Gifted Hand

The hands have it

2009-06-10T23:10:00.017+01:00

For some reading the following , this may seem extremely left field and almost incomprehensible, for others you may be able to identify with the experience, nevertheless , my words are true & my description is as close to what happened as possible

On the Monday of June 2nd 09, I had my 1st real trance experience at circle, one that I did not expect as we sat down in our pairs (chosen via raffle tickets)! I thought I was just going to have my usual Monday experience ; fairly intense but nothing out of the ordinary. Yet 20 minutes into my turn to trance heal and I felt the most unbelievable and strangely connected syncing with the person I was healing I had ever felt,I don't think I will ever forget the experience. I still cant quite believe it and I keep on going over the experience in my mind reliving it, as it was so powerful . It wasn't unpleasant , but it wasn't pleasant either ; my whole body felt as if it was being held in this strange , well the only word I can find is - Trance!!

The only clue in hindsight that things would be different was that at the hospice that morning when treating patients was that my whole body shook and my hands vibrated so much , I had to concentrate on not making it a discomforting experience for them. But both of them came round in a stooper as if they had been in an intense dream sleep. I hadnt yet experienced this whilst healing.

Im found 10 days later at my following Monday circle I could, (well for now, as you never know when your abilities will ebb and flow), go into trance or meditation at the drop of a hat.

All I keep seeing is how my hands on that Monday were stuck to my recipients back as if glued on or magnetised to them, almost as if they were sinking in to that person. I know when spirit are near as I normally feel my body leaning to the side or as if Im in a force field I cant move from, but this time my whole body was moved and slumped forward and it was damn hard to control. I totally took on the shape and form of the grandmother of the recipient and started to feel an intense amount of emotion for them both. The feeling of compassion was so strong it took over my whole body , like nothing I have ever experienced. As my circle leaders voice came into frequency and I heard his words "please step back from the medium" , I came whooshing out with such force that it brought on hyperventilation and a rush of emotion that left me sobbing. It was an extreme shock to my system , as I was being pulled from one level of consciousness to another. Hyperventilation is something Ive had to deal with in the recent past so thankfully , due to my, (lets call it training in how to deal with acute panic attacks), I think I was just about able to stave it off. Our teacher has discussed on several occasions that coming out too quickly can cause this effect , but until your actually in that deep , you don't quite realise how hard it is too harness the information you've been told to prevent it. I know for sure I will know for next time!

I am surprised Im able to write about it , as I feel part of my consciousness was almost of another plane for that half hour of my life, but Ive been teaching myself how to recall dreams, as it was something very much recommended for my work. I' have been wondering if this is why I was told to do so, so that I can easily connect with what I see and feel when on another level.

During the experience I felt many things ; Spirit had stepped in to my aura so closely that I felt my whole body being hugged and held , my head kept on being pulled back and my body was moved side to to side. It was hard to keep still. I still cant quite believe what I felt , as in all honesty , even at my circle watching others do this , Ive thought that may be Im being hoaxed , but yet I know that what Im writing is true. It felt extremely real and in no way forced, it was in fact a very special experience. One I don't think I will forget.

I hope to be able to connect in this way again, as it greatly benefits my work and my connection with the spirit who is trying to convey its message to me for my sitters. Just next time I must remember to ground a bit more on the exit!!

New York Synchronicity

2009-05-20T12:56:00.050+01:00

Ok so I haven't written in here again for some time and its simply that I haven't felt spiritual of late and I really didn't want to turn this into some Ive-heard-it-all before kind of boring blog that just makes people click straight out, are you the next one,I hope not!! Ive been avoiding writing , as Im a normal kind of gal , not a guru of anything , but a deep interest in many areas of life. Some of them very philosophical & important; Reiki , meditation and new science, to name but a few. Some of them just fun life ; gourmet food, movies , restaurants and of course fashion.

If your not clicking out right now, Im most humbled that you are reading about my life and experiences and my unsusual jumble. With spirituality , I feel it has to be spontaneous and not forced , so Im loathed to push things just to write about them otherwise for me it wont be from a real heartfelt place. With regards to my often spiritual hiatuses Im not sure if its all the layers of my current life ; As all of us mums, I juggle the hats I spoke of in the previous post : parenting duties, wifely duties, Reiki hospice work , Mediumship development work, mind work and also the continuing investigations into my eldest kidneys; they seem to like making themselves bigger and she likes her frequent visits to hospital for infections! Great Ormond St Hospital is my second home some weeks! With all this combined I think Ive just totally taken my eye off the spiritual orb!

So Ive gone to New York this weekend for our hedonists foody fashion 10yr wedding anniversary trip sans kidlets and Im minding my tomato juice and pretzel offerings at 30'000 ft along with my very intriguing new book called Kingdom of the Golden Dragon. It was around the 1st few pages that I started to notice a sudden series of synchronistic happenings. For the 1st time in months I had time to just be and in that space I suppose the messages of connection to all things came through. It seemed something or someone , (my higher self ?),wanted me to have a giggle and some joy come my way. I may have mentioned before that my belief system on synchronicity is that a) Ive been here before and Ive left some tree marks along the path (as in Home with God by Neale Donald Walsch ) or b) I'm in the right place at the right time and its very auspicious.

So there I am with my tom juice and some me time for some hours and Im on the 1st few pages of a magazine, now for some this may seem a bit frivolous and silly , but it was a sign, a shallow fashion sign , but a sign!: I went to great lengths before leaving for this trip to find the perfect shoe to match a dress Id taken for one of our evenings , a version of a louboutin shoe no less and as I turn the 1st page I open an image of the very shoe that mine had been modelled on. All the days previously I had searched high and lo online for this over and over!!

Black Gardenia Satin Platform

Barrats Online

Now many of you may be thinking nahhhhh cobblers -excuse the pun- how can that be anything of meaning or substance , but wait , this was the start of a cascade of little synchronicities that went on for the 4days I was there . I remember rushing after the 4th one to get some paper out of my bag , as I just had to start recording them. I knew with my sieve brain that I would not remember them! So here in order, if you wish to peruse, is the rest of them;

2) So Im watching something light and silly, sort of, with it being "Hes not that into you" , (how slow & painful is that film!!) and one of the main female characters, played by Jennifer Conolly, is having her house remodelled and there's a scene shot in the kitchen discussing the; will he, wont he call. Behind them was a wall of ovens and cupboards all covered in clear cellophane, a scene very familiar in my very own house a few weeks back!

Kitchen scene from "Hes not that into you". Image from OutNow-CH

3)One of the Characters names is Janine and the last person I spoke with before boarding was my friend of the same name!

4) As we're finally able to take our seat belts of , I notice a familiar face come towards the amenities , she looks exactly like the last patient I treated at the hospice. This patient had some very bad news and I havent seen her for some weeks now.

5) As we're landing in JFK and I mean coming down on the tarmac , I turn to chapter 3 of my book, the opening lines of which are ; "On the other side of the world, Alexander cold was arriving in New York"!

6) The morning after we land , we take a taxi across town for breakfast, as we stop and start through Soho we're talking about a Ted Baker dress Ive brought with and lo and behold on my right as we stop is that very shop! Now even he the mans noticed this one , and normally hes so not into these things at all!

7) So we've gone to Big Daddy's , as recommended by our hotel , for breakfast for our first full American breakfast fill up of the trip, (yes I eat a load of ole crapola sometimes)! As we're walking towards it on the corner we notice that we're right at the door of City Crab. This holds dear to he the mans and I, as it was the place of a very memorable night , (the night before he proposed!). We had a lovely evening together there more than 10yrs ago in New York! There is a picture in our conservatory of us there and we talked of it just before leaving. We had NO idea Big Daddy's was on the same road in the same area two doors down!

City Crab 2 doors from Big Daddy's

8) As were finishing our meal , I look over to a family of 3 who have been seated , I cant take my eyes of their little girl as she looks just like my littlest, but a few years older , its uncanny. So as we leave Im compelled to go over and say so , showing my mobile image of my two girls to them and they too are shocked at the resemblance. They ask where we're from , and we realise in conversation that last night we happen to have been on the same flight coming in from London!!

9) We were talking about going back to Miami at some point with our children and at the time we were taking a taxi accross town. Lo and behold we look up to see at that very moment a HUGE billboard of an advert for the Fontainebleau Miami! Ive subsequently found out that friends of my sisters are there this very minute!

10) On our last morning , we take a taxi to South Street Seaport and on the floor is some Taxi documents stating that this is cab no 8, my very very auspicious and lucky no!

11) As we eat breakfast there , I look over to find directly across from me is a Jewellery stand called HANAMI, the name I use on here!!

12) Now this one is a little bit tenuous , but never the less it was a near almost ish connection . So Im continuing my book and I come upon another chapter. This time the characters are landing in NYC at 5:45 , and as it so happens weve just landed in LONDON (ok heres where we loose some of the connection) and JUST stopped at the gate at 4:45!

and there we are , you may think many of this happen chance, Ive made them up or that anyone can read and link anything together that they wish to connect to their lives , but it was their juxtaposition in such a short space of time that blew me away.

Whats your take on these events? How do you feel about these co joined happenings in your own life? When do you most notice them?

My blogs 1st birthday and my hats!

2009-04-10T17:13:00.011+01:00

I cant believe March has come and gone in a blur of craziness, builders and mess and I was remiss to come on and say Happy 1st Birthday to my blog!

My blog started in a slue of words, creativity and energy and well life has got hectic of late and burning the midnight oil to get posts done has been errmm somewhat taken over by my tweetfests! I'm sure many can own up to that!

I am going to start sounding like I'm giving a rather sugary awards acceptance speech right now, so you have been warned!

I want to show gratefulness to those last year who helped get me started and supported me in the early few weeks when I was a blog virgin , so thank you Monique from Escape hatch & Barbara from Candy Hearts and paper flowers . We may not speak often , but you were very helpful and it was great to make connections across the pond!

Chloe , my lovely friend from Yorkshire who owns the lovely and funny craft & jewellery blog Mee , we often are on the same page with many things in our lives. Shes the one who always is interested in what I do and is always supportive and when she can, with her very busy household , always comes on and reads & comments here. I'm sure if we lived near each other we would see each other often.

I don't know were my Gifted Hand blog is going lately and I'm on a path of new discovery right now which means I'm having to take much more contemplation time. Its like I'm learning how to be a new version of me. Sometimes I think wow great I really have something to contribute to this turning world , other times I just want to hide and lick my own self imposed wounds!

I'm really enjoying using my Reiki connection at the hospice and despite treating patients and some carers who are dealing with all sorts of cancers, I find it very rewarding.Many friends and family have been wary of it, asking; wouldn't it make me sad or upset? I don't feel that at all. I'm facilitating others to relax, reduce their pain and more importantly give them some time that isn't about doctors and hospital appointments, I feel very privileged to be able to be a channel for that. It seems to help me as much as them so its not all an altruistic act!

My mediumship abilities still astound me and I cant yet see a picture of where this skill is going to take me , sometimes I don't even know why I'm doing it!! I think Ive been going for over 2yrs and was definately guided to go there. Sometimes I feel like Im doing for doing it , and other times I come home blown away by energy and information. Despite that my classes are challenging and fun all the same. I get a real buzz when we do our podium style practise evenings and Im the one doing readings and getting lots of validation of who and what Im seeing. To help others connect with ones they've lost is also a moving experience.

The mind work is proving also to be a double edged sword. On the one hand Im tapping into all sorts of layers that I didn't connect together and its such a relief to get it out of me and deal with. Earlier in my blog I spoke about sabotagin myself and doing things to stop my own light shining. Like the words from Tyra banks in Americas next top model cycle 11 (yes she can be profound even if it is only a fashion thing) ; "You are standing in your own way".Opening up and sharing what Ive held in, which is preventing my own progression, is helping me to tear down some of my own self imposed blocks. Sometimes I'm finished for a week and I'm like aaaaahhh big sigh of relief to offload, other times I think it would be easier to just get off the social wheel and go hide from it all!

Lastly there's my family , my girls give me so much too as I see them develop. They are both very loving and affectionate creatures and I hope that's a reflection of my own parenting. Don't get me wrong , they're angels with devilish ways also, little pickle is getting extremely picklish lately, expressing her self as a person in her own right! Right now eldest has just shouted from the conservatory that pickles is doing something naughty; he the mans and I have walked in to find chocolate ice cream smeared all over the floor tiles and down her face and clothes and a look of "who me" on her face! My eldest also does things that just blow me away. I fell over the other day at home , and little cupcake came and put her hand on me and said she was doing what I do by giving Reiki, I was so touched.

Wearing several hats can be rewarding and exciting and it makes you feel like life is moving and not stagnating , but it also means I'm spread thin and don't have much time in there for me to just be. Small things like being OK with pyjama and TV time , or just sitting in the bath for an hour once my girls are in bed or even having some spa or holistic treatments. Something is always niggling and I seem to feel I should be busy tidying or organising or writing or being something (a new modern times phenomena?). Like what I do for my patients ; give them back some me time, I need to allow it for myself . I'm working on that and making sure I don't put my needs aside to often, because if I don't recharge then I cant put on all my hats and that will not do.

How do you put your many hats down? Whats the thing that helps you tune out? Is it a huge bar of chocolate and a hot bath or are you a constant on the go person?

Coping through the crazies!

2009-02-26T20:25:00.040Z

Right now I'm literally sitting amongst the debris that was my home! No there's not been an act of god , but an act of builders! Instead of having a client I am the client! For the last few months I have been in long discussion with a Kitchen designer , lighting suppliers and a building team. Ive had fun creating a crisp, fun & striking environment that works much better for the family and updates our home. As lovely and homely as it was , it didn't really work well and storage has always been an issue. We are so looking forward to living in a much more ergonomically laid out setting. We've lived for nearly 7 years with fridges under stairs , doors crashing into each other, pots and pans spilling out all over, creaking plumbing and blocked pipes. This week most of that has GONE and hopefully so has the clogged up energy that was in it too!

Living amongst the carnage is an experience I'm not sure I'll repeat and every surface is covered in thick dust : I have floorboards, raw brick walls and up until yesterday, no ceiling! but despite all this I keep reminding myself how grateful I am to be able to do something like this. Its also been very exciting getting my interior design abilities out the cupboard for a dust off and it will be a thrill to see our design evolve in the next few weeks. Ive even helped a supplier springboard some new ideas in product development and image change with a commission for this build. They're also quite looking forward to see the finished article in place.

Another huge challenge has been the sudden medical state of my little big cupcake, literally the DAY AFTER the build started, 3 weeks ago, little big cupcake decided it would be good , alongside our house being cut to bits, to be rushed into hospital for several days, culminating in 3 hospital admissions in less than 4 weeks for the recurrence of the same symptoms ! Fraught , you will be! It started as a mystery infection, (appendix was thrown into the picture), in the lower abdomen area and eventually got diagnosed as a kidney infection- possibly! Ive really had to step up in protecting this little person I created and make sure she gets the care she needs to get to the bottom of things. Its been a mystery to everyone that it reoccurred so many times and further investigation will still be ongoing.

Whatever is going on , I'm feeling there is a much big picture at play, but right now , no ones given me the instruction book! I read recently that if I cant work that out , then I'm to leave it to the universe to make it pan out as it should and develop coping mechanisms in the meantime. Listening to Jenni Barnett's LBC slot on 25th Feb there was a discussion on how to manage the difficulties in life and stay optimistic. It was said we need to cultivate a thought pattern that appreciates the small things ; a nice cup of tea, a hot bath, a vibrant snack , a huge bowl of freshly made chicken soup (lovingly prepared by my dad & what a small blessing that was), a tight hug from another offspring, my hand held by my own mum and whatever else makes you sigh with relief of fill you with joy. Ive spent many years writing joy lists and making sure every day I find just a small kernel of comfort, but sometimes you get dragged into an intensity of concern that makes you forget to do that, especially when its to do with your child's health.

I definitely think these small things do make a difference in a day that if seen from a negative angle would have you reeling , but seen through the split second flashes and teeny moments of relief, change the whole perception and frankly allow you the stamina to get through days of constant hospital stay ins ! Although I will say honestly that in these last few days, I have been tested to my utmost in all and every which way! We don't have the easiest of patients in our blessed (her Hebrew name is Bruchah) , little cupcake and this ole mama has had to use every mental and physical muscle to calm and soother her 24/7! Its quite surreal living in one curtained cubicle on and off for weeks next to your child.

My whole little section of the universe has gone Topsy turvy, coming home to the chaos of the house in between each admission as you can see has been a real test of my metal. Initially the wreck of the house seemed to pale into the distance but I'm now home in the thick of it, or rather thrown out of the thick of it , as the builders have made it a no pass zone this week! Ive turned into a refugee of my locale! Ive spent the whole week bouncing from friends and family, house to house, passing the day trying to relax away from my own comforts yet again and bring myself back together and recharge, whilst little cupcake is bounding around at school like a jack jumped out of the box! If only I had the bounce back that a child has!

When my girls get ill like that , the world seems to stop turning on the outside , whilst we are living in a typhoon on the inside! As much as I could, I have I passed Reiki through to her and EFT tapped our way out of her heightened alarm at repeated needles, IVs and antibiotic flushes. My feet have literally not touched the ground and I think neither has my spirit! All I could hear was the quiet voice of a spirit guide whispering , hang on little bird, hang on. (That seemed to be my only connection with my guides over this time). Despite using several different grounding techniques Ive spent every day through this as if Id spin right out of my body!

Most have said you cant control these things that they will always be thrown at you in life, but for me I feel they happen for a reason and as I said before I cant always get to that reason straight away. Despite the emotions and thoughts (& worries)they create, Its really made me think about manifestation and law of attraction and Ive been trying to overlay that concept with whats been coming about in our little life here. And to coin a phrase from a favourite blogger at Back in Skinny Jeans , I am using a "health prosperity partner" right now to sort out what kinks there are in my armour and finally help me draw out what I don't need anymore that might be attributing to some of this picture, as my responses to the stress the last few years since becoming a mother have been less than balanced! (May be that's just being a human in the face of extreme situations and places kids take you too!).

What coping techniques have you used to get through several challenges that have come at once? Do you think there's a bigger situation than can be seen being played out when this happens? Do you feel that a state of mind and awareness will change events or will it just change our perception of them?

Have I seen you lately?!

2009-02-24T22:41:00.028Z

Its become apparent to me over the last few months the distance many of us have with each other. I also realised that many of our phones ring less & mobiles bleep more. The use of texting ,email, facebook , facebook email, twitter et al are wonderful and exciting mediums in the new wave of communication. I for one love interacting with others this way . I feel every day , especially on twitter, I take up new ways of thinking and have fun making new connections with others in a similar field and many who are not, BUT I feel we mustn't forget the need to connect with people on a real face to face level, voice to voice.

In the ever increasing need to be globally aware and think of our environment , our school has now gone electronic , we are no longer get given anything on paper , but via email. The pros are yes very paramount ; no waste , you cant lose an email as such , so there's no way you can say you haven't read it and you don't have loads of paper everywhere! The cons ; A feeling that there is a divide or separation. A feeling that may be you shouldn't speak to people in person , that they may be too busy or unavailable. I think this is happening on a social level also.

Many of us feel lost , alone and quite separate and I feel its only exaggerated by the very impersonal use of communication devices. Don't get me wrong I use all of the methods of communication mentioned and I think its a wonderful thing we have going, but how do we get back to feeling we can just simply talk, (like being round a campfire), or even just knock on a friends door and say lets have a cuppa? Or shockingly have a whole conversation that doesn't consist of text tennis and 20 of them by the time your finished!

Is it because of these methods that we have less time for real contact , or does it pave the way to have more? Have we actually saturated ourselves with communication and contact with others? How do you transition from having an online relationship to a real time live one?

I think the best remedy is to make sure that every week , real contact is made, instead of a text, facebook or twitter update, phone someone. Where possible, time permitting , location permitting ,(yes I know we cant all pop on planes and see others overseas), meet up , chat round a hot drink, have some face to face time.

Ive probably missed a whole gamut of new fandango communication devices in the video conferencing market or some such,(when businessing at home you really do have to keep more of an eye on the progression of things but Ive liked to keep my life simpler of late!) , although it has been some time since I used my web cam on MSN, may its time to warm it up again, or is that passe now!? For that matter , I haven't even tapped the possibilities of my Skype account either, so who needs to pay phone bills anymore!

What do you do to make sure your connected to people rather than just with words on a screen? Is your web cam always on? Or sometimes do we actually like being able to hide behind these screens, do we like not having to make physical or more human contact? Is the world so fast paced now , that its quite nice to choose when and how we speak? Do you have less phone calls or do you still like to philosophise together into the night?

On that note , wheres my phone!?!

Back on my Island or How I want to still be there!

2009-01-14T16:47:00.049Z

Well I'm back from one Island (Duck Key) , to another (UK) and it was a wonderful time away, I have some cherished memories , 350 photographs (I'll blame that on the sports setting) , 2hrs of video and a cupboard full of clothes that have a smell : Downy Lavender & Vanilla fabric conditioner!!! , (& yes a bit strange to add a link , but I just have to as it will forever mean so much & evoke every moment of our last few days away) oh and makes little cupcake wale with "I'm so sad I'm not there". I'm trying to express to her how the smell is good as a reminder of a great time and feel good in that , but hey , Ive got another 18 yrs is it before she understands the concept if gratitude!!

I would have posted this sooner, but Ive had quite a delay in getting over this jet lag , as little cupcakes night traumas & uber sensitivity have gone up a notch since our return. We've been awoken every other night or so the last 12-14 days around 1am to sobbing that's lasted for well over an hour or more. I tell you EFT is nothing short of miraculous in calming the hysterics down and I know I go on about it , but its just a lifesaver when all else fails, my baby sitter at the weekend couldn't get over its effects. Shes had a real roller coaster of emotions , I think its a mixture between the time difference, increased awareness and some ermm colourful stories my little other family member has been sharing that shes not to keen on! Sshhhhh lets not mention the Tornado word!

It was quite a challenge initially to be with he the mans 24/7 when away and made for a difficult start , as we really need to do some joint healing work (& that many readers is for disclosure at a MUCH braver stage), but we eventually relaxed and really came together . This trip showed me what a joy I can have with simple family things. Ive never really 100% sat well in my role as mother and housewife and always makes sure I let people know that I have my hand in several pies away from those positions,(yes I know its probably ego speak) , but on this trip I completely melded into it and I had a ball.

The wonder was seeing everything from my girls eyes. Ive been to the US on many lucky

occasions through my life from childhood in the

80's, but this was the first time with my own family and my own memories, going as a child with my parents and sister, are still to this day extremely vibrant. I hope we have started to embed in our girls the same colourful images to think back on.

Unfortunately I didn't get much time to meditate or do much Reiki for that matter , but just allowed myself to be, experience and relax and that's what was needed very much. We ate some lovely food (& some not so lovely big greasy food) and little cupcakes addiction to Buffalo wings went into overdrive, in fact we all got soo addicted to them, I wonder in Ayurvedic terms was our need for savoury pickley spicy flavours?! I'll show some food pics soon on Nosh of Love and you can see what we chomped our way through in 14days!

Since returning we've done all we can to find a way to go back there as soon as we can , but right now were counting down the last few days before our house is ripped to shreds and re modelled in a much more sensible way & that has to be the focus. All that luxury and comfort to icky mess! Life's contrasts hey!

You cant see Miami & not go to Ocean drive hey

Right in the middle of new buildings and highways of Lincoln mall , was this white Colonial confectionery

My girls were mesmerised!

A garden in Duck Key , some garden!

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! The View from our Veranda

Chrismakah tapping central

2008-12-24T21:55:00.029Z

Image from NurseCrilly

Little cupcake is revisiting her Tornado hell ,(I have my nephew to thank again, hes such a doom merchant, but who can put down an amazing creative mind!), and Ive spent every night this week pulling out all my tricks. Ive done Reiki, the psychiatrists acknowledge/distract technique and the last 2 nights she's had miraculous relief from EFT - "even though tornado's are scary , I am safe , calm and secure"- tap tap tap. I didn't quite know what else to use as the statement, but it seemed to work wonders and she was calm (& laughing), in a few minutes from all out banshee screaming and terror. She whips her visual creative mind into a frenzy over these things poor little one, boy does she take after her mum. Who me?

We'll have a big change of scenery , for the 1st time ever this time of year, as were off off and away from the old blighty in under 48hrs to hot sunny Miami beach! Were all in need of some sun, having had a wash out summer and then 2week of flu and infection in this little house! Thank gawd were all nearly over that ,I bet he the mans wishes my voice was still gone though! This holiday will also mark the anniversary of little cupcakes nasty time last year culminating in surgery. It was round this date that she started to finally recover, shes come a long long way since then, such a miraculous difference for her in her short little life. Its all behind us now and we need to make sure we remind ourselves of the gift of modern medicines and treatments despite my sadness at the amount of drugs and nasty things she had to ingest month after month.

We have a huge "Chrismakah" lunch out tomorrow, near the city , with my family and my sisters boyfriends family too, (all 22 of us) , hmmmm , parents meeting parents, intriguing? Hes also taking her on a secret destination for a romantic trip, more hmmm!! I will probably be asked to do readings for everyone at some point, (my sisters Bf is always asking), may be not such a good idea after egg nog and all that , but I always take my cards with me everywhere. I bought a wonderful new set last week , the Godess guidance Oracle and they've been so accurate and on target I love them.

We've been packing all afternoon and it feels like Im trying to squeeze an elephant into a pair of tights with all the stuff were taking. I mean how many clothes , shoes , toiletries and bits of I- dont -know- what, do we need! Im sooo a Jewish girl when it comes to going away! My sister the ever efficient and compact one is amazed at my capsule shoe wardrobe for the trip, only 7 pairs as apposed to my usual 12!!! Im much to matchy matchy for my own good. Its something I need to learn to calm down from, appearance is far to much for me! As my friend coined many years ago , Im a lipstick tree hugger!!

I have to have new tunes when going away, it seems to help set the road trip tone to it all and helps in my insights and inner work, which flow much more easily when away from my normal routine. I'm busy adding Cd's to itunes and then my iPod, mainly Reiki ones, so amongst all the mayhem that is holidays abroad with kids and all of us on top of each other, I will find some peace.

On Monday a few from our development circle got together and later on in the evening all the lights were turned out and we sat at the table and had a mini seance. It started off as nothing out of the ordinary and then suddenly white balls of light were flashing on her ceiling , we all sat there trying to check ourselves ; was it a car? is there some equipment with a light flash? No, none of those. It was amazing and the whole other half of the room kind of vibrated and zig zagged with energy.

We ended the night by smudging the room with Nag champa incense asking for the energy build up to go back to Gaia and the Universe, as the dweller of the house needed to get to sleep! The room was full of others from the realms unseen coming for a chat and a nose at her dining table!

I will be back in a few weeks with some new posts that I have waiting in the wings and need some more work. I will probably spend much of my holiday reflecting on all that has happened in the last 365 days. I hope I have a notebook handy whilst there, I have quite a few things to prepare for in January; some help for me and help for others far more in need than I . Whilst away I may even find a way to get on too twitter, oh don't be silly of course I will!!

Hope whoever reads my blog has a great holiday time and a good break, Happy New year , Happy Chanukah.

What will you be reflecting on?

Sleepless in London

2008-12-17T10:24:00.020Z

Call me Nurse Hana! Wherever I look there's a little ill person , oh and big one in our bed right now, as he was struck down last night with the flu which has seen an unexpected increase this year. I don't know who to look after first,but thoughtfully we've got ill in sequence , giving me a chance to get a bit better before having to do all night vigils with the other half of my little family! Talking of my reference to Sleepless in Seattle in my title, remember the character Walter and his bedside , well by my bedside has on it everything but the kitchen sink ! I'm even looking at buying a humidifier this weekend!

Ive not been able to post much again , but having the shivers and sleeplessness for days on end and then it being passed around our four walls has left me needing much rest, haaaa but how to get it in a house of ills! The bed has been my companion alongside my laptop! Ive even had to miss my beloved development circle this week, something I'm loathe to do , but it had to be. I did manage to join the twitter community last week though and have very quickly met with some really interesting and inviting people and many following a similar path. The only thing is its just another addiction I will have to watch out for, as being at home for so long has given me much opportunity for hovering !

I'm thinking all this time at home will mean I come whooshing up next week ,as all we've done is languish around in pj's and eat fruit and drink water, yey for the papaya! Its just the best when you can no longer eat citrus from having a raw throat and its also good for settling the stomach. Id love to have given every one in the house a lot more Reiki than Ive done , but haven't had the strength and Ive needed to rest when I can. Ive been pondering on the possibility that the healing crisis comes on sooner, possibly, if one does self healing amidst the worst of the symptoms?

Right now at my laptop is my little pickle covering me in play doh, soggy tissues and half eaten fruit! The little cupcake however is covering the whole kitchen in play doh! I myself will have to find some small pleasures to get through another day at home, (a nice lunch treat?), apart from the doctors I haven't seen society since last Wednesday, so I'm assuming the world hasn't ended yet! Ive had no time to organise anything for Chanukah at my sisters, and only less than a week to sort clothes and loads more for our Family New years trip to Miami & the Keys next week. Its going to be busy the next coming few days!

Be back soon when we banish the ills!

What do you do with self healing and certain illness, can it increase the symptoms before improvement?

Mandala healing

2008-11-25T15:09:00.020Z

Dark mustard represents an over active core chakra or blockage.

Last year I was asked to take the circle class and as I had just found out about Mandala's from here and had mentioned earlier one circle evening, it was a case of be careful what you wish for (being the Leo that I am and liking being the teacher and not the student), as there and then I was asked to do a mini workshop on the very subject the week after!!!!

At first the old tapes me started to panic at the prospect of creating a workshop in 7days and then the new me said no problem ,let the universal energy flow and it will too. In 2 days I had compiled a 10 page presentation! See I knew being a buyer would come in handy later in in my real incarnation!!!

Today as I was completing my post about wanting to hear from readers on Reiki cleansing and life development, I mentioned the Solar plexus. So inspired I decided to do a quick PowerPoint mandala - as seen above . Its quite easy just to play around with the computer shapes & lines , changing shades and making them transparent to add visible layers. Once done,drag your cursor over the whole thing , click to copy, paste into Paint and save as , et voila , your very own image of your Mandala as a whole.

Apart from creating the mandala this afternoon, I realised during the process, that it seems , from the very dark mustard yellow and the almost intense jagged layers , that I have a bit of a clogged up solar plexus centre from far to much input! I think some Reiki healing is in order!

If you would like to know more about Mandalas I will be posting sections of the workshop here I designed, including my first experiments with laptop mandalas, as much as I love paint on paper , sometimes I just want to get the ideas and impressions out really quickly , but yet very geometrically :

This is taken from the 1st 2 sections:

This evening you will learn a very special and different way to access your inner soul through art.
You will learn about Mandalas and a little of their history
You will also learn about how they look and how different they can be and how many forms they can take
This evening you will experience creating your 1st one (of several, they are addictive !!) and see were it takes you and how it makes you feel
There are no hard rules , just get some paper , colours, rulers, compass, you & some universal flow !!!

Experience , enjoy and share

Namaste

Mandalas is Sanskrit for circle or completion, or “concentric energy circle” , these images were created inside a box or circle , both or any given shape that the creator wishes to use. Hindu in origin , but used in many Dharmic religions.
Many show shapes and forms that repeat all the way round , flowing into a focal point Known as a Bindu. This is used to help the trance , meditative state .
Often used as a form of communication through oneself to others. Mayans used the sacred geometry of Mandalas for temples and on their calendars or sacred rounds (also known as as a Tzolkin see image below)

Mandalas to me are a visual meditative tool to get into the soul or essence of ones self. Combining meditation , divination and revelation.

Look out for the next section , coming soon.

In the meantime let me know if you've had a play with Mandalas yourself. Feel free to share them here.

Namaste

Life changing spiritual books, have you read one lately?

2008-11-25T14:19:00.028Z

Image from Gurusoftware

See Ive always been one to go searching and searching for books, books and more books. When I'm in a groove , ill suck them up like a hoover on coke! But I have one proviso now when book hunting ; that they leap out at me and say , "you must must read me" , otherwise I just feel its not meant for me (that leap out looks very much like someones turned the saturation button up on the colours of the front cover). Although recently I picked up Eat Pray Love in an Airport shop and I just had to buy it , despite putting it back several times on the shelf , (as I had taken 3 new books already & by the way I still haven't started) . I'm halfway and so far I'm really enjoying it. Its one of those books I look forward to going to bed for so I can get down into it. Until this book, that resonance hasn't happened for some time. One theory from my teacher is that Ive done enough input work , now I need to output, do the practicals.

I tend to have a few of them ,(well quite a few stacked by my bed on the floor and often when tidying I just sit and thumb through them). The main one in my recent past that has done that bam thing for me was Home with God and it blew my mind.

I remember going on the underground the day I finished it and had the most amazing experience. Yer I know , like how can travelling on the underground in London be amazing when you've been doing it for over 20 years. It was like I suddenly saw and felt what is was all about. I had this overwhelming feeling and its so hard to put it into words here, but I will try;

I suddenly felt that oneness with everything and saw through the illusions. Sitting there on the platform in the subdued light, I felt a connectedness and a wonder and I couldn't stop staring at everyone around me. It felt so surreal , and yet amazing all at the same time. I felt small and yet I felt joined. For that brief few minutes I expanded my consciousness beyond the layers of the tunnels, tarmac, road and tubing. It uplifted me out of myself and I felt joy without any need, energy without outside stimulus and a calm that came unfettered. I cant remember beyond this, but I think I was able to tap it briefly for a few weeks after. It was if I was allowed a brief window into our existence but the window wasn't opened for long for its energy was so powerful to comprehend.

Apart from climbing to the top of Angels Landing in Zion Canyon many years ago and riding a horse alone in Monument valley for an afternoon , Id say that this was very oddly one of the most amazing mystical moments of my life! Thats right , down on the dark , smelly, crazy busy London Underground!

So if you have one spiritual book that you felt really changed your thoughts and feelings on life , or made you fizz with recognition and gave you inspiration, new intentions or new ways to be , what was that?

Enough about me for now (well at least this post!!)

2008-11-24T14:37:00.021Z

Pontoon Bridge image almost as seen in attunment

Etchu Province, Toyama, Pontoon

Care of Castle fine arts

I need to hear from you , my readers out there. Ive noticed that many readers come here after google searching for Reiki cleansing. So Id like to hear how your cleansing experiences have gone; are you finding even way past the 21 days , months even , that you are becoming more self aware? That every living experience is noticed much more in fine detail? Is your life lighter or has it made you feel you've sunk a bit into sludge, created by years of burying pain? Are you questioning your way of life more ? Do relationships suddenly seem more in the spotlight? Are you self healing every day? Do you do every hand position or just one on the centre of the body? Or even has it had no effects at ll? Id really like to know.

Also did you write a cleansing diary and if so have you looked back at it , whats changed, if anything? Has your life since Reiki taken you down a new path? See now Im thinking ahhhhhhh , I must go and look at mine.

Ive been talking a lot about myself , my self development and the things I do to pull myself from darky avenue. What I want to know is how others keep themselves balanced and light. The Reiki way of life can completely change your aspect on things , so kind of like best practise at work , whats been working for you?

Oh and even if you haven't done Reiki , but some other life development work, and some of the questions above relate , then Id like to hear about that too.

Its always good to share others experiences , and the things that you benefit from. I'm sure we can all learn something new from others and a different approach is always great even if its something simple. I remember talking with circle friends about self healing, sometimes at bed time , I'm really not in the mood for doing every hand movement and this meant that I actually didn't do it on several nights. One of the others girls suggested just working on the solar plexus chakra, so now, (when I remember), I just lay my hand there, do what I need (being the sacred symbols that I try not to disclose if I can help it) and let it do its thing.

Namaste x

Massage my dosha more, baby!

2008-11-23T17:46:00.019Z

Image courtesy of The Telegraph , Sequoia spa foot ritual

I was extremely lucky to have been sent to a Spa last week , an indulgence only taken on once a year, but he the mans booked it as a surprise, he, even if I don't, will often see when I need to do these things. It was at The Sequoia spa at The Grove that I had a very much needed escape for the day . Although I didn't easily relent to the relaxing decadent time offered completely! Trust me , I need to be whacked over the head with a mallet to shut off and give in! Its one of the reasons why I think I end up so frazzled and out of balance as I don't think I look after myself like this enough. Instead of relaxing I spent the whole day thoroughly intrigued by my therapists career journey and training! I was fascinated and found it really inspiring and couldn't stop asking her question after question!

I'm in no way sponsored by Espa and this is going to sound like a paid sales pitch , but my most favourite products are the Espa ones , being all natural and smelling amazing. This Spa is one of their main flagships, so all of the latest products and spa treatments are on offer. Ive been once before when they first opened for a day spa and never forgot how I was treated and looked after; it really was very special and nurturing experience and I was looking forward to that succumbing again.

The main bases for the Espa therapies is combining holistic, Ayurvedic and eastern philosophies with modern treatments. Within 5 minutes of consultation, (during the "foot ritual" seen in the image above) , my therapist had correctly worked out my Dosha or personal constitution type out of 3 :

Vata = Air & Ether - controlling movement

Pitta= Water & Fire - controlling metabolism

Kapha = Earth & Fire - controlling structure

With mine currently being Vata , she tailored the whole days treatments based on what would balance a Vata type : I was warmed , soothed and comforted with all sorts of oils, body wraps, lotions and potions, all chosen specifically to my sensory and sensual needs and likes . It was hard in parts to hold back the tears of emotions rising up , but I wanted to save those for after and just enjoy!

After a lovely peaceful lunch and a lay down in the womb like relaxation rooms (all aubergine velvet, moving beds, blankets and personal spa music, oh and the most lovely warm tea tonic !) , my face was stroked , my arms were rubbed and my hands wiggled until I just had to give in. So when the words "Mrs Mi your treatment is now over" at 4pm were quietly and calmly stated , I sighed a sigh inside wishing it could go on and on, as it had taken all day to get to this stage!!!

The effect by the end of the day was one blissed out Hana Mi , its a me that I need to remember when in the throes of any negative risings as it seemed to seep into every atom of my being. Ive bought some of the products from the day , not all , otherwise Id have needed to remortgaged, but I will be using them to help remind me of the feeling of relaxation as the smells will do much of the evoking work for me. I may have done much much more when my girls were spirits in the sky, but now its even more essential!

I remember several years ago The Body Shop did a whole series on Ayurvedic Doshas and specific products designed in line with Wild Earth . They were the first to offer these types of products commercially. I remember buying them in the sales when they were going to discontinue the range (and being very upset they were going as the body spray tonics were lovely) , the smells and textures designed for Vata were spot on for my tastes and they were really special products. They seemed so correct that back then I had very good evidence in the belief of Ayurvedic treatments. One I think I will be pursuing to add to my toolbox so to speak and use in my private practise on clients/patients in the future. Its quite exciting to re visit something again that I hadn't looked at for a long time and really take it on board, understand it properly and hopefully do some therapy courses for it to use it effectively.

Ive been unclear as to which way to take my practise of holistic therapies , having trained only in Reiki for now and going through the intense healing patch I'm experiencing ,I'm realising I need to take things very slowly. Its something I have to work hard to do as I like to take something and run with it immediately, bombarding myself , my life and my brain and never feeling quite proficient (sort of jack of all trades and master of none!).

My hospice position for a Reiki practitioner has now come through which is very important for me in my life changing course and I will start that in mid January 09 for a few hours every week. For the next few months I will let this be the simple road I travel, it will be a great learning experiencing for me and allow me to build confidence in what I'm doing. Eventually when ready to make additions to my treatments, I will start to learn other holistic therapies more intensely.

Simplicity is key and I need to take that on board if I'm to stay balanced for now. I will have to stop myself taking on more and more information , as it can be very exciting, but something in my life is telling me that this is not the best way to go right now. I need sameness , consistency and grounding right now.

Oh and meanwhile take a look at these online Dosha quiz's; One from Deepak Chopra's web site and another from "Whats your Dosha, baby" author Lissa Coffey’s . See I cant help myself! but then I see it as a benefit right now to know a little about who and what I am myself and what I can do for well being as these web sites have some great tips on self treatments.

I have too much Vata in the body and too much Pita in the mind!

and on that note , I also need to come away from the laptop and shut down my head for a while before bed time. Since the Spa day all Ive wanted to do is lay down and snuggle in a blanket!

Ive got to start listening to this body more hey!

ni ni all

Namaste

Cleansing wheels

2008-11-17T22:05:00.022Z

Today for the 1st time in weeks I awoke feeling more uplifted , like my energy had shifted and some of the debris & detritus had been removed over the last few days. I don't know if its acceptance from others around me of the real me or the fact that the real me and the social facade me have come together and I can start being a more authentic person rather than the fractured splintered version.

I spent this weekend taking time to be just at home being quiet and tidying and not really doing much. I spend most days , full on , rushing here and there and I think Im finally having to say to things and people and expectations ENOUGH!

I also have just let out any of the emotional pains and negative thoughts that have been held tight inside the little protective boxes we all like to shelve deep within us. It wasn't all pretty and I ended up blubbing a lot the last 3 days like a 5yr old!! Whilst having a blub feels messy and painful , it felt good to have let it leave my space and the tight containment Ive put on it all. He the mans has actually surprised me and been extremely supportive ; listening , helping at home and with my cupcake and pickle. Hes even booked me for a full spa day of calming and soothing rituals. Its a real treat as the last one I did was over 5 years ago!! I need to make full use of whats on offer and hopefully relax and really give into it and allow it.

I still have to battle the demons that I touched upon in my previous post and yesterday marked the the new path of that work in my healing with my therapy assessment. I think many more little boxes (and not so little , but well wrapped and hidden boxes) , will need opening and clearing through. A bit like when you do the cupboards out , (you know the ones were you horde everything and anything and it all falls out when you open the door). It all gets into a bit of a mess before it can be re organised , but then after all that hard work of sifting through and a "do I need this anymore?" , It starts to then look all wonderfully tidy and neat again, this time with much less clutter around!

Mondays class was all about feeling Universal energy as powerfully as possibly , this meant working on deep hatha style breathing and imagining the light coming into our bodies very slowly (making it stop at each chakra, breathing deeply several times and drawing it in to that point to really feel its presence) , from our feet up to our crowns. We then went on further to clear our body minds and spirits with cleansing wheels. It may sound all tree huggy and hippy , but experiencing the effects of the wheel through you can be really powerful :

Visualise a huge cart wheel , see it glowing like a huge white vibrating light around you. See all its spokes going right through your whole body , see it starting at your base chakra. Imagine it spinning around you as fast as you can and as it spins , see it removing the pains and difficult emotions of the day. See them flying out beyond the spokes and disappearing into vapour. Gradually see it go up through each chakra and repeat the process. Notice how it feels at certain parts , does it move freely , does it stop and feel stuck ? Do you feel any physical feelings during this exercise? I did , I felt sick sick sick, but its all good , it means its doing its work and the effects don't last too long after. It may continue to do its work for a few days after and it may bring up some emotions , but allow them to rise , release and flow away. You can go up or down again to the same chakra if you feel it needs concentration. Its something you can do ever week , whilst watching TV , sitting in the car at the red lights or in a ritualised start to a deep meditation.

The purpose of all this?

Its so I can be of better service to myself , my family and those I endeavour to support via Reiki and mediumship. Our teacher that night likened our bodies to a water pipe , and when blocked our energy cannot flow free, our work will be harder as will the flow of water. So the more we cleanse , clear out and remove whats not needed the better channels we can be as messengers, aiding others through their own healing from whatever that may be.

Namaste

Precipice

2008-11-04T19:40:00.021Z

I think when I 1st set this blog out, I was full of summer sun hope. Now the days are dark and short , I seem to be wallowing in a pity party or just possibly have the condition SAD going on?What comes with this pity party is a feeling that somehow I'm a fake - How can I be spiritual and talk of inner peace and calm and yet inside I'm feeling inner turmoil? How can I look after others and care for them if I don't get my own house in order? The thing Is I do want to get it in order ,dig up the foundations and re do them, but I cant see who too turn too to help me with it.

The other thought is ,how much do I disclose here before this space goes from "being in the light" to gradually standing in the dark looking into a big black gaping hole? It then self perpetuates , what you focus on is what grows doesn't it?

So how to share the whats going down here, but not the how I got here?

Whats going down? That's been a question of mine for many years , its the reason I took the road less travelled, finding a way to ride the storms I find with emotions and mind tricks. The problem is I'm having guilt in being human and not always feeling so spiritual. Guilt associated with having feelings that are less than peaceful and doing things that are basically not good for my soul, mind or my body.

I wrote the above about 7 days ago and its been a very strange time of roller coaster feelings and behaviour some days I'm surrounded by others but feel I'm in some glass box , were no one can see me or they do, but cant penetrate the surface to me inside.

In that time I have sought some help and hopefully will find some relief in that, although it may take some weeks to come about. I finally owned up to the things Ive been doing to sabotage myself to my parents and they have been checking on me every day since, I cant say more than that right now and I know I'm talking in code and being vague , but I'm holding several of my cards to chest here until I see fit to disclose more when I'm in a place to .

Ive been more open with some of the people around me, well within boundaries that is . Ive learnt some hard lessons the last few weeks ; firstly I'm learning for once In my life I don't have to tell all and sundry what I'm about and why, although unfortunately it can just come off as a vibe and secondly be careful who you share with for not everyone has the capacity for more than a surface kind of interaction and not everyone will safeguard your heart and being , not everyone wants to , and why should they.

May be this is a lesson in self forgiving , in being able to have low ebbs and know I'm still a great human being , still have something to give and still caring about others. I know some in this world will see me as flaky or a bit subdued right now, (I tell you the playground school run is trench warfare), but I know I will come through this again as I have done in the past, Ive been down further than this and come back again. I know what I'm about and if others don't see my heart and soul for what it is , then I cant do anything about that.

Despite this , some people around me have stepped up and stepped closer (whilst many have stepped away) and may be they are the main ones to concentrate on for now ,for aqquantances are fun , but when the chips are down ...................................yada yada. My work at my now closed development circle goes from strength to strength , although the good work I do , I feel, is more to do with the universal presence's/beings/spirits that help me rather than my doing.

Could all of this be a part of my re boot !??

I just want to say a thank you to the universal sources that are still with me and continue to want to work with me. I'm privileged to be able to do this work. Its what holds me in so many ways, it is as the cliche says , a lightness in the the dark . (I feel I'm making an acceptance speech, shine those oscars, theres one with my name on it!!).

Isnt it amazing how cathartic writing is.

Namaste

Stuck

2008-10-17T19:14:00.018+01:00

Will find inspiration and come back to this space!

Above is the sentence I put on here about 2 weeks ago, saved it to my edit posts menu with a blank page and have only come back to it today!!!

Before that I had a whole two paragraphs written in this space and found that I just couldn't post them and wiped them off as the content was all about some personal things happening socially. I don't know what that says about my integrity , but hey I'm being honest right now in the fact that Ive been drawing a blank since mid October in what to write here.

Despite this "writers block", or rather "what do I share with readers block", Ive had lots of varied life experience things going on : Much of those "personal things" had to do with friendships, trust and uneasy human interactions, some with my closed development circle and all the amazing phenomena we've been experiencing there, (which I'll share at another time when my words flow more freely) and some to do with my little girls and their growth. I know it all seems a bit vague but I'm needing some more time to digest the last few weeks and find a way of moving forward and learning from things whilst staying positive and not hurting myself in the process. I work every day balancing how I'm treated and how to treat others and its not always easy.

A good friend across the pond suggested I shut this down and start a fresh somewhere else , which might be a good idea considering all things. The only thing is I invested a lot of time and thought into this space and its design and I don't feel ready to move on from it. Its just something to consider as I don't think I can be as open as I would like here.

I also think this blog needs to have more of a USP to keep it fresh and vibrant. It would be good to get some ideas on how to progress this space and make it feel purposeful or just even a bit more spontaneous and freer. I need to do a bit of work chewing on some new material and revisiting the many notebooks and lists I keep, for this feels like the equivalent of tires going round and round in mud and I don't like it!!!!

I'm hoping that things will just sort of happen to get this moving again and normally it just does. I almost need to do the Internet version of a sage cleansing, ( now that might make for some good material?)!! Its possible that spirit have stepped back again as I'm known to try and juggle every plate going and then add some more, but lately its been much harder to keep it all going.

If anyone's got any ideas, that would be a great!!!

If you stay here whilst I sort of re boot a bit, that would be fab. I'm hoping its just another of my glitches in the programming !!!

Namaste to all those who visit here

Hana Mi

Wow 1000+ visitors to my blog !!!

2008-10-06T10:20:00.031+01:00

Its official, Ive had over 1000 visitors yeeeahhhhhhhh, I know thats nothing compared to many in this ere blog world , but for me in my world , its kind of cool ! I'm also waaaay past my blogs half birthday!

I think firstly I'd like to say hi to those who come here , I hope you stay and visit often and secondly Thank you , if you've stayed around to read this space, well done to you, you deserve a gold star for reading !!! It would be great to hear from you (even if you stumbled upon here by accident ) and I hope that some of you who drop by will leave some messages, as its great to hear from those who read my minds wanderings!

Soooo how do I mark this occasion ? Anyone have any ideas???? Id love to know how Im doing here , if theres a subject someone would like me to discuss or indeed if anyone has questions, I'll do my best to answer.

Right now my life is at a crossroads , my application has been handed in for Reiki volunteering to be seen by the Hospice board of trustees , my professional Indemnity insurance to be sorted this week and I'm in limbo , waiting at the bus depot , wanting to be on my way!!! I shall be soon I feel, but in the meantime I need to do things that are a help, give my life a bit more texture and get me by . I also need to find ways to really boost my energy , (well apart from having earlier or undisturbed nights and 6 am starts!) , as it fluctuates like a yo yo.

Here are a few things that have been happening ;

I have had some little synchronicities in a cluster and several with regards to a teeny little book I keep by my bedside and have had for many years . I use it as a sort of book of answers before bedtime, by asking "what is it I need to know? " and then opening it !! Its called Women Power and each page is an idea or action on how to deal with different aspects of life . Each time Ive opened it randomly lately the theme of the pages has directly related to the thoughts and ideas at that very time! It may seem generalised but the timing in relation to the goings on has been spot on. I like to think spirit is helping to say : "yes Hana Me , you are going in the right directions, keep on , keep on". Sort of like an employers appraisal!!!!

My little cupcake has been a little troubled of late as you may know from previous posts. An idea I had recently to help her think of things she enjoys , was to create her a Happy list, but as she doesn't write or read properly we thought it should be pictorial and also have short descriptions so she can try word recognition . When I happened to open the book that night , lo and behold it opened at the pages suggesting that a good way to stay positive is to write an appreciation list!

He the mans and I these days seem to be ships passing in the night : both busy with our daily lives ,both out on different evenings, not spending much quality time together , hardly having any time to catch up , so as normal one night last week after a particularly bickery grumpy evening together . Id mentioned that we seem distant of late. I opened the book and the page I came to immediately was called "get him to talk it over" and was all about getting your man to open up about things. This with he the mans isn't the easiest endeavour as hes very straight and a keep it to yourself kinda guy , but reading that just reminded me that we need to have some heart to heart time, Ill break him in gently and see!

Another time very recently was my mini crisis of motherhood last week , especially in concern with little cupcake , it came to loggerheads and I wasn't sure what to do or how to change things for the better for her, or us as a family . I again retired to bed and thought for a few minutes, opened the book and it was a section on respecting motherhood and remembering statements about doing our best and no mother is perfect. Funnily enough the same time I was given a tip by a mummy friend on how to handle night time worries for a child , a way to give recognition of fears and distract all at the same time . I tried it this weekend and it seems to have worked wonders, we had a marked improvement.

I will close out for now , as both of my girls are quiet in bed and my body is asking for some relaxation time away from the screen.

I leave you with this from the Gaia Community :

In shamanistic cultures, synchronicities are considered to be teachings as well
as sign indicating where one should focus one’s attention, such correspondences
demonstrate the usually hidden links between the individual psyche and the
larger world. Synchronicities express themselves through chance meetings and
natural events as well as in dreams and supernatural episodes – for instance,
among the Secoya
shamans, a dream of seeing yourself in the mirror suggests that you will soon
encounter a jaguar in the rain forest. Shamans see such temporal conjunctions as
essential aspects of reality, revealing its ultimately dreamlike and magical
qualities.

Daniel Pinchbeck
Source: 2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl, Page: 45

Guided by spirit?

2008-09-28T21:02:00.009+01:00

I really feel sometimes I have to get my life on track and give it direction and purpose. That's on some days , on others I like it just flowing were it needs to go and roll the waves. Not having to be anywhere except school and nursery runs and just being mum sometimes suits my stress level limits and yes I also get enjoyment just from that, just being mum ! I say just being mum , thats a whole layered life that not all people think happen, a great book I found that validated my very little life was this : What mothers do , Especially When It Looks Like Nothing!

Every now again significant markers show up on my path and say to me , hang on, there's something you need to do, something inside that's moving me somewhere else.

A few months back I contacted a Hospice local to school. Id been in touch with the manager several times about being a Reiki Volunteer and she seemed very keen , saying that they didnt have someone currently and that not many people come forward. She made me aware that she was leaving and new person was to take over. My details were to be passed on. Weeks passed and I contacted them again. This time new manager answered , he know nothing of me , not a good sign. Suddenly he has a therapy room manager and no room for anyone else to do Reiki. I don't know if this is ego (mine and hers) or just a feeling or a signal that this wasn't the right direction , but the therapy manager irked me somewhat. Her main state of play was that SHE did the reiki and didn't need anyone else, but I could just come in and help out with various other activities . This , as altruistic as it may be , just didn't connect, Ive trained for Reiki , I want to give Reiki , I have a route to pass on healing, I just have to do it. I felt a huge block and a feeling of discomfort around my interaction with this person. An application came in from her in my inbox, I started to fill it out and then just had to stop. I couldn't do it. So it was shelved so to speak.

Were was I to go, my time is limited , I have only mornings to do anything and cant go to far from nursery , otherwise I eat into my useful time travelling. Everything went on pause.

I continued to go to circle and do my development.

I was aware of a hospice down the road from my house , but for some reason I had vaguely dismissed it, (10 minutes drive back from nursery) but it was always in the back of my mind.

Suddenly a new person turned up at circle and lo and behold she works as a volunteer at the very Hospice down the road from me and also they had just lost a volunteer therapist.

See Im new on this path of inner belief , so its taken me some weeks to gather myself up into a more confident ball and throw it at the newness of this all. I took myself down there a couple of weeks back and introduced myself after this lovely new person at circle had put a word in for me.

My ideal was to do this work on Monday as a good start to the week, and also I could only work up till 11:30. So what sessions did they have available for patients? Yes , the very day and time I had been thinking was ideal! There and then she handed me the paperwork and hoped to see me again.

Im still in the space of : can I do this and will I be able to make a difference???? Its a whole new world for me. I will be dealing with patients who are terminal , my intensely emotional self , doesn't yet know how this will feel. Or what will be brought up. Its quite a big turn for me , having been treated for serious Post traumatic stress disorder related to medical experiences only 2-3 years ago. Why in my life do I always turn to look at the face of my demons? My original career went against the shy quiet type I may have been labelled as, and this , wellllll who would have known that the once me that would have a panic attack sitting in a hospital is now planning to sit at the head of a patient and look after them?

So Im now up to the stage of getting this horse out of the stable and giving something of myself back to others. I have yet to fill in forms , (thats a whole other new challenge, merging the old business me and the new me in an up to date CV) and get all sorts of insurance and police checks , but I hope by the end of the year things will have moved forward somewhat. I have yet to find my old CV on some external hardrive, its very London office (or Recruitmet agency)styleeee and not been updated for some time. I have to get this all done tout suite and feel Im harnessing the opportunity as soon as I can. Its a must, but my old ego head is slowing it down.

Is it a plan or an intention and if I dont seize it now, what will I miss? Will an intention work better than a goal or a dream. I hope so, it feels as if its all waiting for me , these things happening , as if jigswa peices have been slotted in , are not just happen chance. Will I be given a hand to organise it all and make it fit into place all the more easily, are they listening up there?!!!!!!

Think I have to get my cosmic order book out again ?!

Image care of Nicholas Arwin of Enhanced perceptions, amazing "visonary Art" site.

Its been a while

2008-09-12T20:21:00.016+01:00

I just wanted to post a little something to say I'm still breathing , still healing and still here, just!!!! I don't know were the time goes, I didn't realise I hadn't posted for 2 weeks. Before I knew it another week had flown by and then another one.

The end of August was marked by an early celebration of our wedding anniversary,(read all about it on Nosh of Love when my post is done). Wow 9 years has also flown by! Every weekend has been busy so far non stop and every day is filled to the brim with activities with my girls, mainly cupcakes friends. By the evening I'm goggle eyed and ready for - not much!

Us 3 girls are all ready in this house as of this coming Monday, for life to change yet again into a new routine ,bring it on! Little cupcake starts reception and pickle will have her 1st full week of nursery down the road. I will have a child free two and a half hours a morning, 3 days a week to heal the world, (well my local area world that is) !!!!!!

I'm thinking I'm kidding myself that I wont be choked up next week at sitting in my house- alone -suddenly realising my little babies are no longer babies! Ive felt a little rising here and there and I push it away!

The culmination of all that pushing away emotions and staying busy brought on a migraine attack of revolting proportions, the likes I haven't had for many many years. It stopped me in my tracks early this week and put a stop to any TV, PC or mobile phone viewing of any kind. I think my body was trying to tell me AGAIN that I just have to stop and slow it down sometimes and shut the world out a lot more than I do. After several hours of sickness my body just shut down on me I had no choice but to go to bed at 7pm and apart from my normal, I-want-my-dummy 2am call, awoke Wednesday 7am , a 1st in YEARS.

Today marks the last day of the summer holidays, tis been a long one,( for some reason I don't count the weekend!). Labels have to be collected to be ironed on around 30 garments and items and a psyching up for the next school stage to be done, both me and cupcake!

Ive had to bring out my Reiki hands on several occasions recently for our little cupcake. She seems to be going through a stage of nightmares and night terrors. Some of the visions shes been having are a bit unusual for a nearly 5yr old I have to say ; WARNING MINOR GRIM VISIONS FOLLOWING : blood soaked faces ,baby's being taken from cut stomachs and people being sucked by tubes (the tornado repeat performance from last week) . In some spiritual circles these may be explained as a sign of past life occurrences. I'm trying to work out whether shes seen this imagery on TV , although I don't give her access to news , medical documentaries, horror films or drama programmes.

The thing is you never know what they see in the millions of things that pass our eyes every day. I'm really not sure at all whats going on, for me , its possibly just an overwhelmed creative and sensitive imagination like her mums (she so needs some school to channel this)!!

I'm very careful to not implant any further ideas or deep explanations for her at this young age , especially nothing esoteric or deeply spiritual . I just always try and show her ways to use mind over matter with visualisations and positive imagery. So out come our "flava fairies" , who sit with her at a magical table and create ice cream for her in any flavour , or her imaginary friend "Isis" , who is her magical strong purple & green monster, who protects her and guards her.

Its taken all week of doing this for her to settle more calmly this evening. Well in relative terms that is, as I still had to go in 3 times to kiss a sore finger , find her water or do 5 minutes Reiki! Instead of an hour later of things, we had a mere half an hour!

Such is a mothers life!

10 tracks part3 Tornados

2008-08-29T09:00:00.010+01:00

My 10 new tracks this week as done by Monique at Escape Hatch

"10 songs that sum up your weekend...or were on your weekend play list...and one picture that relates back. (oh, and if you feel like it, tell us why you picked the songs you did)"

Here's what we heard on the way to the restaurant for my birthday on Saturday, more details of which will follow in Nosh of Love , when I get round to writing it that is!

Id like to say it was a wonderful night ,but my sensitive little cupcake was in state about something her cousin had said during the day and wasn't letting us go easily, but wouldn't at all explain what was wrong, she was just hysterical .She was so terrified and worried that we didn't get it out of her till Sunday night, (the relief in her little face bless) , so our evening was spent concerned that she was upset and unusually playing up. I felt like the worse mum in the world!

Basically my 6 yr old nephew talked about large tubes coming down and sucking people up, never to be seen again . We gathered from him on Monday that he was actually describing Tornado's!!! What a great and descriptive imagination he has. We've now been spending every evening since then explaining that Tornado's don't happen very often and never in London!

Back to the music! Much of this is from he the mans Ipod as we seemed to spend a lot of time in his car last weekend. He has his on shuffle and I think its a really good way of listening , you don't have to think and also you get tracks played you'd even forgotten you have!!

The only track that I couldn't find was The main theme from the film Grand Canyon by composer James Newton Howard, so Ive subbed it for London (track 7) from the film Blood diamond instead , as London seemed to be a big theme for the weekend , spending most our time in the in the centre of it!

Shine On You Crazy Diamond by Pink Floyd,

All Through The Night by Cyndi Lauper,

The Eternal Vow from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon by Yo yo ma & Tan Dun

The Bourne Identity Theme --->Dj Ally Mac <--- (ReMiX) by Skyfxl Records Presents - Dj Ally Mac,

False Alarm by KT Tunstall,

Just Like Heaven by Katie Melua,

London by James Newton Howard,

Kylie Minogue - White Diamond [Bonus Track] by Kylie Minogue,

If You Think You're Lonely Now by Bobby Womack,

Speed of Sound by Coldplay

Look for the player at the bottom of the blog to hear it

Its my birthday and ill cry if I want to !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-21T21:06:00.011+01:00

I didn't really have a birthday day today as such , although I had a quick meet up lunch with my mum on her work lunch break with my two girls and a visit to the park with li'l cupcakes schoolfriend. We have planned at the weekend , a lovely meal in a special restaurant on Saturday . You will hear more of which on Nosh of Love next week Im sure and a shopping trip into central London on Sunday to sort my Birthday pressie out from he the mans.

Ive felt a bit flat as I'm now much nearer to 40 than 30 today!

I know its only a number , and I know spiritually I shouldnt worry about age and time lines , but it just feels very weird. Its like were did all that time go, Im shocked I think !!!

Ive felt very much stuck the last few weeks and Ive been fixating on the wrong things : , Internet use, staying up late, not eating well , worrying about social life, other people and their reactions and things outside of me. I was told last night two things : 1) that all this distraction needs to stop 2) the opportunities I search for may not be the ones that come to be the right ones.

To clear all the debris away I need to have a good ole cry - healing tears of course - and get it out and get moving forward, I have work to do you see now. I really really have to start in earnest with my Reiki path . So I know I need to focus on the positives and last nights circle was a wonderful recap of the energy I can work with and the power I have in myself.

Image care of Erika on My Space , found on Dr.Romel Axibal at My Space

It was a lovely healing evening and one that was very very much needed. It really helped me get back in touch with my healing abilities and was nice to slow down and relax a bit. We spent the first half of the evening doing energy exercises : feeling our own energy by holding our hands out in front as if holding a football and feeling were you sense resistance. Shutting down and then re opening to universal energy and feeling the difference is mind blowing , even our resident sceptic to healing was blown away! As someone nicely put it last night, "Its the difference between holding a tennis ball and then holding a beach ball" !! We also did the same in pairs before and after breathing in Universal light and had to give the sitter one message about themselves . Its a wonderful way of really feeling the difference from every day being to the expanded energy we work with in medium ship and healing. We then grouped into Reiki levels and non Reiki levels and partnered up to practise and connect for a psychic or clairvoyant message for the recipient.

I felt it was actually easier to connect once we'd done the energy work and I need to remember the practise of it when working. It was also great to receive feedback on my healing as I generally only practise on my girls. I have done my father for 10minutes post Reiki II and he found it immensely soothing and my mother in law before my Reiki II, (which really is- at level I- as our teacher says an "inspired Spiritual healing") , but to get outside validation is great for this work. The sitter said she never normally relaxes , but that with my short session she very much felt deeply calmed. To know that I'm channelling something and this is having a strong effect is a great feeling. To know its helping someone feel good is the best feeling I could ever get. The healing I received from her in return was wonderful and the end to the evening at my lovely friends home - were she fed me after (spiritually and physically), gosh you get soooo hungry after circle- I think has helped me re evaluate some of the odd stuck place I got my head at recently.

Ive noticed the time and seen that its just after 11:30 pm. Normally I would keep going until way past midnight , but so I can get some much needed down time, I will keep this post briefer than normal and head off to get into sleep mode. If I set a small intention now , it may help discipline me through the days.

I thank the universe and the friends for the gift of their time and the experience of the evening.

Night all x

10 new tracks, 2nd birthday and a wordy break

2008-08-17T14:16:00.021+01:00

Image care of Microsoft clip art

As you may have realised Ive not been here much and I hope my readers will not disappear on me. My cupcake is on school holidays and shes been at summer camp a few days a week , but its now finished , but her school holidays continue for another 4 WEEKS!!!

I don't think its just the kiddies that get tired after a long school term , but us mums too. Especially when you mix in all the things I do , I feel like I have 4 different lives!! Ive been non stop busy day and night and not sleeping well either. Too much adrenalin kicking in (and old worry tapes) , to keep my body going, for late night internet usage is wrecking my eventual night-time shut down and I don't have time to do my Self healing Reiki session ! I think Ive become partially insomniac and its not good! So Ive had to take a bloggy break for a little bit here and there. I hope to continue to post but I may cut it back a bit to may be 1 post a week Im not sure yet , I just need to try managing my time everywhere a bit less hectically!!

I have continued to attend my circle and found I'm struggling there , despite being told my work is good , my teacher can see that my energy isn't up and I'm fluctuating a bit to much to have good clarity and flow . I definitely need to slow down a bit somehow! Someone picked up on me wanting to make a change to things and start a new endeavour - Reiki practise and Voluntary work- but I cant quite push through a block I have in starting it all and I need to do some work on that. I know what it is , but haven't sorted myself out as yet and need to do some thing about self discipline in all sorts of ways!

Anyway on to my 10 new tracks as done by Monique at Escape Hatch

"10 songs that sum up your weekend...or were on your weekend play list...and one picture that relates back. (oh, and if you feel like it, tell us why you picked the songs you did)"

I didnt find this an easy task this weekend (also play list.com dont always list the music I listen to here at chill radio). Ive not been in the car as much and when I have the Ipods been off as my in car chargers not working and I keep forgetting to charge it! I did drive he the mans car yesterday though and hes got his Ipod on random and some of whats on my play list is what came up.

It was my little cupcakes 2nd B'day yesterday and we had family over. I cant believe shes 2 , its like, were did that go? I cleared out her draw of grow bags and blankets this morning and got all choked at thinking her never being a baby again. I cant quite throw them out yet. Track 9 is dedicated to her as she has it on a cd I play her for bedtime, although its a different version to the one we have.

Image care of Microsoft clip art

He the mans and I also attended a friends Birthday party last night and both drank rather a lot. So we had to have a lovely norty fry up, us and the girls this morning scoffing outside on our deck together , alongside chill radio playing . I haven't done that for a very long time, eating together on the deck and it was a lovely brief fleeting moment of family time. As for the baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad fry up, everything in moderation I say!!!!

Chasing Pavements by Adele
Band Of Brothers Suite Two by Michael Kamen
Moondance by Van Morrison
Caravansary by Kitaro
Dream Catch me by Newton Faulkner
Know How by The Kings of Convenience
Cafe Del Mar `98 by Energy 52
Journey by The gentle People
An Irish Lullaby (Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ra) by The Brobdingnagian Bards
Belle by Jack Johnson

Behind the rip curl

2008-08-03T21:04:00.014+01:00

Image care of MagicSeaweed (check out the photographs - awesome!)

I have a theory, (it might be crackpot but here goes), when propelling yourself forward in a new direction , healing the old and becoming a new , a momentum has to build to carry you forward. I spoke to my father about changes and introspection today and he mentioned the catastrophe theory(used more in sports performance), but I couldn't find anything on that that I could quite understand . It also didn't quite correlate as the metaphor for my journey of late.

To me whats happening is more of a "behind the rip curl " stage : As the sea rises into a large wave from the edge of the shore it creates a curve that builds power and momentum. Taking in the flow and the power of the sea behind and before the point of forward propulsion , it is in reverse and rises higher looking back on itself before the final leap over its original direction , to join the shore again. A surfer stands within the curl using its energy to ride through. I think that's were Id like to be , that is what I aspire to , symbolically speaking , letting it all happen around me , able to stand within and be less affected. At the moment I'm sitting behind that curve waiting to leap up on the top and catapult into my new way of being, traversing a new path.

As with all healing, learning & changing you will go through a period of discomfort ,a temporary detachment, may be extra pain, feeling low, unsure and may be some extra heartache. It may feel like all the old tapes are playing and all old behaviours have come back to sit on your shoulder , you may feel awkward and have a great unease. Sounds great doesnt it!!

There's a reason for this , unpleasant as it may be . It is so that you can see what it is that needs to be dealt with , what needs a re think , what new ways need to be learnt and what is needed no more - ahhhhh to get rid of things , not only do I horde in my house , I horde old ways in my head!! Great and positive changes can occur after this stage, but unfortunately it cannot be avoided, whats needed is some support along the way - writing about it is one way , talking to others on the same path is another , oh and also some silly distraction, like working on surfing metaphors, to help along the way!

Image care of Made in England by Gentlemen

Where do think you are on the rip curl ? I think I might just be the ickle bitty fish above !!?

10 songs

2008-07-29T12:03:00.011+01:00

The first iPod??

Image care of Stoker at safety joke

following Moniques latest post

"10 songs that sum up your weekend...or were on your weekend playlist...and
one picture that relates back. (oh, and if you feel like it, tell us why you
picked the songs you did)"

Here's my current playlist. Its sorta jumbled and eclectic. I often play them in the car when doing my little tiddles taxi service and I get asked to play several of them over and over!

Some are from waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back , some are different versions of my own as I cant find them , some are fun , ones about being persistent , some are about introspection or not being introspective, some are about love and relationships whether its the difficult bits or the joy of it . Alot just speak to me on different levels . Its all a bit of mix like me really !

Closer by Ne-Yo (I'm feeling the bit about "I just cant stop")
Try Again by Aaliyah
American Beauty by Thomas Newman
Don't Look Back by Telepopmusik (little cupcake has just said this reminds her of summer)
Para un Angelito by Monica Ramos
With every heartbeat by Robyn (cupcake shouts the words out to this in the back of the car!)
1 Thing by Amerie
Whenever Wherever by Shakira
Versions of Violence by Alanis Morissette
Think about me by Artful Dodger

If you want to listen Ive added the play list widget at the bottom of my blog.

Spirit intervenes

2008-07-28T18:17:00.016+01:00

It seems they want me to STOP !!!

Sometimes you just have to stop as you have no choice; Stop the dialogue, stop the brain activity, stop talking, stop writing, stop running around and just BE. It’s not been easy and in some cases we just had to - well sort of, having been to 5 different social events including 2 parties in 5 days!!- hence the reason for so little posting - I apologise for anyone who actually reads this stuff and enjoys the lid being removed from my head every now and again, for having nothing fresh to write about for nearly a week except my nostalgic and sentimental video- more about the reasons for that soon!

Over the weekend and in less than 48hrs all our lights blew and the house was in total darkness, the front door bust and it could not be locked or unlocked, and we had to stay at home all day Saturday for the locksmith and electrician to rescue us! Then over the last few days my laptop keeps freezing and yesterday I found that the pads of my toes and just below are all swollen and sore, except I don’t recall having any accident or hurting myself, strange huh? It’s not the first time this sort of thing has happened either.

I realise I don't sit down and I'm not in my house for most of the day. When home I'm running up and down the garden rescuing little pickles and cupcakes, washing up, cooking, bathing kids and getting us all ready to go out. When out I’m, shopping, collecting or dropping off cupcake , involved in training classes for Reiki and mediumship on Sundays every few weeks, rushing to get to circle in the evening middle of the week or some other evening school social event or just standing here at the laptop writing for my 2 blogs.

All of it involves activity (non stop), whether it be of the mind and body or with the expressive spaces I need to have; constant writing daily. I’ve mentioned before being grammatically challenged and when life gets hectic it’s sometimes even more of a push.

He the mans despairs of me in the evenings, as I can’t stop and just sit with him. I'm constantly in a state of flux, forever needing mental stimulation or distraction, thinking up new subjects to discuss or food ideas to make for Nosh of Love , (well for he the mans to make!). The result of which, I don't get to sleep till near 1am and average 6hrs a night of sleep. This I’ve found is really not enough for me. The end result lately is a lovely mix of, as you can see from my last post: irritability, tearfulness and behaviour no better than a 5 yr old and a feeling that I can’t do it all for everyone, oh and a messy house!!!!

I'm not aiming for sympathy here , a lot is my own doing , as I know I stretch myself in too many different directions and am now endeavouring to put myself through a course of CBT to top it all off , but I wonder : How many of us are like this and use it to avoid sitting alone with our thoughts? Also, how do we fit it all in with children and get to bed early? (Yes I know the main answer is you don’t!!).

So I sense that many would say, cut some of it out. This may mean less blogging or just less social events for my girls and me on my own time in the evenings or weekends. The deeper issue being: why am I avoiding the alone time, what is it I need to get hold of in me and cut out? My main dichotomy is I like to be alone, quiet, free spirited and not tied to anyone or anything, but also on the flip side, I’m keen on moving my life in a new direction and I love being with others and going out!!

I'm aware that I need to meditate more, as this is key to making lots of areas flow better in life, but this constant adrenalin kick means I find it hard to switch off and flick to down time.

My main thought is to just turn the laptop off, (or not even turn it on, GASPPPPP) , not allow the TV to go on at all and just go straight up to my room , (the most peaceful space in this house) , after my girls bed time and just sit with my iPod and here’s a little tip for those who find it hard to go alone on this and need some help , listen to the collection of guided meditations I’ve downloaded through iTunes from PodcastAlley.

I then also factor in not being with he the mans till late and then I'm back to my dilemma of how to make time for meditation and everything else I seem to need to do.

See it just goes to show, one can’t always practise what they preach, (or in my case and here’s my reverse self righteousness), use the tools I know very well how to use!

Sometimes you just can’t do it all and sometimes spirits do things so you can’t do it all, whilst writing this my server decided to slow down to a snails pace and then came to a complete STOP. I had to quickly save this to word to continue it and prevent its loss.

It seemed they didn’t want me on the laptop last night either to finish this post, as my browser then wouldn’t even load. I think the message finally got through ; I need to relax more and find a more balanced approach!!!!

So yes spirit, my laptop went off for the rest of the evening and as you know I sat in the garden for dinner!!

I am now trying to get this is out in the blogger world this morning.

Namaste all

X

Use Sunscreen

2008-07-23T12:41:00.003+01:00

Tears , tired, these words :

Monique asks :

2008-07-21T21:22:00.013+01:00

Image care of Feuillu on Flickr - Light lines (cc)

Another great question was posed in my comments to me by Monique last week and I thought it was such a good one that it inspired another post and a way to introduce a little more about what I do.

When you say you are a healer, how does that comes into play w/ your gift? I
hear healer and try to combine it w/ your gift and think uber concentrated
psychiatry.

Now brace yourselves for the tree hugging bit , its coming , so press pause on your belief systems for a minute!

A spiritual or Reiki healer, (these being different methods or modality's), is merely a channel for universal energy, divine essence, universal light, G%d light, life force or divine light . Call it what you will, it basically boils down to sending through unconditional love from the other realms beyond the physical to another by the laying on or laying over of hands. When I heal ,(in whatever modality) its not actually me doing the healing. I'm purely a vessel/channel source to send it through to the recipient. Do you need me to connect with this ? Probably not ,but not everyone allows themselves the time or the space to enjoy these moments. So going to a healer initialy may be a very good way to start.

There are many who don't see it as a gift and many see it as unproven and according to law I'm not actually even allowed to say that I'm channeling or healing anything. If I'm able to see-clairvoyance-, hear clairaudient- or feel - clairsentience -, a passed relatives of yours it is now deemed to be entertainment only. So wording what I do has become a very tricky thing indeed.

My "gift" comes into play when doing mediumship work, as I suppose I don't feel that my gift is healing ,yes it is a gift to be doing the work and be "of service" to others, but I feel more that mediumship is were I seem to have some kind of ability.

I can be doing healing and yes very much pick up on things physical , but according to healing codes of conduct I'm not allowed to prescribe or diagnose from this sensing as I'm not a doctor. I can guide someone to may be see a GP or even just be careful in one area or another and again that's hard as there are so many layers of organs, muscle and tissue. I cant pretend to know the anatomy either. Well that is unless your laying there with a 6pack! I will not be claiming to cure , neither to eradicate any illness or diseases. I can tell you you will be relaxed , may sleep better or just feel calmer, if because of this you feel better or your disease coincidentally improves , I will not be able to say that it was due to my work. So yes I can say what I do is beneficial and enhancing for your life.

I may very well pick up on things to do with your personal life , but again ,as Ive been asked to do healing , then healing is what I will offer. Once I cross over into merging the two , then clients would just come on the pretext of healing and end up receiving a reading to , (and I'd have to charge a two for one offer!!!!). Yes I will be using the same energy to heal and do a reading , (when I say reading , I mean psychic - personal and about YOU- or clairvoyant and about linked passed relatives or friends), but I will try my hardest to keep them very separate. I hope to always work with integrity , so with regards to personal information ,(like you may be kissing someone who's not your boyfriend, or your mums a secret agent, or you haven't bathed for 4days !!!), I would keep it in the strictest confidence.

With regards to any psychiatry (ooh shiver!!) , I wouldn't want to go into those realms and don't even dare to, I'm probably more of a mess than they are!!!!!!!

Basically I just want to give you a bit of lurrving and not the touching kind!!!! Well may be your heart!

Beautiful

2008-07-17T22:36:00.005+01:00

Shabda - Mike Oldfield

Going back a bit further

2008-07-17T00:46:00.004+01:00

A few days back I thought it would be good to connect via blogs with other like minds, so during my search I found this informative spiritual blog. Late nights seem to be my blog catch up time, so tonight after my circle groups dinner get together (we like to do something even if the class is off every now and again for continuity) , I had a little look at it. Whilst writing up my becoming post this afternoon , I thought to myself I’m sure I’ll forget some of the things I used to do in my teens with all things spirit and lo and behold the latest post on Lucid is her experiences when younger with meditation and Ouija boards in the garden of her home. It sparked off a memory of a very interesting time.

I’ve recently got connected again with a very old friend from school and it was with her at around 15-16 or so that I encountered my 1st séances and guided meditations with our young friend J from the States. We would go and sit in his lovely rambling house not far from were I lived, with all the lights off and candles lit en masse. I think we did it mainly as parlour games, but I knew inside that I loved every minute.

The evening would start in his lounge, all silly and joky and as the night progressed things would get eerier and eerier. We would then move to the dining room were we all sat in the dark holding hands (screaming no doubt at all the noises) and then end on his bed (all of us) all laying like sleeping lions with him saying in slow tones “ you are now standing on an escalator and as you go down , you feel your whole body becoming heavier………….” . I’m not sure if at this point I sensed anything except the hairs on the back of my neck standing up , but I just couldn’t get enough of those evenings.

So at every opportunity when I got the chance I would steer things in that direction: Whether it be at college with the Ouija board sneakily during class times hiding in the toilets with our cigarettes, (were my late grandmothers name was clearly spelled out and I was only an onlooker), or in various homogenous dorm rooms, with booze and again screaming. I do remember though one evening where things got very creepy and nasty. The answers coming out on the board being of a very unpleasant nature that I thought to myself, I’m not sure if this was how I wanted to experience things in that way anymore. I remember walking away from the board and not wanting to go near it for a very long time. Possibly this may have set me on the quest for the proper way to do things, this is when all the right books started coming my way.

Ask and thee shall find

Becoming

2008-07-15T23:46:00.009+01:00

Image care of Amazon.co.uk

Monique at escape hatch asked me a very good question last night and that was :

How did I become aware of my abilities.

I think its in many people , we just don't switch the button so to speak , well psychic abilities that is. Not every psychic can be a medium Ive been told, but every medium is psychic. Intuition being the 1st rung on that ladder and then simple little things like knowing exactly who's on the phone , even when its someone unexpected or hasn't phoned for a long time. I used to freak my sister out with this one!

I had always read books on this side of life starting in my teens , the 1st very influential book was an old copy of a Shirley McClain's called Out on a Limb . I just couldn't put it down, totally hooked I was on its contents. After that I went to great lengths to find all of her books in the series and the out of print books too, (remember Amazon, or for that matter the Internet, wasn't around then in the late 80's), so it was all the old book shops on Charing cross road , were I went to college at the time. After that I just started syphoning books of this type like crazy. You could say Ms Mclain was my main initial inspiration.

I found James Redfield Celestine Prophecy to be the next eye opener for me and strangely enough at the time , whenever on the underground or at work, virtually the whole carriage or canteen was reading it too. I think this may have been around 1994. My father had always been very sensitive to these things also , so I may have been influenced in that way too , to see other things besides our every day human existence. I have so many books on this subject I could start my own library , which all sounds great , but really is a symbol of my over indulgence in this area, but that's me all over , when I get a new thing, its obsessive to start with. Lately though I haven't found the same need for it all and the thought of reading so intensely now feels totally off key and a case of too much input. I'm living, seeing and feeling it more now rather than needing to know what its all about if you get my drift.

It sounds cliche , but as a child I started getting visions and dreams and odd things happening to me. I feel also I may have been guided somewhat by the other side so to speak , as in early 2000 I had a reading done in Sedona Arizona by a famous medium called Ray of Sedona , who suggested I would become a teacher/healer of sorts, but not in the normal sense. He said many things that came about and he said it would be in the next 5-6 years and yes those 5-6 years are right at this point in time. That trip was extremely synchronistic , as I had just started my own furniture design firm and my 1st big contract was sent to me the day before we left to go to Arizona. It was to design a dining and lounge range based on the early American Prairie and Arts and Crafts movement and weirdly the area we were staying in was the homestead of the Architect and designer Frank Lloyd wright and his Famed house Taliesin West. Without any prior information from me Ray of Sedona in my reading had mentioned clients, portfolios and art, working with wood and design!!!

One of the biggest catalysts was the challenging experience I had giving birth in 2003 and the aftermath. 3 months after cupcake was born I was diagnosed with post natal depression/PND , but it wasn't until I was pregnant with pickle more than 2yrs later that they realised I didn't have typical classic post natal depressive behaviour and later re diagnosed me with post traumatic stress disorder/PTSD, (due to incidences in the labour then birth, leading to hemorrhaging and then transfusion 24hrs later as my haemoglobin was dangerously low and I was critical). This is were I started getting the right help, although emotionally painful it was very transformative.

I don't really talk about it that much any more but it led me to find another way to think about how to live in this world and find some sense of coming together in my mind, body and spirit. At the 1st diagnoses of PND I put myself through about 8 months of hypnotherapy. In many ways I feel it opened up a portal , so to speak , to another world beyond this. The PND unfortunately brought on severe panic attacks and increased Agoraphobia and I just would not accept it becoming a permanent affliction . I feel in me the PTSD took low level every day anxieties and amplified them a thousand fold, although luckily I don't get the attacks any more , thanks to the hypnotherapy but you don't ever forget what they were like. An experience like that is so profound that there is no way you can be the same ever again , there was much talk about litigation at the neglectful treatment I was given in hospital , but to me it was more important to heal and gain strength , rather than put myself and the family through more distress. In a weird way looking back now I'm almost thankful for it. In strange way it has taught me a great deal about compassion , acceptance , judgment and inner power.

Luckily I sailed through my next birth in 2006, (sort of!), but this was aided by the use of Hypnobirthing , a form of self hypnosis and sequential breathing styles for each stage , as some of the trauma from the 1st birth had left its mark obviously and I had to find a way to deal with the impending ,(& terrifying to me), birth that I had no way of getting out of!! Despite having to clean up some of the debris of fears and anxieties about birthing , hospitals and anything medical , doing the hypnobirthing was a further level up the ladder in terms of being able to meditate and find quiet inner time , which was were the sense other things besides the here and the now became stronger . Three weeks before birth you listen to a specially designed hypnosis cd for preparation and its very much akin to guided meditation, so you could say I took a crash course! Through this work and the pre natal learning sessions I was able to see everything in such a different way , as a part of me had been unlocked and that part was were I found glimpses of my inner power and confidence within. For me the whole pre and post natal time was a very liberating and uplifting experience and it made me want to work with healing and helping others even more.

I have been asked to write about this part of my journey into motherhood before in order to help others , but have never been able to communicate it on paper. Ive only roughly skimmed the surface here of what happened , but this is the 1st time Ive been able to get it written in any way shape or form and be able to remain detached from it . I dont want to dredge too much of it up , but also I think my hesitation here is partly I feel there is more work to do on this area and also theres some fear to deal with regarding others responses to it.

In early 2007 I noticed the rate of coincidences coupled with strange electrical things happening at home increasing phenomenally and of course that piqued my interest even more. He the mans and I would be conversing on a random subject and keep seeing tv programmes or adverts totaly related show up right there and then. Every electrical gadget was either breaking or would just stop and start or even turn on unaided randomly. At one point every watch I wore just stopped and still every phone I get the battery dies within a few short months. Someone was trying to get a message to me any which way they could, as its when I joined my circle and my late Papa was coming through every week to different mediums. Its suggested that spirit do these things to get you to notice them and help steer you onto the right path. This is when I started getting all those hearts I have shown here on occasions . Well it certainly got my notice ,as he the mans even commented on all the weirdness and it made me think that may be I ought to start using my abilities more and shape my life in such a way that I can help and heal others.

Anyway essay over for now ! I didnt plan to answer a question via a post of epic proportions , but it must have needed to come out! Writing it here and now couldn't be more timely , as only a few days ago I ended my Reiki 2 21 day cleanse and this has given me a chance to take a look back at my experiences so far and see how far Ive come and how much Ive learnt and grown.

Remember a while back I needed some courage to explain myself , well this was what I needed it for . I thank you Monique for paving a little way on my journey so far.

Im an ENFP???????

2008-07-15T09:01:00.005+01:00

Ive been trying to catch up on blogs I read regularly , but fail miserably to get round and as I'm home this morning with a little poorly pickle, I had a spare 10 mins whilst she languishes my little thing in the front room.

I came upon this at 23BeecHill's lovely craft blog and you know me , I cant resist a little test. Blogthings tests are quite fun too.

I just wish I knew what an ENFP was though , any ideas what these abbreviations mean?

Id say its pretty spot on , which is a bit scary actually.

You Are An ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.

You are also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority and rules.

Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.

You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller!

In love, you are quite the charmer. And you are definitely willing to risk your heart.

You often don't follow through with your flirting or professed feelings. And you do break a lot of hearts.

At work, you are driven but not a workaholic. You just always seem to enjoy what you do.

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

How you see yourself: compassionate, unselfish, and understanding

When other people don't get you, they see you as: gushy, emotional, and unfocused

What's Your Personality Type?

goooo onnn , you know you want to!!!

little seance synergies

2008-07-10T11:58:00.019+01:00

I spent the other night whilst writing my last post looking for a perfect image to capture what sitting circle meant. Whilst looking on Google images for "development circle" I found many images like this :

this

and finally I settled on this

(although my very fussy and particular mind still wasn't quite pleased!). I have another image which conveys it all perfectly and can be found on here at the very top , but I didn't dare use the image , for copyright reasons.The site has an energy I'm not really sure I like either , but that's a whole other post hey!

The seance images didn't really capture what we do every week, and to be honest , we don't really sit at a table holding hands for 2hrs in the dark, but the images nonetheless piqued my interest . I'm now further intrigued to find out more about famous and notorious (yes some were found to be fraudsters)mediums from way way back. A famous one being Florrie cook.

To me the phrase and images of a seance felt quite old fashioned if not quite a typical and stereotyped idea of what goes on in these types of circles. Our circle is different every week and entails all aspects of spiritual endeavours ; healing , Reiki , psychic , medium ship, pyramid trance , meditation, rostrum practise ,oracle & tarot cards, divination , Ouija board , automatic writing , inspirational talking and so much more.

And yes we do tend to sit in a circle , but mainly as its quite a nice way to work. The only time we hold hands is to say a little prayer to other side to start us off in the right way. A sign of respect I suppose to what we are doing and an intention to do it with love and care, (not necessarily always with all the fluff though)!!!!!!

but last night at circle only a handful of people turned up and I think "inspirationally" our teacher decided we could have some fun with a traditional seance. It struck me so full of synchronicity , especially after my link to the T-Mobile advert and that Id been doing a little research on what went on in old seances of the early 1900 this week. If they are at the forefront of popular culture right now, then last nights activity was a case of the teacher tapping into the universal mind me feels, it struck him as quite a coincidence anyhow. They really are not that much different now I suppose in how we conducted the event. I thought that may be it wasn't the thing to do anymore as Ive not heard of groups doing them, but hey anything goes huh in this different-to-the- norm- life Ive been working in lately.

So all the lights were turned down , a candle lit on a small table in the centre and hands were held. It was quite a good evening and the energy felt really strong and consistent. We each took it in turns to see if we could come through with someone clairvoyantly.

We had opened the evening doing an energy exercise involving deep breathing and drawing in light from above and below to start with , which taught us a really strong way to open up to the other-side and I think that helped enormously with our connections that evening, I for one felt like Id taken something heavy and not necessarily prescribed, which cant be to bad for just breathing and seeing light !!!! What came through I got validation for from one of those sitting , which was great for both of us . We even started seeing what others were when they were reading another person , even down to what a sitters grandparent had in their kitchen , which is always a great validation for all in the group and makes it quite exciting , who needs drugs hey?!

It just goes to show one has to approach all of this with a sense of fun , openness and experimentation in mind, (funny teacher said that last night , as Jeff Phillips also said the same on Sunday, odd little themes are showing up to me lately). It makes for a much better experience and I feel for one that it has enhanced my life tenfold. Others might think it crazy stuff, unfathomable , (even I do sometimes) , but it doesn't matter , I enjoy it , it gives my life great meaning and purpose that we continue after. I cant explain it totally ,I just feel Im meant to be doing all of this.

Today I will mostly be reading.............

2008-07-06T19:59:00.008+01:00

people that is.

Ive not long returned from a days class with this chap , the psychic postman.

Its been a long long but enjoyable and challenging day using several abilities, mainly clairvoyant & clairaudient , but we also did some physchometry tests too with 3 of Jeff's own items. I was totally off on all but a photograph of his family. I have to learn (getting better at it after a year or more of sitting circle , to just brush of the -insert game show incorrect answer buzzer sound- moments) and as a medium in the learning seat there are many!! My main teacher says there are no rubbish mediums , just rubbish sitters, mainly suffering from Psychic amnesia!!!!! I'm still not sure I believe him , as some days , you just feel like one of those "rubbish mediums"!

Through the day I got some things right and several bits way way off , but overall it was a great validation day for me. I often give the best readings when Ive had to struggle to connect with the information, so I have to start believing that in those moments as I may well have some gems for sitters.

Jeff is a very bubbly and excitable guy and I didn't think there was anyone else who could talk more than me!

Doing a class like this in my work, which means you are using your abilities in a continuous stream for several hours, is a really good way to improve and take things to another level. I'm looking forward to finding some other courses over the rest of the year. It keeps you fresh and on your toes to work with different mediums and its also a privilege to have a day with others who are clearly amazing at their craft.

I am knocked out body, mind and spirit tonight, as being "on" all day is quite draining and I really need to zone out and sleep , but knowing me I'll be on here or watching TV instead.

Anyone know where my off button is??

cringe or laugh

2008-07-05T17:45:00.013+01:00

I just saw this today :

I did laugh. Oh the relevance of it all! I have actually seen this being done at classes, were the mediums voice and stance is totally different and not their own.

It does tickle me but why do they have to all be portrayed as strange looking people? Does T-Mobile think that it will be appealing to the masses? Or is it all done for the comedic value and cult following? I think of the unusual characters in the phones 4 u adverts here.

and no I don't look like mystic meg!!!

My down shift should be going up soon!

2008-07-03T12:41:00.016+01:00

I'm a bit blah right now and I have so much good stuff to write about still in relation to my Reiki 2. I'm just storing it away for a little more time until I can put the right kind of energy into it.

Ive been listening to the likes of this :

I was going to put it onto one of those immediate broadcast widget things,but I cant find a free one and to be honest you would hear it non stop always on here! Even though its fab , I wont make you suffer as well (or for that matter me)!

It resonates so deeply that I played it 3-4 times yesterday and this morning , don't you just love a bit of Alanis for some inner work and a good deep bawl! Its whats at its heart that needs to come out and be dealt with. It says all that I need to be working on right now, but the fact that it is an unseen affliction means that your invisible struggles can be deemed unimportant, especially if you seem to appear OK on the outside. I mentioned in my 2 words meme that I feared loosing children the most , but the main thing that drives my down side is the constant barrage in my head. It doesn't matter whether someone is wonderful with me or revolting I wont believe or like either, no one can win! The 1st one I will discard as (and do the giver a great disservice, looking gift horse in mouth springs to mind!), untrue and false nicety and the latter I will have little films in my head with the person involved were I make them see they are wrong about me and explain myself silly!

I was talking this morning about the down times in our lives and my friend felt that they actually are an important aspect of our lives. I want to know the whys and the wherefores though! My father was the same , and he was told he wanted to know too much. I mentioned Biorhythms and how they can affect all aspects of our lives as they ebb and flow up and down.

Ive now tried 3 online charts for the calculation of them and they are all the same right now , emotions , physical and intellect are all at the low point and there's no getting away from it! This is one of them for today from Bio Chart :

Sometimes we just have to accept that we're are in a down turn and wait to ride the storm out without to much control. Easier said than done and how does one operate with all around you when all you want to do is hide and cry and "wallow" as my friend M said? Especially when your a social creature? As you've noticed I'm not great with being gentle and caring with myself! Its something I need to get better at ; making allowances for not operating at 100% all the time.

Its actually quite hard for me to almost own up to these periods in my life. In spiritual circles , one has to find a way to be uplifted and master of all , and yes doing the work I do just focuses the mind on the good stuff, but sometimes being human and feeling, it cant always be so. You feel that if you are to help others then how can you need help or support yourself?

I feel that may be in the long term it will help immensely with the compassionate side of my journey and keep a check on the frivolous and laisseez faire tendencies we can all have for others.

Its just a bit yuck whilst it happens.

So in the meantime I need lots of these , my girls will be all cuddled out :

Weirdly found on a blog called ALAS ! Alas- Alanis - get it?!!!!

Reiki cleanse day 8/21 and Im blue

2008-06-30T19:34:00.011+01:00

Image care of Kathy McConnell at Reiki the healing path

Well its purple day actually (3rd eye) according to the Chakras and were I am in the number of days working through the body and I'm feeling quite out of sorts. Its quite normal post Reiki attunement to feel a great high and then with all the clearing of years of debris , to feel similar and familiar lulls and low ebbs in much the same way before any work has been done to cleanse. Its as if you have gone right back to the beginning again. In much the same way a counsellor of the Psychological kind has to go through several years of therapy before becoming a good therapist, doing healing and Reiki training so to speak encompasses almost a similar process but of the spiritual kind. Its just not always the most pleasant experience, as you start to relive old habits , old situations , but with new people and new circumstances. This web site explains it very well , and synchronistically is playing a very meaningful piece of music to me and says a lot to me about my path and were I am on it now!

I realise that unlike last time I’m not writing prolifically in my journal or for that matter here in the blog. I wanted to record every moment so as to see the changes, but I just haven’t felt like it. For one thing I need control my laptop time and secondly I've wanted to avoid the intense inner gazing I do inside my head non stop and this has prevented me from wanting to write on my blog and on here. Although Ive been able to write away non stop on my food blog , so I'm wondering what it is that I wish to avoid by writing here?

As the days pass and I come back to my journal with entries missed I can’t help but feel that I may be missing things that are crucial to my Reiki development and spiritual awareness. Although on the other hand if there is nothing of note, there is no point in recording it either, otherwise it will end up full of forced words and searched meanings, rather than a true account.

Ive had a low level headache for 2 days and yet I’ve rested more and gone to bed earlier than normal, uncharacteristically turning the laptop off at 10:30 last night. An old Sunday feeling of dread anticipating the week arose last night giving me an old familiar feeling like a gap, hole or empty pit in my centre feeling arose , call it what you will, I haven’t felt for some months and I’m not sure what it’s telling me.

Writing about my Reiki 2 day does lift me up a bit and I have at this point written a whole section on the days experience in my journal. I again don’t know why I’ve procrastinated about it, as it was a lovely and calming experience and very rewarding to feel such a change in my healing connection. I need to capture it as a reminder of what I need to do as there were many messages in my mediation. I don’t know if I will recall it all in the way it happened , as for the 1st time I'm finding it harder to extract information after a meditation , but as long as I get the essence of what was coming to me , I hope that will be enough as a reminder.

When its not so late and I can make sure its readable , I will post a summary of how the day went. Its not an easy feat , as much of what is told and shown in an attunement is meant to be kept sacred and private. So the art will be to get across the feel of it but not all the content!

This is where I bid all who come here a goodnight for now. I’m learning that I need to shut this laptop down before 12, otherwise Cinders rags show up!! Or rather Hana Mi's mind and body ends up like rags with lack of sleep!

2 words, go on you know you want to!!!

2008-06-30T12:40:00.006+01:00

1. Where is your cell phone? jean pocket
2. Your significant other? he the mans
3. Your hair? front clip
4. Your mother? working now
5. Your father? city working
6. Your favorite thing? pj time
7. Your dream last night? cant recall
8. Your favorite drink? watermelon juice
9. Your dream/goal?centred well
10. The room you're in? Kitchen Conservatory
11. Your ex? Not right
12. Your fear? losing children
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? fulfilled working
14. Where were you last night? out eating
15. What you're not? unkind cruel
16. Muffins? iced plain
17. One of your wish list items? New kitchen
18. Where you grew up? Oakwood London
19. The last thing you did? Feed child
20. What are you wearing? jeans top
21. Your TV? on mute
22. Your pet(s)? have none
23. Your computer? world window
24. Your life? scheduled chaos
25. Your mood? grumpy low
26. Missing someone? yes but..............
27. Your car? black tiguan
28. Something you're not wearing? socks jumper
29. Favorite Store? Fauchon Paris
30. Your summer? garden steamer
31. Like someone? don't know
32. Your favorite color? coral orange
33. Last time you laughed? last night
34. Last time you cried? minutes ago
35. Who will re-post this............................... my followers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

after a special day I retire to slumber

2008-06-22T23:14:00.009+01:00

I go to bed now ready to fully embark on my Reiki practitioner journey. Tomorrow is the start of my 2nd 21day cleansing ritual post Reiki attunement to level 2 today.

I opened my word journal again this evening, after a 40day ish break, to continue again the recording of the next steps for me in the direction of healer/counsellor.

This is were I need to sort out in my head this week were I record things. Do I divulge all my experiences here , or write it all out in my journal and then paste in the bits I can feel comfortable sharing? May be by writing I can help answer it in my stream of thought.

At the end of the main session we took it in turns to practise our new raised level of healing, having received visually all the sacred symbols to be used in our practise. After receiving Reiki healing myself today I felt much slowed down , wanting to be serene, quiet and take rest. I started the day wound up a bit like a cog, after some unusual events late last night, witnessing an attempted burglary at my parents home!

I have so much to say on my day’s experiences, but I feel I need to contain it a little longer and allow my head to rest and digest it all. I will then divulge all the days’ wonderful visions, happenings and emotions. The synchronicity was amazing and has to be recorded lest I forget!

6 quirks and 3 things no one knows

2008-06-22T19:44:00.011+01:00

Ive been tagged twice once by Monique and then also Barbara, (I think?Holiday heads made me go on laid back mode) , and after 2 reminders of my homework being presented to them I thought Id better do it hey.

I dont know if its boring or Im in denial about myself , but I really struggled with this. So after reading some of Moniques (wow), I was a bit more inspired to write about some of mine, (all of about 4 up until 10:00 this evening !).

Heres the rules from Marf , although I cant tag him as it came from him to Monique , then onto Barbara and well the rest is history!!!!!!

Link to the person that tagged you
Mention these rules on your blog
List 6 unspectacular quirks of yours
Tag 6 bloggers by linking to them
Leave a Comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

me 6 nuttydoms :

1) I HAVE to have a properly made bed; duvet all straight and in the right way , no skew wifs or twisty bits. The same with pillows and the fitted sheet, they have to be flat and straight and neat an smooth. I also do a weird thing and iron them on the bed! I know its odd , but I have a nearly super king size one and it takes too long on the ironing board.

2) I love salty real butter on bread , but absolutely NO WAY in a sandwich with fillings. BLUERGH BLUERGH BLUERGH!!!

3) I horde EVERYTHING ; shoes , bags , books , magazines , receipts , brochures , business cards and more . You name it I have a pile of it somewhere! Husband despairs of me, but I have found ways to hide things away!

4) I cant eat chocolate without having something savoury after. So its 2 chunks of choc and a bag of crisps! Or ice cream and then salty nuts!

5) I'm pretty lazy when it comes to organising cupboards and draws , ask my middles sis, she cant bare opening them, BUT , when the Virgo in me makes a brief appearance every 6mths and decides to sort , everything has to be folded perfectly. It may be my years of American retail training in Gap and Disney , but I just have to have jeans and shirts all ready for display!!! He the mans folds everything with the neck facing forwards and it really drives me mad!!!

6) As with the folding thing , Im the same with packing suitcases. It has to be done a certain way and no gaps or dips and layered like bricks! Shoes 1st all on the outer edges , then fill with undies, stuffing gaps, then jeans and trousers and then tops. All trousers have to lay part the way , with the thigh and waistband hanging out , tops then go above and the bit hanging out goes over this!

Oh and this pics for Barbara!!!!!! (done over a year ago though , blacks far to heavy for the summer months darlinks!).

and just when I didnt think there was any more, here's 3 things that no one knows already:

1) I can spread all my toes out nearly a cm apart !

2) I was once a model on a catwalk at University for the Fashion dept. Our end of year was showcased at The business design centre in front of thousands. I had Princess leia hair and a red and white striped coat to the floor!! The original Clothes show programme were the sponsors. Jeff banks was with us backstage and Karen Franklin was the commentator.

3) Glaswegian boxer "the Kid" , aka Gary Jacobs is a cousin of mine, through my fathers side. He was at his peak in the 80's.

I did have an image here of him , which suddenly became unavailable. I have a feeling they are all copyright, so here's a link to a Scottish photography firm who took an award winning shot of him.

ok so I have to tag now , hmmmm well here goes :

Chloe at Mee Crafty (she is sooo gonna get fed up with these tags from me!!)

tillyboo at 23BeechHill -Lovely things there

annieB at Overmilkwood -beautiful blog

I dont know 6 people in blog world above and beyond those already tagged and those listed, well apart from the pro bloggers whose sites are an inspiration to me, but I have a feeling they may not have time to reply to my tags!

I think I need some more blog friends!!!!

Reiki 2 day today

2008-06-22T09:22:00.006+01:00

I return once again to my mystical healing journey as today I will be training for my level 2 Reiki. I'm quite excited as this means that by UK law I can get my liability insurance and start practising as a healer legitimately.

What do I make of the last few months of my journey , well certainly for me , Reiki 1 has given me more clarity in readings, I more accurately come through with the correct information for my sitters , although with anyone , we always get some things wrong., that's being human and learning humbleness.

What mystical experiences can one have surrounded by synthetic rocks and waterfalls ? well sometimes they can surprise you , as one morning away , I took myself on a guided meditation to the temple of Akashic records.

Akashic Records Guided Meditation - Tara Sutphen

I wish to expand on that experience later today , for now enjoy the link.

I need to get to my course this morning!!

Namaste to all

xx

I have been given some gifts....................

2008-06-20T11:28:00.017+01:00

In the shape of awards given to me whilst away. Isn't it funny how you only leave a country for 10 days and think everything must be different and have changed when you return!!! I do however have a lot of blog catch up to do , so that's lots and lots and lots of reading and writing in the next few days.

Back to my awards , its so nice to get these having only been around a little time . The 1st from Monique at escape hatch is this lovely little girl giving love, of course my ubiquitous heart is ever present, which is cute.

The 2nd comes from Barbara and its very nice to be thought of in this way.

As I'm new to blogging I don't have many friends to "pay it forward" , so Id like to send these onto my good friend chloe x and Stephanie (although Ive only spoken once on her comments section)at Back in skinny jeans , as I just really resonate with her posts.

Im still on holiday brain so I will do a follow up with a little on my trip abroad very soon, overall it was quite relaxing and great to just zone out for 10days, but boy it takes some time to speed the gears up again, although this afternoon was a jaunt to our local Ikea to replace our mattress, a much long overdue task as it should have been replaced 2yrs ago!!! Im soooo looking forward to going to bed tonight , our room feels all new and hotel like as we invested in a pocket sprung mattress and a squidgy soft topper to boot. Very indulgent , but a must I feel with always having back problems, although I'm sure it may have been our old mattress.

Back to my inner life , whilst on holiday I did make some time for a couple of guided meditations and will tell you more about them in my follow up, I had some amazing visions and feelings about energy and past lives. Before bed , we loved nothing better than a sit on the balcony staring at the moon over the sea and wondering about it all.

Hearts and holidays and eights

2008-06-07T10:59:00.012+01:00

I thought Id leave a small post today and tell you I'm leaving for my hols in the next few hours and will be back in just under 2 weeks.

I'm nervous and excited as Ive never taken 2 children away before, its quite a feat of military precision with lists of lists of lists! We last took cupcake away abroad nearly 4 yrs ago, so this is the 1st time shes been fully conscious and aware of whats going on. Shes soooo excited and wants to be in the car now !

Ive mentioned in the past posts about all the eights in my life , some major life moments , some just fun and notable . The 8 synchronicity with this trip is that we fly on the date of the 8th , the last time I was away in March and by pure coincidence was again the date of the 8th , we also had seat 8 and the place we stayed in, the door number of 17 added is an 8 also! Ill show u here ;

I also mentioned I would show you my amazing heart pebble gifts we were given on our Eastbourne trip. When you see them you'll think they've been crafted by hand! But each one turned up by the side of myself , my husband and then cupcake. They're sitting by the side of my laptop and I just shake my head in wonder at them! I get them in water drops , shingle, and even a steak once and yes I have a piccy!

See you soon

xxxxx

do wish lists make things happen?

2008-06-02T19:58:00.014+01:00

Stephanie at Back in skinny jeans posted a great piece on aspirations and what ours were. I answered in comments and ended up gushing my life out for a change , so I thought I would paste it in here as a reminder for me! I periodically make lists of intentions and dreams , some of them over the years have transpired. I'm not sure yet if its law of attraction or just the fact that once you've made a statement of intent , your wheels start turning that way. Or is it that once its out of your head and on paper , it becomes a more solid and conscious thing?

Anywhooo heres what I said:

Apart from bringing up 2 happy, confident and balanced girls this is my
list :

1st Im waiting to do my Reiki 2 level in June , so I can get public
liability insurance and start practising as a healer legally in the UK,
alongside that is medium ship and psychic work.

Get more knowledge on blogging and the techy side to improve my blog
sites , so that I can get better exposure. Who knows were my new found writing
ability, whilst a bit ropey in places, will take me hey.

Like you I LOVE photography. I'm waiting to get my digital SLR in a few
weeks , so I can improve my photography work. The reaction time is just toooo
slow on my normal digital. I still have my original classic SLR from about 15yrs
ago, but its my digital I use more. Photography is something that has been with
me all through my life, Im also semi self taught , but made sure I always did as
an aside at college and Uni for extra oomph to my final qualifications. Its such
a pleasure though. You do stunning photography work and those links to Matt and
Beatrice are just wonderful.

My word , Ive not done this for a while , excuse it all coming out
here, I'm going to have to transfer this to my blog I think!

The last few are to get my art going again as I have a half started
canvas, sitting in my teeeeny studio,from over 2yrs ago when I was pregnant with
girl 2.

and lastly make a real push on cooking more and eating more raw.

What an achievement for you in having no food issues, that's quite
inspiring, Ive just eaten a norty bag of crisps I shouldn't have! (oofff to
Noshtopia for some snack ideas sans chips/ crisps!).

Seems a bit disjointed like this in here, but I like to preserve things as they are! A look at the original post will put it all in context!

In keeping with my sentiment , here's a look at my WIP started 2yrs ago!!!!! Now I need to find a way to get the urge to get paint on my fingers again.

Its finding the time between blogging and painting when I only have the evenings. How does everyone do it!?

Want to share your wish lists or goals, you never know , it may kick start them?

I might do something with this , now Ill be seeing it every day on here!

Old books , new understanding

2008-06-01T21:46:00.007+01:00

It strikes me that when I read old books I have on spiritual matters , that the whilst the information is familiar , I seem to understand it all now at a much deeper level. It may be the work I have been doing the last year at circle and the many opening experiences , especially my Reiki 1 , allowing me to have a deeper connection to what is beyond what we see and know as normal life, whatever that may be!

I have a habit of reading several books at a time, I have this voracious thirst for information and a want to be connected beyond this world when I have quiet times, (hahahah that doesn't happen often with 2 children under 5 I tell ya). When I do make time, after they've gone to bed , I love to lay for half an hour before dinner and catch up and wind down , with no TV and no noise. corrrrrr I'm getting old hey!!

Another little synchronicity happened this evening , and it always seems that I get messages from songs, my favourite TV shows and well lots of everyday stuff really . On a tangent I had an amazing message from chips in an oven dish once, I kid you not. It was very touching at the time as my little cupcake had been in and out of hospital and it felt very much like my papa was sending us some love for her. Unfortunately I didn't photograph it , but it was my daughters initials frozen together and an enormous X with chips so long,(20cm each), it had to be something created!

The one this evening was brought to me via Desperate housewives yet again, yes I know I have a penchant for USA dramas, but hey its fun and its great creativity we're watching. I'm at the chapter , last night and earlier this evening in Reaching to Heaven, were James Van Praagh is describing in detail the actual stages we pass through when leaving this world and going onto the next , (the astral plane). It is not unusual to fear our passing in this society, as it has been made such a taboo.The fear is increased as we don't know what is to happen to us. I to want to understand more and more what it is that happens , even if it is a glimpse or a hint at it ,as it actually gives great comfort to me.

Back to the show connection , I had 10 minutes left of last weeks episode to watch this evening. I'm at the part were Lynette and Karen have gone to the baseball field to spread Idas ashes, Karen starts to recite this poem :

I Did Not Die

When I'm gone from your side,

And all your tears have been dried ...
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle Autumn’s rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush.
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there;
I did not die.

- Anon -

Very beautiful and moving , its funny how some words can make you get that feeling inside , a more contemplative moment and a message given on thinking beyond just this bodily inhabitance we have. I found it very poignant , as I age , it is a fact of life that I will experience more and more people connected to me passing over . To help deal with this , I consider what we are made of, whats around us, were come from and were we are going next.

Anyway whilst I do all that thinking , makes you hungry you see . I'm off to get some homemade sorbet and finish watching my next recorded episode of Britain's next top model !!!

Gotta live hey !!!

The why's and the how's

2008-05-30T18:26:00.027+01:00

I pondered today the reasons for us all walking around and having to re think our beliefs in ourselves? I'm not talking about religious ones,but the ones that make us doubt who and what we are. Why do so many of us have to have a re wiring, so to speak? I'm talking turning to myriad therapies , self help books , self help guru's , masters of life and more? Why do we not hold onto the strong, steadfast and clear convictions imprinted in us from birth and allow others tell us we don't have such clarity, we don't have rights, we don't have a say? The layers of this bombardment starts to imprint themselves into our being in such deep rooted layers ,it can be hard to remove.

Pretty big ponder hey!!

It is said , we are influenced by not only this up bringing and the people we interacted with, but of those from our past lives also. If we have continually been met with negatives , were did it start , all this lack of love and disharmony expressed by others towards us ? Is it almost necessary in our human existence? Do we need to feel this push and pull to be human? Where did this disconnect with the universe start? This disconnect that makes others (and ourselves) , judge , criticise , fear control and put down. If they express it , then it was expressed to them and so it goes, further back and back and back and back. This interaction throughout our existence takes us away from the purity of who we are and the work we do in our lives, to slough this off and re learn- or remember our reason for being - takes us back to our connection to what we came from , which is pure clear and amazing unconditional love.

I found out today that Louise Hay , of the book "You can heal your life" , has now got a movie of the book. It struck me this afternoon , the funny synchronism with actually picking up that book again a few weeks ago, before I even new of the film and the books subsequent comeback 20yrs after its 1st release ! Someone must have been telling me to have a delve again as I have another symbol of this suggestion below.

I will be honest and say that I'm not finding it easy. It talks of ownership of ones own reality and how ones own thoughts create this reality. I agree in principal , that yes , ones outlook can somewhat change what is seen. If you feel negative , you see negatives and visa versa with positives also. I'm just at odds with the feeling that its our fault that we : have cancer , get hit by a loved one(verbally or emotionally), don't get the job we want , or just have an off day. Don't get me wrong , I do think emotions and state of mind , what we ingest and the air around us all have an effect on our health and well being. I just feel there's much more to it , than feeling as we have ourselves to blame and can be wholly in control of these happenings, especially if you delve into the realms of re incarnation and our reasons for doing so.

Why the need to read these books ? For me , Im right now waiting for support through cognitive behavior therapy , that may take weeks to come through, (this is not easy for me to disclose , so more on that another time). In the meantime , to feel I have somewere to look for clues , I will continue my work alone through others who have succeeded in mastering life somewhat. As Ive mentioned before in posts Ive had a re visiting of my old demons and some difficult situations in my life , that to be honest , I don't always know how to deal with. I'm looking inwards , so I don't have to walk around with it and have it bind me and hold me tight in my being , so I don't have to wear metaphorical shields over my eyes through fear of being seen and heard. As a tangent ,I had this symbolised twice to me ,in 2 separate psychic oracle card (tarot) readings at circle this week. Both had women either covering their own eyes with hands , or with a blindfold , both figures wrapped or bound in fabric or ties and both enclosed within a barrier. A major message you think?

As stated before in another post ,delving isn't painless, in fact it uncovers things that are covered by addictive shopping , alcohol abuse, drug abuse , food abuse , Internet addiction and any extreme distraction or excess in something that gets over the top and used in order to pretend we are OK or to try and not notice the pains and discomforts. I use these as examples of addictions and not my own , (although shopping may fall into that, I blush now) , but the many things , we as people use.

I know I need to do the work and I have this weird combination of looking forward to it and dreading the intensity of whats discovered. I'm taking it all slow and Ive only just re read the 1st 2 chapters , so I will come back and report on more of my feelings about this "life manual", some time soon.

On a positive note and in relation to the symbolism in going back to this book, my lovely friend chlo , of mee crafty , sent me the heart I commissioned from her a few weeks back , Thank you (little cupcake went and found her own home for it, how sweet!).

Back to the link. Whilst looking at the trailer for the said film , a flash of the front page of heal your life book came up, well what do you think it reminded me of ?

Have a look here :

What do you think ? Its the combination of colours used together that blew me away!!!

I also found this intriguing list this evening whilst writing this post . Its from a website I frequent called Universal Consciousness , a place for light workers and healers to come together and discuss the world unseen. Quite apt for me this evening.

As a lovely end to one of my more intense posts , have a look at this from my Eastbourne trip

ahhhhhhhhhh , all that calm blue sea , wonderful , I just wanted to stand there all day.

Its very important I take all these with me mum, this is serious work!

My smiley aqua eye girl

Finding ourselves having to go through Tunbridge Wells as a diversion to get home. Doesn't it feel like your in the car and moving? Very strange sensation.

Need to take a breath

2008-05-28T16:23:00.008+01:00

It feels a long while since I last posted and that's due to being away for a short trip, oh and a wedding too , how could I forget! Was a little bit of nostalgia for me at our hotel this bank holiday weekend , as I hadn't been to this hotel in more than 20yrs and this time it was with my girls instead of being a little girl myself!

I have some more hearts to show you that turned up as pebbles on the beach and some others that have popped up. They seem to be every day at the moment and I have to check myself - am I looking for them or are they just there?

I also have some pictures from a great time had with all the kids on the pebble beach in Eastbourne, which was were we went for our sojourn. The only thing is that they are on my brother in laws rather amazing SLR digital camera and I need to work out how to get them onto my memory stick!

off to circle this evening and look forward to what unfurls for us all there, it seems I'm not making enough time for my spiritual life right now and may be I needed to just have some fun time away from my head and spirit world, a living in the moment time.

I so need that , as Ive become far to introspective of late. Its not the easiest thing balancing : kids ,hubby , house , 2 blogs , cooking , social life , re training , old client contracts and well just life. I suppose it all boils down to balance, something that almost comes with practise and mind fullness?

Anyway I will come back with a more interesting post and my look on the world very soon.

and that will be ;
photos of my little trip
photos of my hearts
and some thoughts again on their prolific occurrence right now, I will disclose more when I find a brave corner in myself!

be back shortly !

oohh me 2nd tag meme!

2008-05-22T20:53:00.012+01:00

Thanks Chloe me lovely chum from Mee Crafty for tagging me. I now need to get the grey cells a going! I think I may put this on both blogs If I can work out how!

1) What was I doing 10 years ago.

Well it was a year and a half before my wedding and most probably starting to plan the where, how & whats , enjoying being engaged with no children, so we may have just come back from somwere tropical and far away! I was suited and booted and working in Knightsbrigde, enjoying the London nightlife scene and probably a bit too much of burning the candle at both ends thing also. The best thing was being able to go to trade shows for a living , as I was buying gorgeous British made only gift ware and table ware. I had carte blanche in my purchases and it was great fun, although the rest of the job was pretty stressful and revolting as my boss wasnt an easy women, so this was my treat!

2) 5 things on my to do list for today.

Return yet another bikini, get nails done for a wedding at weekend, have hair coloured for wedding-loads of grey, organise a delivery for a client, tidy girls bedrooms.

3) Snacks I enjoy. (see it doesn't take much for food to end up on this blog)

Funnily enough just like my tagger , I love little savoury bits also ! They have to be quite flavoursome and stinky ; tapenade on crusty brown seedy bread, olives with lemon and garlic , carrots and hummus with harrisa, guacamole is an obsession and I can finish a pot in one session. Another very naughty one is Worcestershire sauce french fries, ooh I fancy those now! Oh and how can I forget my beloved dark chocolate (Valrhona of course) ! To balance the naughtiness I will also be virtuous and chop my own fruit salads here and there.

4) Things I would do if I were a Billionaire.

I often make lists like this in my head! Strangely again , very much in the same vain as my tagger, (we've always known we have a twin flame thing!).

Pay all my families mortgages and bills off completely and make sure they are provided for .
Take everyone on a trip around the world
Buy a large house in the Scottsdale Desert , so I'm both near Sedona and Grand Canyon
Have an art studio/gallery and holistic spiritual spa and therapy room in Sedona.
How odd , I also have a strange thing about the design of shoes , all over old notepads I used to draw pages and pages of shoes! May be Mrs mee crafty and I would start a shoe empire together!
Now here's were I would want to do something of enormous benefit to others and society and I wouldn't know were to start. I don't have a clue about the politics of these things and some of it may seem idealistic but here's my thoughts ; Help fund/build schools & hospitals in developing countries , help fund free nurseries in my local council , donations to local hospitals and GP practises , creation of a youth organisation country wide to learn dancing , singing, martial arts , meditation , healing, cooking and arts and crafts to help the youth of our country have somewhere to go in the evenings and entice a wide range of tastes.
Oh and then Id need to employ loads of people to help bring that to fruition , so Id be helping the local employment situation also.

5) Places I have lived

Oakwood
Northwood

6) Blogger's I want to know about

I only know a handful of blogger's as I'm a newbie on the block and some here are pro blogger's , it would be wonderful if they responded, Id feel quite privileged:

Barbara at Candy hearts and paper flowers
Monique at Escape Hatch
Stephanie at Back in skinny jeans
Dad at I think this world is perfect
Annie B at Overmilkwood

slowing down the pendulum swing

2008-05-19T21:15:00.006+01:00

Healing isn't the easiest path despite the experience of many wonderful special mystical and euphoric moments , not all of them being of the phenomenal variety , just ahhh isn't that lovely. Sometimes some nights and some days can be tough, painful , embarrassing and down right frustrating and all I want to do is climb in bed or a hot bath ,set my ipod to a guided meditation and be done with it! I have many old fears that have arisen lately, I know why , as its now that I need to clear them. I'm feeling things I haven't for years and years, so re experiencing them at this time, rather than being unconscious of them, having buried them temporarily deep inside, is whats required to move on and fully clear any related debris . The hardest thing is finding a way of working through them alone, which may be is one of the reasons why I have created this space , so I can share and be with others on some of the tougher times.

Many of us have a preconceived idea that all healing is just harps , angels, love and flowers , and yes it can be and its wonderful when you feel a deep surge of ; wow, life is amazing, but also its about coming to terms with things in our life that shape us and its not always the nicest parts.

The reason for this work is mainly so that I can be clearer and more focused when healing others, in order to do this I need to learn how to no longer be a slave to outside forces ,whether it be health , other peoples emotions or just the layers of things that modern life brings to us ; car breaking down , encountering road rage , laptop freezing , disastrous client orders, mice eating your cereal & ad finitum....... When I say slave , I'm talking of not being able to control the huge swings of emotions related to uncontrollable happenings, hence the pendulum swings. I'm also talking of the things we can control , but don't aways know how ,as habitual behavior patterns have set in.

Ive been reading a blog about a women's blogging journey through weight loss called Back in skinny Jeans and stumbled upon her post regarding the healing curve. Its extremely inspiring stuff and can apply to many even without weight loss issues. Despite being extremely lucky, right now that is, and not needing to loose weight, well in only having to continue to eat healthily, (a challenge in itself) , I can very much relate to what she says in many of her posts and speaks to me in how I have lived my life and currently interact with others. Reading it tonight couldn't be more timely and I may as yet disclose on here some of the more personal challenges I have had. This post is yet even more inspiring in its content right this minute , I feel very compelled to connect with this force of positivity and speak with her in person.

Ive been at all sorts of weights in my later life and went on a brief journey of going from a size 0 (I had to wear kids clothes, I kid you not), up to a 12 , then during my 1st pregnancy ballooning to a size 16 and coming all the way back down again, well not quite, but I digress. The healing curve concept communicated in her post is a great visual tool in aiding your progress from the starting point to were you are now. Its not something we normally apply to our life goals , as we tend to just plod along each day and then get caught in the intensiveness of a current set back rather than view the bigger picture.

Id like to apply it to my current place in my journey , but as yet I'm not sure how I can transfer this to emotions or the shape of my psyche and outlook rather than weight loss. Weight is tangible and measured, emotions are not! and I'm thinking aloud here , what I may have to do is come up with a positivity chart using short phrases that tracks my lifestyle through the last few years? This bit I need to work on I think !

A little too intensely naval gazing like you say , possibly , but if I disclose at some point the tougher, grittier and more personal aspects of my life , I think you'd think ,hey may be this would be a good thing!!! We always need to see the sun shined aspects of things ,even if there are shadows forming.

Oh and I still secretly weigh myself , just encase I start to creep again. Shhhhhhhhhhhh dont tell anyone!

Have you ever done a healing pyramid?

2008-05-15T20:08:00.027+01:00

I did last night at circle , and it was one of the most moving things I have experienced. Well apart from childbirth , seeing the Grand Canyon and being schlepped into an ambulance on entinox!

We were all positioned in such a way as to make sure healing energy flowed from the back of the group all the way to the main recipient at the front. Every few minutes the main front recipient was moved to the back of the pyramid until everyone linked had been at the front.

Well when it came to my turn , I wasn't expecting the feelings that I got, it came at me very unexpectedly and with quite an intensity. I felt the deepest whoosh of emotion came rising up in me as if to push out all the held in pain , sadness and anxiety that many of us walk around with deeply embedded in our core. The tears started to flow and yet I just stood still and contained , as if my whole upper body was being held by everyone, which it was in a way.

There has been simple tests done on healing and much of it brings it down to only placing the importance of touch on another being or a practitioner tapping into ones own power of mental thought to bring about cures or relief of ailments and illness. To myself and many others its much much more than that , and all of us last night felt it. I also slept much more soundly and peacefully than I had done in weeks. If anyone saw Kathy Sykes 3 part series on alternative medicine, they may have seen the episode on healing and the study of it from a scientific standpoint , albeit sympathetic and sensitive to those patients following this line treatment , it missed a fundamental part of what healing symbolises ; a tool to send pure and unconditional loving energy through oneself to another, something unfortunately that many of us our lacking very much in our lives.

We all of us tend to walk around in a deep unconscious state , unaware of how we hold our bodies , how we think about ourselves , how we speak to others and also the dialogue that goes on in our minds to ourselves. Those who are aware , don't always give themselves the time to relax from this state or even have the ability to. Healing allows us some time to be free from that , but also , a safe space to bring forth those things that hold us tense in ourselves. Its as if the touch of love brings a relief from the daily grind mill.

Give it a try one day , even if its only a few of you. Turn down the lights , put on appropriate music , (no ZZ top!!) and go with the flow, excuse the pun. You might surprise yourself.

I just want to send out there a thank you to my teacher for a wonderful experience last night , writing about it here this evening , has helped to bring back to me that peaceful feeling again and a calmness in my inner storm.

Namaste x

please excuse the odd word wrapping it seems this laptop wont let me format

These hearts and strange little synchronicity's keep following me

2008-05-14T10:12:00.003+01:00

We had an amusing evening over the weekend with a new made up word , (well we thought it new, it seems its been around for a while already!! , see my post here on chench for more details!!

Anyway , I googled the word this morning and this is the first two websites I clicked on ;

Chench with a heart image on a sweet little blog called The little things.

Chench as defined by the urban dictionary , the name on the left side is my husbands!

Another synchronistic moment!

2008-05-08T22:09:00.006+01:00

I don't normally do prolific links to blogs for posting content , but this has quite important relevance to my blog theme and today's subject.

I was just perusing the blogs Ive linked , checking if some are more foodie and may need to move to my new home, (my virgoan in me coming to the surface), and to my surprise more hearts turn up at me !!

and further , this one may take a little more explaining, see I did say I was gramatically challenged, so bare with me. To add to the major synchronicity here , on the blog above, "I think this world is perfect", (a very lovely blog by the way), the post below the hearts entry , is another very relevant post as it pertains to my real name. Also the sentiment is wonderful as its titled "never invisble". A great validation to me about my place here in this world right now me thinks. Thank you dad and daughter over there, for being a little messenger carrier.

Strangely I have drafted something on this very subject of my name this evening for future viewing , lots more about that soon!

Hows that for a message from the universe that I'm being looked after by someone or may be something?

My 1st ever tag/meme whooopeeeeee

2008-05-08T20:00:00.005+01:00

Ive just been tagged by Monique at Escape Hatch to do a meme. Thank you fellow mumster.

This is a "page 161" tag meme , were basically you quote a full sentence from page 161 of any book you are currently reading.

Well , as many in my circle know and to my circle leaders chagrin, I tend to have about 3 books on the go at the same time as I'm a bit of an info syphon, and they all tut at me and my lack of balance! I got fed up with Joshua Ferris's : Then we came to the end ( to much reminding me of my old incarnation as buyer) and left it on my bedside for now. So the main one Ive been concentrating on and one that's kept me up till about 1am the last few nights, (a mix of awe and oh-my-I-is -freaked-out), is Dr Brian L Weiss : Many lives Many Masters.

Here goes :

"Yes," she whispered. "But hes gone now. He just wanted to be sure I'm alright". I thought about the popular mythology of the guardian angel. Certainly Edward, in the role of the hovering, loving spirit, watching over her to make sure she was alright, approached such an angelic role. And Catherine had already talked about guardian spirits. I wondered how many of our childhood "myths" were actually rooted in a dimly remembered past.

Oh and Chloe, when you get back from your hols , your tagged!

A new food blog is born

2008-05-08T18:18:00.005+01:00

Totally not spiritual , but yet may be eating can be somewhat a sensory journey in mind , body and spirit. Soooo I just had to do a food one and help clean up my act here and simplify my themes, do I talk food or paranormal?!!

Pop along to my Nosh of love blog for a nose. Strangely though, I chose a design that's kind of the opposite twin sister of this one, as in the colours are the negative of this one if you get my drift. Also whilst transferring all the appropriate blogs Ive linked on here to there, I checked out the 1st one that I wanted to move, have a look at becoming a foodie , (her image at the top is so beautifully ethereal and I love her writing style) and found that I have used the same theme! Granted there are only a few to choose from in here as a basic start to blogging , but with all the myriad of possibilities.................

A day full of synchronicity!

Little "synchronisms"

2008-05-08T14:43:00.007+01:00

OK so I don't know what every ones stance is on synchronicity, and I normally log them in that journal I mentioned, as sometimes I think if you tell everyone , it almost sounds as if you've made them up , or at the very least looking for things and creating explanations after. A little bit like bible code critics.

Here's the definition I found on the free dictionary online and here is a link to website Energetic Science ministries for some more explanations and were I found the diagram above.

This morning I got some funny little ones, but they aren't always the easiest to express to others. Often they symbolise meanings that pertain to just you and your friends and family, and would mean nothing to an outsider. Other times they are quite grandiose and amazing and make anyone go WOW.

Today Id say the ones that happened were on a sort of mediumish level, if they can be graded that is! I don't mean to denigrate their importance in ones life, I just feel sometimes they are noteworthy and other times , well, they just give you an inner chuckle.

Anyways here goes mine today so far

I was searching around daily blog tips for ideas on how to improve my new blog, (as you do as a rookie) and happened upon this post about fonts. After a call to a friend I decided to look on the website linked and have a looksie at the fonts I like. I studied typography at college for a while and was dead certain I wanted to be a graphic designer, anyway that's off topic for now!

I looked into the section on handwritten style fonts and opened the page. Well when I scanned down , I noticed that the name of the person I had just spoken to was the names used for the fonts, well his surname on one and his first name was on another. Ive also just noticed that whilst linking it to this page, there's a heart symbol and a number 8 , a very significant number for me and major life events, (more on that another time), used in a font title on the very same page. See told you - mediumish level!

The second one may take a little explaining , but its at this moment I have to go and retrieve the littlest pickle from her daily cot slumber or she wont go to bed this evening!

Ok back, I think my overuse of msn and chat forums for the last 4yrs of motherdom has rubbed of into my writing style!

Back to the second synchronystic happening. Not long before my second littlest pickle was born nearly 2yrs ago, ( a few days I think), my husband and I had a rather heated and lengthy discussion about circumcision and the use of anaesthetic if we had a boy. I wont go into anymore detail here about that , as its a rather emotive subject and again off topic , but just that the subject has relevance to this particular happening.

Today I was catching up with my sky+ episodes of Desperate Housewives. The character Bri Hodge and her husband , were having a disagreement about circumcision over there grandson/son. (Warning for those in UK , some spoilers here if you haven't seen last weeks episode). He was against it and she was for. Anyway cutting to near the end of the episode , Bri walks back in , having done the deed behind his back at someone Else's bris, (as you do!), hands the baby to Orsen in the kitchen and mentions in passing that his sons Hebrew name is now Simchah. Well which little pickle do you think shares the same Hebrew name!!!!

Id love to hear any other great "synchronisms" out there, so leave your messages.

To journal or not to journal

2008-05-05T21:49:00.003+01:00

I realised this evening that I haven't been doing any journal entries the last 2 weeks or more. It seemed I had so much to get out of my system in terms of my own personal spiritual journey and now its dropped a gear or two for now. I had Intentions of making it a routine thing in my life, making sure to note all the paranormal and spiritual happenings and started it the day before starting my Reiki journey 2months ago . The happenings seem to have lessened somewhat, but despite this, in my circle evenings every week, my connection is good and clear, if not better than ever before , well for now anyway, spirit can decide at any time to change things and change the frequency so to speak and therefore make it harder to connect. Have to work for what we love sometimes hey, just to make sure we still love it!!

I'm thinking may be Ive had to step back a bit , as I haven't been finding it easy to integrate all that intense (but wonderful) journey of healing, medium ship and physic connection into being a mum of 2 very young girls, a housewife & finish my last interior contract. We also have a holiday abroad in a few weeks and no summer clothes due to a body that's lost loads of weight and 2 others that have done the total opposite! I seem to have gone headlong into mad consumerism of late and spend my time right now ,making lists of who needs crocs, swimsuits or summer dresses rather than whether Ive seen, felt or heard the other side! May be spirit have stepped back at an unconscious request to just let me live a bit in this world, right here, right now, (need I mention planet x again also)!!!

Although saying all that , I want to keep the intention that I can work it all through my life whatever the aspect may be, thinking law of attraction and all that! To this end Ive started a new (but old) book. Many lives Many masters, and am looking forward to bed time again to uncover the next part of the story of Dr Weiss's trans formative life.

So to start journalling again?

Sometimes one doesn't just want to read or for that matter write about ; I did the washing , nursery run , and went to bed!!!

How to make things more intriguing hey without forcing it? Well that's it , you cant, it needs to flow , it needs to be spontaneous and needless to say I don't control it, the other side does!

So guys , what have you?

Yes I know , "meditate" !

Oh I must say here, I had the privilege of attending a special circle evening last week , were the teacher was Sharon Harvey, a world renowned medium in the field and an amazing one at that too. I really understood clearly how to be "in the power", (Sharon knew by the way wether we were in it or not). A term used to really feel the force and energy of the universe. The fuel that allows for healing , and that special connection we all have with the other side. It was such a buzz and we all stayed out till very very late, (I wasnt in bed till 1am!), ruminating about our evening over hummus and carrots. We also practised our new dowsing rods experiment seen at class on someones husband. Using them to show their own energy field.

ahhhhhhhhh see, there it is , I have an entry now !! Oh and may be another post to come later on how to dowse in pairs for your own energy field. Its amazing seeing it for real.

See there's that law of attraction happening in front of your eyes!

Must go to bed now for the next installment of Many lives............

How funny , Stephen Fry is now on tv right now with his QI programme and this ones about divination.

Talk about synchronicity hey!!!

A new cafe find for me

2008-05-04T18:25:00.003+01:00

I dropped my eldest at a party in Crouch end last week and needed a place for lunch for me and the little one. Round the corner in Broadway Parade was a lovely little find. We had the most wonderful lunch on a warm but very wet day. I thoroughly recommend Coffee Cake . It serves Mediterranean / North African food.

I had Salmon en Croute which was so tasty with spinach and a cheesy cream filling , alongside that I had a salad of stuffed mini sweet peppers and beans , all mixed with the most amazing creamy sauce. I noticed a french bean salad being served and said out loud that Id missed that one! The manager called me over (and jokingly said , didn't you see it)and told me to bring my plate and gave me a small portion of the most amazing french bean salad mixed with a grainy warm spicy coating. Unfortunately the little pickle wouldn't eat any of it ,(philistine child!), so they kindly made me a fresh fruit salad which she couldn't eat quick enough!! The only drawback was they charged me for a dish with three salads , when I had one and a taster of another. I mentioned it and they kindly re did the bill for me.

I noticed amazing pink and white swirly meringues at the door, my husband loves them , but he was in my bad books last week , so he wasn't getting any treats! . I didn't have time to stay and try any of their pastries and yummy cakes, so will have to make another trip for tea very soon!

I needed some new inspiration for flavours , and I'm now on the lookout for a Med/North African book for those salad ideas.

Something noshy at home and away

2008-05-02T18:38:00.009+01:00

We had a great day out on Saturday with my girls noshing all afternoon at the Real food festival at Earls court. Basically it was just a huge and wonderful farmers market! I had the most amazing juice made from beetroot apple and lime and must remember to make some at home.

My favourites were there like ; Burnt Sugar (norty drool sugary moment Dr GMc look away now) and Oliver Rowes Konstam in the restaurant area for lunch, were we had theeeee most amazing potato and wild garlic soup, even my girls couldnt get enough and ate all my portion!! I would love to get his recipe, must look out for a book of his.

The only disappointment was not seeing that many chocolatiers, we half expected to see Willie Harcourt-Cooze there , thinking it would be a great vehicle for what hes doing with his raw cacao. Alas no , but I did see my absolute fave luxury in choc heaven there L' Artisan du Chocolat .

Also wanted to tell everyone about my new healthy nosh find from last night;

Crunchy Curly Kale

We took it from Dr Gillian McKeith's You are what you eat cook book, although with the naughty addition of sea salt!

You need ;

olive oil
100g curly Kale stems removed (although we forgot , and they had a nice texture oh and also we did another 100g bag after , as they were so nice!!)
1tsp dried mixed herbs

oven at 180c/gas mrk 4

line baking tray with foil and lightly brush with oil
cut leaves into slices and arrange evenly
bake or 15-20 mins and stir twice whilst baking , when bright green they are ready
remove and sprinkle with the herbs (and added salt)

Serve immediately

Like healthy chinese restaurant seaweed , but much better for you!

Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Hearts hearts hearts

2008-04-29T22:05:00.030+01:00

Wow it seems ages since I last posted. Its been a very busy 2 weeks with my little eldest off school; parties , play dates, shopping for holidays and all manner of outings. One thing that keeps popping up over and over and over is my unexpected heart gifts from the other side . They are prolific and soo random , just look at this one , its all fluffy!

Ive been wondering why they have been so often (almost crazy like often!!) and I think its a message to pick up on my meditating , self healing (Reiki) and breathing. The Planet X thing really rocked me and my little world (just dont go there really) and kind of threw me off my path for a bit and I think Im being urged in a BIG way to come back! it seems I was on such a high after my Reiki 1 attunement and the 21 days after , that I came crashing down to earth and out again with a bump!!!!

I will share some more of my hearts with you here , they are fab and I do like them , LOVE them in fact, but the huge surge of them , kind of blew me away. I can just hear all my guides and guardian angels having a good giggle!!!!

Now all I need to to is find out what this plant is. Actually as Ive just posted this and looked at the images, Ive realised many of them are done using plants. You think its a message to concentrate on what lightens my life? Namely being in nature and thinking , researching & planning plants for my garden.

Friends gardens

Even in my books , when looking things up.

Water marks under spills!

and even in me tuna splatted on the floor !

I also have some lovely images of a Japanese garden we went to recently. I wanted to stay there all day. Im a bit obsessed with gardens as weve been working on our own since last year. I love mixing tropical and Japanese flora and fauna , its another lovely hobby which I share with a friend of mine. Shes just had all her garden hard landscaped and its really cool , I can now live vicariously in helping choose plants! Ill post some pics of mine and hers at some time.

Moving myself out of darky avenue 2012

2008-04-19T20:22:00.019+01:00

Ok so I haven’t done self healing for days and it’s probably good that I do start again. I will explain why I haven't, well sort of, I will only skim over here the path Ive gone down the last 7 days, so as not to give it energy again .

Some of the material found is lets say, a bit dubious. Many purport to it and its all mainly to do with 2012 & the Mayan Calender . Its not new information and has been bandied around since the start of the Millennium , I only started learning about it a few months ago. There are several camps on this area, some speak of a great lift up, for all, in spiritual connection, (that's the one I like the best and that's the area I wish to concentrate on when doing further research), others say it will be WW3, the more conspiricists of this world talk of world cataclysms, destruction, secret planets, secret chosen survivors , NASA cover ups, government disinformation agents and all manor of sci fi film style information, believe me it does get like that.

If you want to read more have a look here , this web site links to almost every web site and author involved. Its not all very pretty, you are warned , have your wits about you. Oh and all those purposefully scaring others for profit , you should be ashamed of yourselves. Although making comments like that makes me think,

"Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged!andLet He Who is Without Sin Cast the First Stone",

etc etc .......................

Whats your stance I hear you say , well Id like to think that whatever happens its positive and enhancing to us humans here. If not , I think Id rather meet my maker with ALL my loved ones, (both living and passed over), next to me. Which I think in terms of higher selves & consciousness we always are.

As the title says I am working on moving my mind , body and spirit to lighter pastures, so to banish all the heart pumping and hairs on back of neck stuff and reconnect so to speak , I have spent the early evening giving my girls a little Reiki session. It has such a great effect on my life and I think it’s especially important after this less than positive week I’ve given myself.

Oh and I'm also watching tons and tons of re runs of the 1st ever episodes of Sex And the City, isn't SKY + fab, well not as much as Carrie Bradshaw's wardrobe !!! Yes I know I'm such a contradiction , a friend once called me a lipstick tree hugger ! I think that's quite funny, and without wanting to dilute or devalue the work I or anyone else does, a girls gotta have fun, (lets face it , for those who know me , I can be quite an intense head) and live in this world right now hey!!!

Although don't get me started again, as saying that , the Hindu's might not be best pleased with the famous stylist on SATC using her image as one of their 6 sacred deities , Shiva, on her new online shop.

SATC film outfit spoilers in the click above.

choccy woccy berry heaven

2008-04-13T17:54:00.004+01:00

Ok folks , I had to post this , it combines my love of berries and choc together and MAY be the recipe to start hubby onto cooking some more raw things. The only thing is we both arent big fans of ginger, sooo what do we substitute it with????? any ideas welcome.

Chocolate Raspberry Cake with Ginger Chocolate Mousse

What a drool moment.

My raw food intentions

2008-04-13T16:42:00.011+01:00

Ok so I have to talk raw foods, Im not going to get all right on and say don't eat meat , because I just lurve lurve lurve a slab of ribeye medium rare with bernaise on the side (kosher peeps look away now) !!

In many books it talks of having clearer mind, body and spirit if nothing with a face is eaten , but I don't feel that is completely necessary if everything is in moderation. I also tend to not eat my carbs as much with protein were possible and long term I think its help me maintain my weight and not feel as bloated in the process.

I read this in Penelope Sach's book of Wellbeing, I think it inspired me thinking about this style of food again.

Raw Energy

"Try eating raw foods one day a week. This can include sliced raw fruit and
vegetables, and vegetable juices. Raw foods help to clean the bowel and give you
'enzyme energy'. Enzymes are living proteins tht help to stimulate your
digestive juices."

I just would love to make a large portion of my diet raw foods in the style of Chad sarno. I saw his food on the Spa of embarrassing illness a couple of years ago and thought it looked amazing. It makes being veggy quite glamorous , (look to the left , how amazing is that), and for the 1st time in a long time food seemed much more exciting.

Vegetable lasagne Recipe by Chad Sarno

Im not the chef in this house , and would need to get me hubby to buy into the idea (and the girls for that matter) , if we're ever going to eat like this , as I don't have the patience to concoct these amazing creations, but HE would. The thing is he just sneers when I show him the amazing images of this type of food. Hmm more work needed on him I think!!! For now Im going to continue to eat sugar snaps with guacamole and salad as much as possible!!

Anyway on that note here's some images of his amazing food and a web site called GREEN CHEFS with amazing recipes and visuals and a video from his restaurant Saf.

All those anti carbs , can you believe this is ALL vegetable, not a bit of flour in sight.

ahhhh see I may have found a recipe that hubby will try , as he has a beetroot fetish right now. Im also on the hunt for a great choccy one too, hes obsessed with the stuff.

On that note , I'm off out tonight for dinner and will try and eat something vegetable , as the friends coming with us dont eat meat, but sometimes and Im sorry in advance of tonight preggy Mrs FC , I just cant resist a bit of Cow!!! (See theres no way I can be a role model now!)

An oblique sneak at my girls

2008-04-11T23:26:00.006+01:00

After seeing some gorge piccies on a friends blog this evening of her girly (and it reminding me of my little one, but a brunette version), I just thought Id add some little glimpses of my cup cake and pickle, ones sugar and ones spice, can you guess who's who?????

This was taken at her 1st birthday party , shes now nearly at her 2nd. Gaaaad dont years fly by. Pickle or cup cake???

This is a random one taken of my older one in the car with my phone camera. I think it was taken about a year ago in summer of 07. I like that its all wobbly and fuzzy , a bit like seeing someone through rain covered glass. Poor little thing used to fall asleep everywhere due to being unwell. Cup cake or pickle?

a sneak at my paintings

2008-04-06T20:36:00.009+01:00

Somethig a little more visual for my blog , I need to save my wordyness or my journal tonight , Im running out of grammar steam!!!!

This is one of my faves , even though I don't do the pink thing normally, I really enjoyed this combination of colours. My mum commissioned it and It was special doing one for her. I was chuffed she loved my work and hangs it proudly in her home. It was inspired by the amazing gold leaf Chinoiserie furniture she has in her home.

This is a close up of another commission, it was a smaller one , but it worked really well and the depth of the purple with the silver was really unctuous and yummy.

This is another close up of a commission, I love texture and contrast and bold shapes.

My truth and your truth

2008-04-06T19:12:00.004+01:00

I will try and explain this the best way I know how ; One , without completely self deprecating (learning to do that less), and two , so you can understand the gist ish ! This is a real learning curve with my grammar, so bare with me!

I feel compelled right now to go back to a book I read last year on cosmic ordering by Jonathan Cainer. Its all about being careul what you wish for and how to do it safely and wisely. For some reason I need to regurgitate old material and may be gauge my understanding now that I have a clearer connection to spirit after Reiki 1.

The introduction seemed to resonate more than the book as whole and sums up some of my thoughts and feelings about spiritual life and how others move on their path and find their truth . As he discusses , i' m learning I must always be careful in never being prescriptive and never controlling anyone else's truth. It is your connection with faith or in some cases your belief of not having a connection with faith , religion or spirituality.

I hope anyone reading this blog , sees it more as inspiring and an "ahhhhh that's great there's someone else out there like me" , rather than a ; this is how YOU do this or this is how you should feel about this. This is my path , these are my experiences. Everyone will have their own , sometimes we may meet on the path and merge and find a commonality to what we see and feel. Other times it will be unique and sacred to you and you only. And what is it that I'm discussing really, you ask. Well it is your own connection with the world , universe , spirit, angels , divinity , god , guides , guardian angels , archangels , fairies, Merlin and whomever or whatever you feel is out there and can feel in your heart.

I don't follow doctrines, I don't even follow my birth religion that much, although aspects of it I think are lovely and deeply spiritual. I don't lay my life out according to its rules. I think everyone should find their own way in their own time. I think if one is a person of integrity and truth and operates all aspects of their life from love and kindness then why the need to follow rules?

Anyway that's enough rambling and intense headedness for now. I just needed to get that across, although I'm not sure Ive got it all across yet, I may come back to it. Jonathan Cainer sums up his take on this much better than my D+ English GCSE abilities can , (ooops a mini self deprecating moment there forgive me). Read it, if it sounds appealing, its a great intro into the subject. If not that's OK too "your" aha moment book may pop off the shelf and light up for you instead.

I think to lighten the mood I will show you some of my art and a glimpse of my precious girls next.

Tell me of your mini miracles

2008-04-03T13:06:00.015+01:00

I realised today that its been a week since my last post and whilst I manage to pour my heart out on my journal , as its like an invisible friend , this feels somewhat different. I seem to check what I write here more. Which seems a shame really, but I didn't realise how private I am as a person. I think Ive started this may be to help me to be more open with my truth and my part in the world and less worried about the so called shadows around me watching. As many of my friends and family know that I wear my heart on my sleeve , but yet now after my 1st year of conscious transformation, (or transmutation you could call it) , comes to its close and a new path opens . I see more and more that I am working on protecting my boundaries.

Isn't it strange, sometimes you come on here with intentions of communicating certain things and something completely different wishes to be expressed!

Sun 30th March marked the completion of my 21days cleansing , it's been quite a journey so far , but to be honest I think the journey doesn't have a finite beginning or end, I feel we are ever evolving and growing and making ourselves a new. The cleanse ended on a wonderful note with a simple meditation that afternoon, with what I see as my mini miracles. I was lucky to have the house to myself for the 1st time in a long time , as my hubby had taken the girls to the park , so I could have some time to myself. Below is a recount of it from my journal ;

Just come back in from a 45 minute lovely lay down on the bench in the garden, I started with a simple beach meditation that someone sent me via email for my iPod. It takes one in a boat alone to a little beach cove either side of cliffs. I imagined somewhere like Phang Nga Bay in Thailand were I sea kayaked about 8yrs ago . It then went onto the meditation music and I fell asleep for a little while ,but suddenly I awoke and felt compelled to look up at the sky, as I did my initials were spelt out in between the cloud and image of a heart very faintly started to make shape in between that M (my initial). As I continued to look, the M started to move in time with the floating of the music and a face appeared, (I say reminiscent of Jesus, which seems preposterously cliched, but why I would have that image I don’t know?). I was quite moved by it, the combination of the music and the cloud formations mesmerised me into wonderful trance.

It made me think of the heart image found on
KWISITAL ONE LOVE Myspace forum and also of a lovely blue Chalcedony & quartz Geode stone heart necklace I have as shown below.

It was as if that moment had been designed perfectly for me. Its a shame I didn't take a picture , but a voice said to me it didn’t matter that others couldn't see it as I was enjoying my own private moment of divinity. I don’t always need outside acknowledgment. If they lift one up and drive you forwards into joy and love then that is worth more than anything else.

What was amazing was I had asked to see a heart in the clouds as sort of jokey thing, with a yer right like-that's-going-to-happen feeling !!! It would be lovely to hear about your moments of mini miracles, let me know in the comments section.

A chakra gift

2008-03-28T16:51:00.004Z

A lovely friend has just sent me a gorge little bracelet and I just had to show it off with my matching ring that has needed a partner for ages!!!

Perfect for my solar plexus cleansing, with citrine and ab peridot.

Thank you miss at Bramley Jewellery Design

Beauty in innocence

2008-03-28T11:28:00.005Z

I love this music, the little girl reminds me of my A, I felt a connection to this song and video today. The girls name is my other littles ones middle name to.I think it spoke to me about just looking at the simple things to raise you up.

Final Reiki clear out?

2008-03-28T10:35:00.004Z

A little bit on my progress with Reiki cleansing

Ive come on today and realised that I haven't been on all week and since Monday have felt a bit distant. Ive hardly been able to come on here due to an ongoing situation with a client of mine and the case of a 2yr old order (nuff said!) , school education evening and of course my precious circle evening on Wednesday. Its been a struggle to write on my journal as will and since my last post ,Ive felt quite blah. I think as this is the penultimate day of cleansing (day 20 of 21) , Im thinking may be there's a final debris removal in the mind body spirit. Either that or I just can blame it on a stinking cold. All us girls have it in this house , pass the tissues!

It seems all my old issues have raised up , and made me think quite intensely about what it is I would like to do to feel better about things. Its amazing how much more aware I am of every living moment. I feel Im living immediate karma , although Im doubtful to that existing and think its more a state of mind. As soon as I think about what it is I need to work on in my life , something manifests that challenges it an gives me opportunities to re think my approach. The only thing is that in some cases Im holding onto the old way. Its not the easiest way to live & sometimes I just want to get drunk and be stupid and feel more carefree It certainly means I live more consciously and hope that it helps me when healing others, if I know how I operate my life. I am told a good healer is one that can empathise on a deep level of understanding and the only way is to experience many of the challenges that life offers to do this. I feel I have a great responsibility and dont want to be to indulgent in the self, but also I dont want to be a martyr to my cause , but likewise I need to live lighter I think.

May be a run naked in a field will do it?

What do you think?

Reiki help

2008-03-24T12:41:00.003Z

I did my 1st full Reiki treatment yesterday on my mother in law. She Broke her wrist on Saturday afternoon and more than the pain , seemed very upset by the accident. I'm not sure I connected properly with the energy or not, but she did seem to relax quite a bit after. I normally get some feeling of spirit or psychic /empathic feelings but none of that seemed to happen. As I came down to her throat chakra though she suddenly said she was seeing loads of blue, which was great with that being the associated colour! My hands shook quite a bit and I’ve not experienced that before. I did the full body with all the hand positions, although I didn’t find it easy as we didn’t do it on a treatment bed and may have been easier with her sitting in a chair? She seemed to be much more relaxed after and I made sure that she had water and that she should make sure she rests after for the afternoon.

My mother in law just called to say that shes feeling much better today after the Reiki treatment I gave her. She says she feels less awkward and was more able to get herself dressed. We talked about healing not just being for injuries, wounds or illness, but sometimes how we feel in our minds about our conditions. Which in itself can produce healing for ourselves. I’m very pleased for her that she feels better and it’s a lovely validation of what I’m working towards.

Namaste mil!

xxx

Heart world in the house

2008-03-24T11:58:00.014Z

me little girls room

Black onyx bought in Kolb studio Grand Canyon

White xmas decs heart & large cast stone heart from friends daughter in the States.

Random hearts in unexpected places

2008-03-24T10:55:00.015Z

As you may have noticed I have a thing about hearts. I'm not sure when it started , but I seem to have sub consciously been collecting them and have them all over my house in some form or another. Strangely I now get them as gifts from spirit all over the place, which is awesome and wonderful and yes some may think a bit gooey and mushy , but we all need that sometimes. I will be sharing them with you, the ones Ive been given and the ones Ive bought myself.

x

Here are some of the ones Ive received as "gifts" !

This one came to me from my nearly 4.6 yr old A by pure synchronicity, she had NO IDEA as she had just cut me a piece from her play dough cake!!!

This one I found on Friday tidying my conservatory , It was right in the middle of my huge sofa, it was a teeny little thing in large space. I know yes it could equally be just a scrappy bit of paper, which is how my black and white and no in between husband would see them ,but its the way I get them and its made sure they are clear to me.

ahhhhh some nice music on a bank hols

2008-03-24T10:47:00.006Z

I love this music , great for relaxing in this crazy world.

Check out her MySpace page for more right here

Sedona vortex

2008-03-24T00:15:00.006Z

Ponderousness

2008-03-22T11:31:00.013Z

I wanted to bring up the subject of orbs , as I have some photographs I took in Feb from Marrakesh that would appear to be such a phenomenon. There is several schools of thought on this. The more science mind may feel they are just the light catching the lens, but sometimes they appear on one shot of the same area and not another. The jury's still out in my mind, I would like to think they are spirits passing through , but I didn't see them with my naked eye.

Id like to share them with you here, they were taken at the Saadi Tombs located at Kasbar near the main Palace.

This is the same section of the larger tomb , one with a flash and one without.

This is the middle covered tomb

Apart from that the carving was incredible!

So whats this space for?

2008-03-19T15:29:00.005Z

Well it could be me just mulling over life and how to stop my cheeky 19mth old pulling everything to pieces , but Id like to set some sort of intention and purpose for this space.

I think Id like to share the joys Ive found in my life ; amazing places to see, my art,or others art, special people, synchronystic moments, special books , amazing food , or even strange food , things that lighten the soul & what is just plain funny here in this human dwelling we have, oh and anything else I can fit in to the mix. There also might be the odd nod to fashion here and there , Im not sure , but I am rather partial to a bit of Americas Next top model, (shhhhh dont tell anyone!). Im like a licorice all sorts pack , except I hate the stuff, bluerrghhh in a very big grimace face sort of way! Or even a a variety pack of luxury biscuits , ahhh now that's better , much more my style lol.

I think this space may make me remember things Id forgotten ; like all the photos I have of places Ive visited. I want to lift up rather than become nostalgic , as its all about being present right here and now.

when to find the time and brain space

2008-03-19T10:58:00.011Z

ok so I have a journal on word that's getting enormous at 19 pages and might make my laptop explode (its only 11 days old too) and then I have this too. I don't know how to combine the 2 or if I need to and now you see a little window into how my brain does my own head in. Ha ha and im reading a book on how to be master of your mind, body and spirit. Masterful right now I am NOT !!!! well may be sometimes, someones gotta like what I do lol.

Oh and I have a 19mth old little girl running around wreaking havoc on my cupboards and toy boxes. I write this whilst standing more on my right leg than my left due to spraining it on Monday. I hear voices telling me to sit down and rest , REST whats that. Ive got washing to do, a botty to wipe and lunch to make!!!!! Oh and yes you've noticed I hear voices , well errm yes! I'm perfectly sane though, honest guv!!

I found the silver necklace that is reminiscent of my gifted hand as seen above , which takes me back to one of the most sacred of places I have visited ; Sedona, I bought it about 12 yrs ago or more in a special art centre . It has a great and strange name Tlaquepaque in Sedona . The funny thing in the website is the romantic fuzziness of the pictures! How do I do this and just show the heading & not the web guff???? Now I'm hoping I can work out how to put in pictures and links here now! As you can see I sorta worked it out!

This is an area in Sedona called Oak creek , amazing place. I need to find some more pictures I think. It has great energy.

My little dolly B is now sitting next to me biro-ing everything in site and shouting at someone posting something through the door , who needs a scary dog for the postman eh !!!

Got to go for now and sort the lunch as someones giving me wild eat baby signs !!

back soon

My 1st ever entry onto a blogger

2008-03-18T14:43:00.000Z

I have been reluctant to blog for some reason. I didn't think I was so private , as I tend to tell the world everything about me, but my journey of late feels like quite a private one and also very sacred to me. Never the less , I will try and share some of it here. I need to work out how to back date , if I can , and copy into here a journal I already started some 10days ago.

I also dont have a clue yet how this works , so it may chop and change all over the shop lol.

Namaste x