Mandala healing

Dark mustard represents an over active core chakra or blockage.

Last year I was asked to take the circle class and as I had just found out about Mandala's from here and had mentioned earlier one circle evening, it was a case of be careful what you wish for (being the Leo that I am and liking being the teacher and not the student), as there and then I was asked to do a mini workshop on the very subject the week after!!!!

At first the old tapes me started to panic at the prospect of creating a workshop in 7days and then the new me said no problem ,let the universal energy flow and it will too. In 2 days I had compiled a 10 page presentation! See I knew being a buyer would come in handy later in in my real incarnation!!!

Today as I was completing my post about wanting to hear from readers on Reiki cleansing and life development, I mentioned the Solar plexus. So inspired I decided to do a quick PowerPoint mandala - as seen above . Its quite easy just to play around with the computer shapes & lines , changing shades and making them transparent to add visible layers. Once done,drag your cursor over the whole thing , click to copy, paste into Paint and save as , et voila , your very own image of your Mandala as a whole.

Apart from creating the mandala this afternoon, I realised during the process, that it seems , from the very dark mustard yellow and the almost intense jagged layers , that I have a bit of a clogged up solar plexus centre from far to much input! I think some Reiki healing is in order!

If you would like to know more about Mandalas I will be posting sections of the workshop here I designed, including my first experiments with laptop mandalas, as much as I love paint on paper , sometimes I just want to get the ideas and impressions out really quickly , but yet very geometrically :

This is taken from the 1st 2 sections:

This evening you will learn a very special and different way to access your inner soul through art.
You will learn about Mandalas and a little of their history
You will also learn about how they look and how different they can be and how many forms they can take
This evening you will experience creating your 1st one (of several, they are addictive !!) and see were it takes you and how it makes you feel
There are no hard rules , just get some paper , colours, rulers, compass, you & some universal flow !!!

Experience , enjoy and share

Namaste

Mandalas is Sanskrit for circle or completion, or “concentric energy circle” , these images were created inside a box or circle , both or any given shape that the creator wishes to use. Hindu in origin , but used in many Dharmic religions.
Many show shapes and forms that repeat all the way round , flowing into a focal point Known as a Bindu. This is used to help the trance , meditative state .
Often used as a form of communication through oneself to others. Mayans used the sacred geometry of Mandalas for temples and on their calendars or sacred rounds (also known as as a Tzolkin see image below)

Mandalas to me are a visual meditative tool to get into the soul or essence of ones self. Combining meditation , divination and revelation.

Look out for the next section , coming soon.

In the meantime let me know if you've had a play with Mandalas yourself. Feel free to share them here.

Namaste

Life changing spiritual books, have you read one lately?

Image from Gurusoftware

See Ive always been one to go searching and searching for books, books and more books. When I'm in a groove , ill suck them up like a hoover on coke! But I have one proviso now when book hunting ; that they leap out at me and say , "you must must read me" , otherwise I just feel its not meant for me (that leap out looks very much like someones turned the saturation button up on the colours of the front cover). Although recently I picked up Eat Pray Love in an Airport shop and I just had to buy it , despite putting it back several times on the shelf , (as I had taken 3 new books already & by the way I still haven't started) . I'm halfway and so far I'm really enjoying it. Its one of those books I look forward to going to bed for so I can get down into it. Until this book, that resonance hasn't happened for some time. One theory from my teacher is that Ive done enough input work , now I need to output, do the practicals.

I tend to have a few of them ,(well quite a few stacked by my bed on the floor and often when tidying I just sit and thumb through them). The main one in my recent past that has done that bam thing for me was Home with God and it blew my mind.

I remember going on the underground the day I finished it and had the most amazing experience. Yer I know , like how can travelling on the underground in London be amazing when you've been doing it for over 20 years. It was like I suddenly saw and felt what is was all about. I had this overwhelming feeling and its so hard to put it into words here, but I will try;

I suddenly felt that oneness with everything and saw through the illusions. Sitting there on the platform in the subdued light, I felt a connectedness and a wonder and I couldn't stop staring at everyone around me. It felt so surreal , and yet amazing all at the same time. I felt small and yet I felt joined. For that brief few minutes I expanded my consciousness beyond the layers of the tunnels, tarmac, road and tubing. It uplifted me out of myself and I felt joy without any need, energy without outside stimulus and a calm that came unfettered. I cant remember beyond this, but I think I was able to tap it briefly for a few weeks after. It was if I was allowed a brief window into our existence but the window wasn't opened for long for its energy was so powerful to comprehend.

Apart from climbing to the top of Angels Landing in Zion Canyon many years ago and riding a horse alone in Monument valley for an afternoon , Id say that this was very oddly one of the most amazing mystical moments of my life! Thats right , down on the dark , smelly, crazy busy London Underground!

So if you have one spiritual book that you felt really changed your thoughts and feelings on life , or made you fizz with recognition and gave you inspiration, new intentions or new ways to be , what was that?

Enough about me for now (well at least this post!!)

Pontoon Bridge image almost as seen in attunment

Etchu Province, Toyama, Pontoon

Care of Castle fine arts

I need to hear from you , my readers out there. Ive noticed that many readers come here after google searching for Reiki cleansing. So Id like to hear how your cleansing experiences have gone; are you finding even way past the 21 days , months even , that you are becoming more self aware? That every living experience is noticed much more in fine detail? Is your life lighter or has it made you feel you've sunk a bit into sludge, created by years of burying pain? Are you questioning your way of life more ? Do relationships suddenly seem more in the spotlight? Are you self healing every day? Do you do every hand position or just one on the centre of the body? Or even has it had no effects at ll? Id really like to know.

Also did you write a cleansing diary and if so have you looked back at it , whats changed, if anything? Has your life since Reiki taken you down a new path? See now Im thinking ahhhhhhh , I must go and look at mine.

Ive been talking a lot about myself , my self development and the things I do to pull myself from darky avenue. What I want to know is how others keep themselves balanced and light. The Reiki way of life can completely change your aspect on things , so kind of like best practise at work , whats been working for you?

Oh and even if you haven't done Reiki , but some other life development work, and some of the questions above relate , then Id like to hear about that too.

Its always good to share others experiences , and the things that you benefit from. I'm sure we can all learn something new from others and a different approach is always great even if its something simple. I remember talking with circle friends about self healing, sometimes at bed time , I'm really not in the mood for doing every hand movement and this meant that I actually didn't do it on several nights. One of the others girls suggested just working on the solar plexus chakra, so now, (when I remember), I just lay my hand there, do what I need (being the sacred symbols that I try not to disclose if I can help it) and let it do its thing.

Namaste x

Massage my dosha more, baby!

Image courtesy of The Telegraph , Sequoia spa foot ritual

I was extremely lucky to have been sent to a Spa last week , an indulgence only taken on once a year, but he the mans booked it as a surprise, he, even if I don't, will often see when I need to do these things. It was at The Sequoia spa at The Grove that I had a very much needed escape for the day . Although I didn't easily relent to the relaxing decadent time offered completely! Trust me , I need to be whacked over the head with a mallet to shut off and give in! Its one of the reasons why I think I end up so frazzled and out of balance as I don't think I look after myself like this enough. Instead of relaxing I spent the whole day thoroughly intrigued by my therapists career journey and training! I was fascinated and found it really inspiring and couldn't stop asking her question after question!

I'm in no way sponsored by Espa and this is going to sound like a paid sales pitch , but my most favourite products are the Espa ones , being all natural and smelling amazing. This Spa is one of their main flagships, so all of the latest products and spa treatments are on offer. Ive been once before when they first opened for a day spa and never forgot how I was treated and looked after; it really was very special and nurturing experience and I was looking forward to that succumbing again.

The main bases for the Espa therapies is combining holistic, Ayurvedic and eastern philosophies with modern treatments. Within 5 minutes of consultation, (during the "foot ritual" seen in the image above) , my therapist had correctly worked out my Dosha or personal constitution type out of 3 :

Vata = Air & Ether - controlling movement

Pitta= Water & Fire - controlling metabolism

Kapha = Earth & Fire - controlling structure

With mine currently being Vata , she tailored the whole days treatments based on what would balance a Vata type : I was warmed , soothed and comforted with all sorts of oils, body wraps, lotions and potions, all chosen specifically to my sensory and sensual needs and likes . It was hard in parts to hold back the tears of emotions rising up , but I wanted to save those for after and just enjoy!

After a lovely peaceful lunch and a lay down in the womb like relaxation rooms (all aubergine velvet, moving beds, blankets and personal spa music, oh and the most lovely warm tea tonic !) , my face was stroked , my arms were rubbed and my hands wiggled until I just had to give in. So when the words "Mrs Mi your treatment is now over" at 4pm were quietly and calmly stated , I sighed a sigh inside wishing it could go on and on, as it had taken all day to get to this stage!!!

The effect by the end of the day was one blissed out Hana Mi , its a me that I need to remember when in the throes of any negative risings as it seemed to seep into every atom of my being. Ive bought some of the products from the day , not all , otherwise Id have needed to remortgaged, but I will be using them to help remind me of the feeling of relaxation as the smells will do much of the evoking work for me. I may have done much much more when my girls were spirits in the sky, but now its even more essential!

I remember several years ago The Body Shop did a whole series on Ayurvedic Doshas and specific products designed in line with Wild Earth . They were the first to offer these types of products commercially. I remember buying them in the sales when they were going to discontinue the range (and being very upset they were going as the body spray tonics were lovely) , the smells and textures designed for Vata were spot on for my tastes and they were really special products. They seemed so correct that back then I had very good evidence in the belief of Ayurvedic treatments. One I think I will be pursuing to add to my toolbox so to speak and use in my private practise on clients/patients in the future. Its quite exciting to re visit something again that I hadn't looked at for a long time and really take it on board, understand it properly and hopefully do some therapy courses for it to use it effectively.

Ive been unclear as to which way to take my practise of holistic therapies , having trained only in Reiki for now and going through the intense healing patch I'm experiencing ,I'm realising I need to take things very slowly. Its something I have to work hard to do as I like to take something and run with it immediately, bombarding myself , my life and my brain and never feeling quite proficient (sort of jack of all trades and master of none!).

My hospice position for a Reiki practitioner has now come through which is very important for me in my life changing course and I will start that in mid January 09 for a few hours every week. For the next few months I will let this be the simple road I travel, it will be a great learning experiencing for me and allow me to build confidence in what I'm doing. Eventually when ready to make additions to my treatments, I will start to learn other holistic therapies more intensely.

Simplicity is key and I need to take that on board if I'm to stay balanced for now. I will have to stop myself taking on more and more information , as it can be very exciting, but something in my life is telling me that this is not the best way to go right now. I need sameness , consistency and grounding right now.

Oh and meanwhile take a look at these online Dosha quiz's; One from Deepak Chopra's web site and another from "Whats your Dosha, baby" author Lissa Coffey’s . See I cant help myself! but then I see it as a benefit right now to know a little about who and what I am myself and what I can do for well being as these web sites have some great tips on self treatments.

I have too much Vata in the body and too much Pita in the mind!

and on that note , I also need to come away from the laptop and shut down my head for a while before bed time. Since the Spa day all Ive wanted to do is lay down and snuggle in a blanket!

Ive got to start listening to this body more hey!

ni ni all

Namaste

x

Cleansing wheels

Today for the 1st time in weeks I awoke feeling more uplifted , like my energy had shifted and some of the debris & detritus had been removed over the last few days. I don't know if its acceptance from others around me of the real me or the fact that the real me and the social facade me have come together and I can start being a more authentic person rather than the fractured splintered version.

I spent this weekend taking time to be just at home being quiet and tidying and not really doing much. I spend most days , full on , rushing here and there and I think Im finally having to say to things and people and expectations ENOUGH!

I also have just let out any of the emotional pains and negative thoughts that have been held tight inside the little protective boxes we all like to shelve deep within us. It wasn't all pretty and I ended up blubbing a lot the last 3 days like a 5yr old!! Whilst having a blub feels messy and painful , it felt good to have let it leave my space and the tight containment Ive put on it all. He the mans has actually surprised me and been extremely supportive ; listening , helping at home and with my cupcake and pickle. Hes even booked me for a full spa day of calming and soothing rituals. Its a real treat as the last one I did was over 5 years ago!! I need to make full use of whats on offer and hopefully relax and really give into it and allow it.

I still have to battle the demons that I touched upon in my previous post and yesterday marked the the new path of that work in my healing with my therapy assessment. I think many more little boxes (and not so little , but well wrapped and hidden boxes) , will need opening and clearing through. A bit like when you do the cupboards out , (you know the ones were you horde everything and anything and it all falls out when you open the door). It all gets into a bit of a mess before it can be re organised , but then after all that hard work of sifting through and a "do I need this anymore?" , It starts to then look all wonderfully tidy and neat again, this time with much less clutter around!

Mondays class was all about feeling Universal energy as powerfully as possibly , this meant working on deep hatha style breathing and imagining the light coming into our bodies very slowly (making it stop at each chakra, breathing deeply several times and drawing it in to that point to really feel its presence) , from our feet up to our crowns. We then went on further to clear our body minds and spirits with cleansing wheels. It may sound all tree huggy and hippy , but experiencing the effects of the wheel through you can be really powerful :

Visualise a huge cart wheel , see it glowing like a huge white vibrating light around you. See all its spokes going right through your whole body , see it starting at your base chakra. Imagine it spinning around you as fast as you can and as it spins , see it removing the pains and difficult emotions of the day. See them flying out beyond the spokes and disappearing into vapour. Gradually see it go up through each chakra and repeat the process. Notice how it feels at certain parts , does it move freely , does it stop and feel stuck ? Do you feel any physical feelings during this exercise? I did , I felt sick sick sick, but its all good , it means its doing its work and the effects don't last too long after. It may continue to do its work for a few days after and it may bring up some emotions , but allow them to rise , release and flow away. You can go up or down again to the same chakra if you feel it needs concentration. Its something you can do ever week , whilst watching TV , sitting in the car at the red lights or in a ritualised start to a deep meditation.

The purpose of all this?

Its so I can be of better service to myself , my family and those I endeavour to support via Reiki and mediumship. Our teacher that night likened our bodies to a water pipe , and when blocked our energy cannot flow free, our work will be harder as will the flow of water. So the more we cleanse , clear out and remove whats not needed the better channels we can be as messengers, aiding others through their own healing from whatever that may be.

Namaste

x

Precipice

I think when I 1st set this blog out, I was full of summer sun hope. Now the days are dark and short , I seem to be wallowing in a pity party or just possibly have the condition SAD going on?What comes with this pity party is a feeling that somehow I'm a fake - How can I be spiritual and talk of inner peace and calm and yet inside I'm feeling inner turmoil? How can I look after others and care for them if I don't get my own house in order? The thing Is I do want to get it in order ,dig up the foundations and re do them, but I cant see who too turn too to help me with it.

The other thought is ,how much do I disclose here before this space goes from "being in the light" to gradually standing in the dark looking into a big black gaping hole? It then self perpetuates , what you focus on is what grows doesn't it?

So how to share the whats going down here, but not the how I got here?

Whats going down? That's been a question of mine for many years , its the reason I took the road less travelled, finding a way to ride the storms I find with emotions and mind tricks. The problem is I'm having guilt in being human and not always feeling so spiritual. Guilt associated with having feelings that are less than peaceful and doing things that are basically not good for my soul, mind or my body.

I wrote the above about 7 days ago and its been a very strange time of roller coaster feelings and behaviour some days I'm surrounded by others but feel I'm in some glass box , were no one can see me or they do, but cant penetrate the surface to me inside.

In that time I have sought some help and hopefully will find some relief in that, although it may take some weeks to come about. I finally owned up to the things Ive been doing to sabotage myself to my parents and they have been checking on me every day since, I cant say more than that right now and I know I'm talking in code and being vague , but I'm holding several of my cards to chest here until I see fit to disclose more when I'm in a place to .

Ive been more open with some of the people around me, well within boundaries that is . Ive learnt some hard lessons the last few weeks ; firstly I'm learning for once In my life I don't have to tell all and sundry what I'm about and why, although unfortunately it can just come off as a vibe and secondly be careful who you share with for not everyone has the capacity for more than a surface kind of interaction and not everyone will safeguard your heart and being , not everyone wants to , and why should they.

May be this is a lesson in self forgiving , in being able to have low ebbs and know I'm still a great human being , still have something to give and still caring about others. I know some in this world will see me as flaky or a bit subdued right now, (I tell you the playground school run is trench warfare), but I know I will come through this again as I have done in the past, Ive been down further than this and come back again. I know what I'm about and if others don't see my heart and soul for what it is , then I cant do anything about that.

Despite this , some people around me have stepped up and stepped closer (whilst many have stepped away) and may be they are the main ones to concentrate on for now ,for aqquantances are fun , but when the chips are down ...................................yada yada. My work at my now closed development circle goes from strength to strength , although the good work I do , I feel, is more to do with the universal presence's/beings/spirits that help me rather than my doing.

Could all of this be a part of my re boot !??

I just want to say a thank you to the universal sources that are still with me and continue to want to work with me. I'm privileged to be able to do this work. Its what holds me in so many ways, it is as the cliche says , a lightness in the the dark . (I feel I'm making an acceptance speech, shine those oscars, theres one with my name on it!!).

Isnt it amazing how cathartic writing is.

Namaste

x

Stuck

Will find inspiration and come back to this space!

Above is the sentence I put on here about 2 weeks ago, saved it to my edit posts menu with a blank page and have only come back to it today!!!


Before that I had a whole two paragraphs written in this space and found that I just couldn't post them and wiped them off as the content was all about some personal things happening socially. I don't know what that says about my integrity , but hey I'm being honest right now in the fact that Ive been drawing a blank since mid October in what to write here.


Despite this "writers block", or rather "what do I share with readers block", Ive had lots of varied life experience things going on : Much of those "personal things" had to do with friendships, trust and uneasy human interactions, some with my closed development circle and all the amazing phenomena we've been experiencing there, (which I'll share at another time when my words flow more freely) and some to do with my little girls and their growth. I know it all seems a bit vague but I'm needing some more time to digest the last few weeks and find a way of moving forward and learning from things whilst staying positive and not hurting myself in the process. I work every day balancing how I'm treated and how to treat others and its not always easy.


A good friend across the pond suggested I shut this down and start a fresh somewhere else , which might be a good idea considering all things. The only thing is I invested a lot of time and thought into this space and its design and I don't feel ready to move on from it. Its just something to consider as I don't think I can be as open as I would like here.

I also think this blog needs to have more of a USP to keep it fresh and vibrant. It would be good to get some ideas on how to progress this space and make it feel purposeful or just even a bit more spontaneous and freer. I need to do a bit of work chewing on some new material and revisiting the many notebooks and lists I keep, for this feels like the equivalent of tires going round and round in mud and I don't like it!!!!

I'm hoping that things will just sort of happen to get this moving again and normally it just does. I almost need to do the Internet version of a sage cleansing, ( now that might make for some good material?)!! Its possible that spirit have stepped back again as I'm known to try and juggle every plate going and then add some more, but lately its been much harder to keep it all going.

If anyone's got any ideas, that would be a great!!!

If you stay here whilst I sort of re boot a bit, that would be fab. I'm hoping its just another of my glitches in the programming !!!

Namaste to all those who visit here

Hana Mi

Wow 1000+ visitors to my blog !!!

Its official, Ive had over 1000 visitors yeeeahhhhhhhh, I know thats nothing compared to many in this ere blog world , but for me in my world , its kind of cool ! I'm also waaaay past my blogs half birthday!

I think firstly I'd like to say hi to those who come here , I hope you stay and visit often and secondly Thank you , if you've stayed around to read this space, well done to you, you deserve a gold star for reading !!! It would be great to hear from you (even if you stumbled upon here by accident ) and I hope that some of you who drop by will leave some messages, as its great to hear from those who read my minds wanderings!

Soooo how do I mark this occasion ? Anyone have any ideas???? Id love to know how Im doing here , if theres a subject someone would like me to discuss or indeed if anyone has questions, I'll do my best to answer.

Right now my life is at a crossroads , my application has been handed in for Reiki volunteering to be seen by the Hospice board of trustees , my professional Indemnity insurance to be sorted this week and I'm in limbo , waiting at the bus depot , wanting to be on my way!!! I shall be soon I feel, but in the meantime I need to do things that are a help, give my life a bit more texture and get me by . I also need to find ways to really boost my energy , (well apart from having earlier or undisturbed nights and 6 am starts!) , as it fluctuates like a yo yo.

Here are a few things that have been happening ;

I have had some little synchronicities in a cluster and several with regards to a teeny little book I keep by my bedside and have had for many years . I use it as a sort of book of answers before bedtime, by asking "what is it I need to know? " and then opening it !! Its called Women Power and each page is an idea or action on how to deal with different aspects of life . Each time Ive opened it randomly lately the theme of the pages has directly related to the thoughts and ideas at that very time! It may seem generalised but the timing in relation to the goings on has been spot on. I like to think spirit is helping to say : "yes Hana Me , you are going in the right directions, keep on , keep on". Sort of like an employers appraisal!!!!

My little cupcake has been a little troubled of late as you may know from previous posts. An idea I had recently to help her think of things she enjoys , was to create her a Happy list, but as she doesn't write or read properly we thought it should be pictorial and also have short descriptions so she can try word recognition . When I happened to open the book that night , lo and behold it opened at the pages suggesting that a good way to stay positive is to write an appreciation list!

He the mans and I these days seem to be ships passing in the night : both busy with our daily lives ,both out on different evenings, not spending much quality time together , hardly having any time to catch up , so as normal one night last week after a particularly bickery grumpy evening together . Id mentioned that we seem distant of late. I opened the book and the page I came to immediately was called "get him to talk it over" and was all about getting your man to open up about things. This with he the mans isn't the easiest endeavour as hes very straight and a keep it to yourself kinda guy , but reading that just reminded me that we need to have some heart to heart time, Ill break him in gently and see!

Another time very recently was my mini crisis of motherhood last week , especially in concern with little cupcake , it came to loggerheads and I wasn't sure what to do or how to change things for the better for her, or us as a family . I again retired to bed and thought for a few minutes, opened the book and it was a section on respecting motherhood and remembering statements about doing our best and no mother is perfect. Funnily enough the same time I was given a tip by a mummy friend on how to handle night time worries for a child , a way to give recognition of fears and distract all at the same time . I tried it this weekend and it seems to have worked wonders, we had a marked improvement.

I will close out for now , as both of my girls are quiet in bed and my body is asking for some relaxation time away from the screen.

I leave you with this from the Gaia Community :

In shamanistic cultures, synchronicities are considered to be teachings as well
as sign indicating where one should focus one’s attention, such correspondences
demonstrate the usually hidden links between the individual psyche and the
larger world. Synchronicities express themselves through chance meetings and
natural events as well as in dreams and supernatural episodes – for instance,
among the Secoya
shamans, a dream of seeing yourself in the mirror suggests that you will soon
encounter a jaguar in the rain forest. Shamans see such temporal conjunctions as
essential aspects of reality, revealing its ultimately dreamlike and magical
qualities.

Daniel Pinchbeck
Source: 2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl, Page: 45

Guided by spirit?

I really feel sometimes I have to get my life on track and give it direction and purpose. That's on some days , on others I like it just flowing were it needs to go and roll the waves. Not having to be anywhere except school and nursery runs and just being mum sometimes suits my stress level limits and yes I also get enjoyment just from that, just being mum ! I say just being mum , thats a whole layered life that not all people think happen, a great book I found that validated my very little life was this : What mothers do , Especially When It Looks Like Nothing!

Every now again significant markers show up on my path and say to me , hang on, there's something you need to do, something inside that's moving me somewhere else.

A few months back I contacted a Hospice local to school. Id been in touch with the manager several times about being a Reiki Volunteer and she seemed very keen , saying that they didnt have someone currently and that not many people come forward. She made me aware that she was leaving and new person was to take over. My details were to be passed on. Weeks passed and I contacted them again. This time new manager answered , he know nothing of me , not a good sign. Suddenly he has a therapy room manager and no room for anyone else to do Reiki. I don't know if this is ego (mine and hers) or just a feeling or a signal that this wasn't the right direction , but the therapy manager irked me somewhat. Her main state of play was that SHE did the reiki and didn't need anyone else, but I could just come in and help out with various other activities . This , as altruistic as it may be , just didn't connect, Ive trained for Reiki , I want to give Reiki , I have a route to pass on healing, I just have to do it. I felt a huge block and a feeling of discomfort around my interaction with this person. An application came in from her in my inbox, I started to fill it out and then just had to stop. I couldn't do it. So it was shelved so to speak.

Were was I to go, my time is limited , I have only mornings to do anything and cant go to far from nursery , otherwise I eat into my useful time travelling. Everything went on pause.

I continued to go to circle and do my development.

I was aware of a hospice down the road from my house , but for some reason I had vaguely dismissed it, (10 minutes drive back from nursery) but it was always in the back of my mind.

Suddenly a new person turned up at circle and lo and behold she works as a volunteer at the very Hospice down the road from me and also they had just lost a volunteer therapist.

See Im new on this path of inner belief , so its taken me some weeks to gather myself up into a more confident ball and throw it at the newness of this all. I took myself down there a couple of weeks back and introduced myself after this lovely new person at circle had put a word in for me.

My ideal was to do this work on Monday as a good start to the week, and also I could only work up till 11:30. So what sessions did they have available for patients? Yes , the very day and time I had been thinking was ideal! There and then she handed me the paperwork and hoped to see me again.

Im still in the space of : can I do this and will I be able to make a difference???? Its a whole new world for me. I will be dealing with patients who are terminal , my intensely emotional self , doesn't yet know how this will feel. Or what will be brought up. Its quite a big turn for me , having been treated for serious Post traumatic stress disorder related to medical experiences only 2-3 years ago. Why in my life do I always turn to look at the face of my demons? My original career went against the shy quiet type I may have been labelled as, and this , wellllll who would have known that the once me that would have a panic attack sitting in a hospital is now planning to sit at the head of a patient and look after them?

So Im now up to the stage of getting this horse out of the stable and giving something of myself back to others. I have yet to fill in forms , (thats a whole other new challenge, merging the old business me and the new me in an up to date CV) and get all sorts of insurance and police checks , but I hope by the end of the year things will have moved forward somewhat. I have yet to find my old CV on some external hardrive, its very London office (or Recruitmet agency)styleeee and not been updated for some time. I have to get this all done tout suite and feel Im harnessing the opportunity as soon as I can. Its a must, but my old ego head is slowing it down.

Is it a plan or an intention and if I dont seize it now, what will I miss? Will an intention work better than a goal or a dream. I hope so, it feels as if its all waiting for me , these things happening , as if jigswa peices have been slotted in , are not just happen chance. Will I be given a hand to organise it all and make it fit into place all the more easily, are they listening up there?!!!!!!

Think I have to get my cosmic order book out again ?!

Image care of Nicholas Arwin of Enhanced perceptions, amazing "visonary Art" site.

Its been a while

I just wanted to post a little something to say I'm still breathing , still healing and still here, just!!!! I don't know were the time goes, I didn't realise I hadn't posted for 2 weeks. Before I knew it another week had flown by and then another one.

The end of August was marked by an early celebration of our wedding anniversary,(read all about it on Nosh of Love when my post is done). Wow 9 years has also flown by! Every weekend has been busy so far non stop and every day is filled to the brim with activities with my girls, mainly cupcakes friends. By the evening I'm goggle eyed and ready for - not much!

Us 3 girls are all ready in this house as of this coming Monday, for life to change yet again into a new routine ,bring it on! Little cupcake starts reception and pickle will have her 1st full week of nursery down the road. I will have a child free two and a half hours a morning, 3 days a week to heal the world, (well my local area world that is) !!!!!!

I'm thinking I'm kidding myself that I wont be choked up next week at sitting in my house- alone -suddenly realising my little babies are no longer babies! Ive felt a little rising here and there and I push it away!

The culmination of all that pushing away emotions and staying busy brought on a migraine attack of revolting proportions, the likes I haven't had for many many years. It stopped me in my tracks early this week and put a stop to any TV, PC or mobile phone viewing of any kind. I think my body was trying to tell me AGAIN that I just have to stop and slow it down sometimes and shut the world out a lot more than I do. After several hours of sickness my body just shut down on me I had no choice but to go to bed at 7pm and apart from my normal, I-want-my-dummy 2am call, awoke Wednesday 7am , a 1st in YEARS.

Today marks the last day of the summer holidays, tis been a long one,( for some reason I don't count the weekend!). Labels have to be collected to be ironed on around 30 garments and items and a psyching up for the next school stage to be done, both me and cupcake!

Ive had to bring out my Reiki hands on several occasions recently for our little cupcake. She seems to be going through a stage of nightmares and night terrors. Some of the visions shes been having are a bit unusual for a nearly 5yr old I have to say ; WARNING MINOR GRIM VISIONS FOLLOWING : blood soaked faces ,baby's being taken from cut stomachs and people being sucked by tubes (the tornado repeat performance from last week) . In some spiritual circles these may be explained as a sign of past life occurrences. I'm trying to work out whether shes seen this imagery on TV , although I don't give her access to news , medical documentaries, horror films or drama programmes.

The thing is you never know what they see in the millions of things that pass our eyes every day. I'm really not sure at all whats going on, for me , its possibly just an overwhelmed creative and sensitive imagination like her mums (she so needs some school to channel this)!!

I'm very careful to not implant any further ideas or deep explanations for her at this young age , especially nothing esoteric or deeply spiritual . I just always try and show her ways to use mind over matter with visualisations and positive imagery. So out come our "flava fairies" , who sit with her at a magical table and create ice cream for her in any flavour , or her imaginary friend "Isis" , who is her magical strong purple & green monster, who protects her and guards her.

Its taken all week of doing this for her to settle more calmly this evening. Well in relative terms that is, as I still had to go in 3 times to kiss a sore finger , find her water or do 5 minutes Reiki! Instead of an hour later of things, we had a mere half an hour!

Such is a mothers life!