!

Kitchen scene from "Hes not that into you". Image from OutNow-CH

3)One of the Characters names is Janine and the last person I spoke with before boarding was my friend of the same name!

4) As we're finally able to take our seat belts of , I notice a familiar face come towards the amenities , she looks exactly like the last patient I treated at the hospice. This patient had some very bad news and I havent seen her for some weeks now.

5) As we're landing in JFK and I mean coming down on the tarmac , I turn to chapter 3 of my book, the opening lines of which are ; "On the other side of the world, Alexander cold was arriving in New York"!



6) The morning after we land , we take a taxi across town for breakfast, as we stop and start through Soho we're talking about a Ted Baker dress Ive brought with and lo and behold on my right as we stop is that very shop! Now even he the mans noticed this one , and normally hes so not into these things at all!



7) So we've gone to Big Daddy's , as recommended by our hotel , for breakfast for our first full American breakfast fill up of the trip, (yes I eat a load of ole crapola sometimes)! As we're walking towards it on the corner we notice that we're right at the door of City Crab. This holds dear to he the mans and I, as it was the place of a very memorable night , (the night before he proposed!). We had a lovely evening together there more than 10yrs ago in New York! There is a picture in our conservatory of us there and we talked of it just before leaving. We had NO idea Big Daddy's was on the same road in the same area two doors down!

City Crab 2 doors from Big Daddy's

8) As were finishing our meal , I look over to a family of 3 who have been seated , I cant take my eyes of their little girl as she looks just like my littlest, but a few years older , its uncanny. So as we leave Im compelled to go over and say so , showing my mobile image of my two girls to them and they too are shocked at the resemblance. They ask where we're from , and we realise in conversation that last night we happen to have been on the same flight coming in from London!!

9) We were talking about going back to Miami at some point with our children and at the time we were taking a taxi accross town. Lo and behold we look up to see at that very moment a HUGE billboard of an advert for the Fontainebleau Miami! Ive subsequently found out that friends of my sisters are there this very minute!

10) On our last morning , we take a taxi to South Street Seaport and on the floor is some Taxi documents stating that this is cab no 8, my very very auspicious and lucky no!

11) As we eat breakfast there , I look over to find directly across from me is a Jewellery stand called HANAMI, the name I use on here!!



12) Now this one is a little bit tenuous , but never the less it was a near almost ish connection . So Im continuing my book and I come upon another chapter. This time the characters are landing in NYC at 5:45 , and as it so happens weve just landed in LONDON (ok heres where we loose some of the connection) and JUST stopped at the gate at 4:45!



and there we are , you may think many of this happen chance, Ive made them up or that anyone can read and link anything together that they wish to connect to their lives , but it was their juxtaposition in such a short space of time that blew me away.



Whats your take on these events? How do you feel about these co joined happenings in your own life? When do you most notice them?

Life changing spiritual books, have you read one lately?

Image from Gurusoftware

See Ive always been one to go searching and searching for books, books and more books. When I'm in a groove , ill suck them up like a hoover on coke! But I have one proviso now when book hunting ; that they leap out at me and say , "you must must read me" , otherwise I just feel its not meant for me (that leap out looks very much like someones turned the saturation button up on the colours of the front cover). Although recently I picked up Eat Pray Love in an Airport shop and I just had to buy it , despite putting it back several times on the shelf , (as I had taken 3 new books already & by the way I still haven't started) . I'm halfway and so far I'm really enjoying it. Its one of those books I look forward to going to bed for so I can get down into it. Until this book, that resonance hasn't happened for some time. One theory from my teacher is that Ive done enough input work , now I need to output, do the practicals.

I tend to have a few of them ,(well quite a few stacked by my bed on the floor and often when tidying I just sit and thumb through them). The main one in my recent past that has done that bam thing for me was Home with God and it blew my mind.

I remember going on the underground the day I finished it and had the most amazing experience. Yer I know , like how can travelling on the underground in London be amazing when you've been doing it for over 20 years. It was like I suddenly saw and felt what is was all about. I had this overwhelming feeling and its so hard to put it into words here, but I will try;

I suddenly felt that oneness with everything and saw through the illusions. Sitting there on the platform in the subdued light, I felt a connectedness and a wonder and I couldn't stop staring at everyone around me. It felt so surreal , and yet amazing all at the same time. I felt small and yet I felt joined. For that brief few minutes I expanded my consciousness beyond the layers of the tunnels, tarmac, road and tubing. It uplifted me out of myself and I felt joy without any need, energy without outside stimulus and a calm that came unfettered. I cant remember beyond this, but I think I was able to tap it briefly for a few weeks after. It was if I was allowed a brief window into our existence but the window wasn't opened for long for its energy was so powerful to comprehend.

Apart from climbing to the top of Angels Landing in Zion Canyon many years ago and riding a horse alone in Monument valley for an afternoon , Id say that this was very oddly one of the most amazing mystical moments of my life! Thats right , down on the dark , smelly, crazy busy London Underground!

So if you have one spiritual book that you felt really changed your thoughts and feelings on life , or made you fizz with recognition and gave you inspiration, new intentions or new ways to be , what was that?

Precipice

I think when I 1st set this blog out, I was full of summer sun hope. Now the days are dark and short , I seem to be wallowing in a pity party or just possibly have the condition SAD going on?What comes with this pity party is a feeling that somehow I'm a fake - How can I be spiritual and talk of inner peace and calm and yet inside I'm feeling inner turmoil? How can I look after others and care for them if I don't get my own house in order? The thing Is I do want to get it in order ,dig up the foundations and re do them, but I cant see who too turn too to help me with it.

The other thought is ,how much do I disclose here before this space goes from "being in the light" to gradually standing in the dark looking into a big black gaping hole? It then self perpetuates , what you focus on is what grows doesn't it?

So how to share the whats going down here, but not the how I got here?

Whats going down? That's been a question of mine for many years , its the reason I took the road less travelled, finding a way to ride the storms I find with emotions and mind tricks. The problem is I'm having guilt in being human and not always feeling so spiritual. Guilt associated with having feelings that are less than peaceful and doing things that are basically not good for my soul, mind or my body.

I wrote the above about 7 days ago and its been a very strange time of roller coaster feelings and behaviour some days I'm surrounded by others but feel I'm in some glass box , were no one can see me or they do, but cant penetrate the surface to me inside.

In that time I have sought some help and hopefully will find some relief in that, although it may take some weeks to come about. I finally owned up to the things Ive been doing to sabotage myself to my parents and they have been checking on me every day since, I cant say more than that right now and I know I'm talking in code and being vague , but I'm holding several of my cards to chest here until I see fit to disclose more when I'm in a place to .

Ive been more open with some of the people around me, well within boundaries that is . Ive learnt some hard lessons the last few weeks ; firstly I'm learning for once In my life I don't have to tell all and sundry what I'm about and why, although unfortunately it can just come off as a vibe and secondly be careful who you share with for not everyone has the capacity for more than a surface kind of interaction and not everyone will safeguard your heart and being , not everyone wants to , and why should they.

May be this is a lesson in self forgiving , in being able to have low ebbs and know I'm still a great human being , still have something to give and still caring about others. I know some in this world will see me as flaky or a bit subdued right now, (I tell you the playground school run is trench warfare), but I know I will come through this again as I have done in the past, Ive been down further than this and come back again. I know what I'm about and if others don't see my heart and soul for what it is , then I cant do anything about that.

Despite this , some people around me have stepped up and stepped closer (whilst many have stepped away) and may be they are the main ones to concentrate on for now ,for aqquantances are fun , but when the chips are down ...................................yada yada. My work at my now closed development circle goes from strength to strength , although the good work I do , I feel, is more to do with the universal presence's/beings/spirits that help me rather than my doing.

Could all of this be a part of my re boot !??

I just want to say a thank you to the universal sources that are still with me and continue to want to work with me. I'm privileged to be able to do this work. Its what holds me in so many ways, it is as the cliche says , a lightness in the the dark . (I feel I'm making an acceptance speech, shine those oscars, theres one with my name on it!!).

Isnt it amazing how cathartic writing is.

Namaste

x

Guided by spirit?

I really feel sometimes I have to get my life on track and give it direction and purpose. That's on some days , on others I like it just flowing were it needs to go and roll the waves. Not having to be anywhere except school and nursery runs and just being mum sometimes suits my stress level limits and yes I also get enjoyment just from that, just being mum ! I say just being mum , thats a whole layered life that not all people think happen, a great book I found that validated my very little life was this : What mothers do , Especially When It Looks Like Nothing!

Every now again significant markers show up on my path and say to me , hang on, there's something you need to do, something inside that's moving me somewhere else.

A few months back I contacted a Hospice local to school. Id been in touch with the manager several times about being a Reiki Volunteer and she seemed very keen , saying that they didnt have someone currently and that not many people come forward. She made me aware that she was leaving and new person was to take over. My details were to be passed on. Weeks passed and I contacted them again. This time new manager answered , he know nothing of me , not a good sign. Suddenly he has a therapy room manager and no room for anyone else to do Reiki. I don't know if this is ego (mine and hers) or just a feeling or a signal that this wasn't the right direction , but the therapy manager irked me somewhat. Her main state of play was that SHE did the reiki and didn't need anyone else, but I could just come in and help out with various other activities . This , as altruistic as it may be , just didn't connect, Ive trained for Reiki , I want to give Reiki , I have a route to pass on healing, I just have to do it. I felt a huge block and a feeling of discomfort around my interaction with this person. An application came in from her in my inbox, I started to fill it out and then just had to stop. I couldn't do it. So it was shelved so to speak.

Were was I to go, my time is limited , I have only mornings to do anything and cant go to far from nursery , otherwise I eat into my useful time travelling. Everything went on pause.

I continued to go to circle and do my development.

I was aware of a hospice down the road from my house , but for some reason I had vaguely dismissed it, (10 minutes drive back from nursery) but it was always in the back of my mind.

Suddenly a new person turned up at circle and lo and behold she works as a volunteer at the very Hospice down the road from me and also they had just lost a volunteer therapist.

See Im new on this path of inner belief , so its taken me some weeks to gather myself up into a more confident ball and throw it at the newness of this all. I took myself down there a couple of weeks back and introduced myself after this lovely new person at circle had put a word in for me.

My ideal was to do this work on Monday as a good start to the week, and also I could only work up till 11:30. So what sessions did they have available for patients? Yes , the very day and time I had been thinking was ideal! There and then she handed me the paperwork and hoped to see me again.

Im still in the space of : can I do this and will I be able to make a difference???? Its a whole new world for me. I will be dealing with patients who are terminal , my intensely emotional self , doesn't yet know how this will feel. Or what will be brought up. Its quite a big turn for me , having been treated for serious Post traumatic stress disorder related to medical experiences only 2-3 years ago. Why in my life do I always turn to look at the face of my demons? My original career went against the shy quiet type I may have been labelled as, and this , wellllll who would have known that the once me that would have a panic attack sitting in a hospital is now planning to sit at the head of a patient and look after them?

So Im now up to the stage of getting this horse out of the stable and giving something of myself back to others. I have yet to fill in forms , (thats a whole other new challenge, merging the old business me and the new me in an up to date CV) and get all sorts of insurance and police checks , but I hope by the end of the year things will have moved forward somewhat. I have yet to find my old CV on some external hardrive, its very London office (or Recruitmet agency)styleeee and not been updated for some time. I have to get this all done tout suite and feel Im harnessing the opportunity as soon as I can. Its a must, but my old ego head is slowing it down.

Is it a plan or an intention and if I dont seize it now, what will I miss? Will an intention work better than a goal or a dream. I hope so, it feels as if its all waiting for me , these things happening , as if jigswa peices have been slotted in , are not just happen chance. Will I be given a hand to organise it all and make it fit into place all the more easily, are they listening up there?!!!!!!

Think I have to get my cosmic order book out again ?!

Image care of Nicholas Arwin of Enhanced perceptions, amazing "visonary Art" site.